


Before You Go

by callmevenji



Category: Love Simon (2018), Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/M, M/M, Paintball, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, but in the meantime there's a lot of crying, im sorry, it will be okay I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 66,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26753020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmevenji/pseuds/callmevenji
Summary: Victor misses Simon in New York, he doesn't meet Bram, or their roommates. He isn't shown how incredible his life could be away from his family or his friends.
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell & Victor Salazar, Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar, Bram Greenfeld & Simon Spier, Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier, Lake Meriwether & Felix Weston, Lake Meriwether/Felix Weston, Mia Brooks & Andrew Spencer, Mia Brooks/Andrew Spencer
Comments: 312
Kudos: 119





	1. Headspace

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! I've been working on this idea for a couple of weeks, I kept thinking how lucky Victor had been with the whole trip to NY, Simon saw his message on time, Bram was there to show him around, and I think that trip was really important for Victor in finding himself and stop being afraid, so what would've happened if he hadn't had that? 
> 
> Title is from Lewis Capaldi's song, go listen to it if you haven't, it's incredible.
> 
> This will get really sad, really quickly, so bare that in mind, please read the warnings and proceed with caution, I'll put a warning at the beginning of every chapter so that you'll know what to expect, but there WON'T be any major (or minor) character deaths so don't worry about that. No one is dying under my watch.
> 
> This starts right after their kiss in Willacoochee, and we go from there. This chapter only contains your typical teen angst, I guess.

_I’m such an idiot. I shouldn’t have done that, what was I thinking? That Benji would just leave Derek and we’d live happily ever after? This is a mess, this is a huge mess, I just ruined everything._

Victor tried to wipe his tears away, but new ones just kept coming. “God, get a grip.” He muttered to himself. _I can’t go back in there, what am I supposed to do now? Oh God._

Victor realized he was only wearing his Brasstown t-shirt and his boxers, he couldn’t go anywhere like that. He put his head in between his knees and took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself down in order to think of a solution.

He got up and started pacing the hallway, trying to stop crying but failing, whenever he started to calm down, he would think of a new horrible perspective about the whole situation. How Mia would react, how Derek would react, would Benji out him to the entire school? And what would his parents think about what he just did? His entire family was crumbling down because of an infidelity, and here he was doing the exact same thing, and with a guy. _Great_.

He was into guys, there was no denying it. Mia had never made him feel the way Benji did, that attraction that had been missing with her was present all the time with Benji. Kissing Mia was nice, but kissing Benji had been other-worldly, his entire body had buzzed with want.

Victor shook his head, trying to get rid of the mental images, he had to control himself.

He reached to grab his phone out of his pocket, but he realized he had left it in the room, with Benji, and his pants. He groaned, there was no way around it, he needed to go back.

He had no idea how long it had been since he had kissed Benji, the rain hadn’t gone down and he could still hear the constant thunders but his tears had finally stopped.

He walked towards the room as silently as possible, his socks and the carpet helping him make no noise, he opened the door slowly, trying to stop it from creaking. Victor jumped when the door creaked loudly, he cursed and opened it the rest of the way quickly, hoping that the noise hadn’t woken Benji up.

He stepped inside the room and saw that the bed was empty. He frowned, he hadn’t seen Benji come out of the room. _Where is he?_

Victor grabbed his phone and went to the bathroom, he locked himself in and started typing furiously. There was only one person he’d be able to talk to about this. He opened his instagram and clicked on the familiar icon.

 _“I kissed him, Simon. I kissed him and it was the worst thing I could have done. I can’t keep denying this, I am what you think I am… But I hate it, I don’t want my life to be this hard.”_ He pressed send. Maybe he’d know what to do, maybe he’d be able to help him fix this mess.

He briefly considered sleeping on the bathroom floor, that way he wouldn’t have to face Benji until the next morning. He took a long look at the tiled floor before finally deciding he’d have to be out of his mind to spend the night holed up in there. 

He walked back into the bedroom and put his phone back on the dresser, he stared at Benji’s suspended license for a few seconds, he still looked pretty much the same, but Victor noticed that his eyes used to look somewhat sadder, or maybe it was the plastic film, he wasn’t sure.

He looked around the empty room and sighed, maybe he could sleep on the floor so that when Benji came back he would feel comfortable sleeping on the bed.

He went to grab a pillow and one of the sheets when he realized Benji’s pillow was missing, he looked towards the floor to see if it had fallen and realized that Benji was sleeping soundly on the floor behind the bed. _Of course._

Victor could have started crying again right then and there.

_Should I wake him up? I can’t let him sleep on the floor, that’s not fair, he did nothing wrong._

Victor made up his mind and went to tap Benji on the shoulder before stopping death on his track, he wasn’t sure if it’d be okay to touch the other boy after what happened so, instead, he took another approach to waking him up.

“Benji?” Victor whispered loudly. Benji mustn’t have been asleep since he immediately went stiff.

“What?” The other boy answered without moving.

“Get on the bed, it’s fine, I’ll sleep on the floor, you don’t have to do this.”

“Just go to sleep, Victor.”

Victor sighed. “I’m so sorry, Benji.”

“Victor. Stop. J- Just go to sleep.” Benji exclaimed, raising his voice but refusing to look at Victor.

Victor nodded wordlessly, he grabbed the pillow and one of the bed sheets and got himself as comfortable as possible on the floor.

“Seriously?” Victor heard Benji mutter.

They both fell silent after this, Victor tried to sleep but he kept tossing around, and his brain just wouldn’t shut up. He kept thinking about his family, now that he was sure that he was… _that_ , how would they react? Would he ever get to be himself? Or would it be better if he just stayed with Mia and pretended?

Maybe being gay should come with an armor, because he didn’t feel strong, he didn’t feel brave and he definitely didn’t feel confident. All of these things that Simon seemed to exude. 

Maybe being gay wasn’t for him, he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to be himself, not the way Simon, Benji and even Derek seemed to be. He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to be like them.

* * *

A kiss woke him up abruptly, he felt alarmed for a second before realizing it was Benji, his hands tugged at his hair and his shirt, Victor kissed him back eagerly.

Benji pulled the hem of his t-shirt, wanting to take it off, Victor reached down and took it off himself, while Benji removed his. Victor watched the other boy’s toned abdomen, he needed to touch him, so badly, he drew Benji closer to him and continued kissing him, Benji held him tighter against his chest, he moaned when Victor pulled at his hair.

Benji kissed Victor along his collarbone, going down to his chest, dangerously low, Victor tried to pull him back up. “Benji, wait-“

“Benji?” A female voice asked.

Victor opened his eyes, alarmed. “Wh- Mia?” He shrieked, immediately putting distance between her and himself, his hands quickly grabbing his discarded t-shirt and trying to cover himself. He looked around realizing he was in Mia’s room. 

Mia looked close to tears. “Benji?” She repeated. “What happened at Willacoochee, Victor?”

Victor looked at her in shock. He tried to speak but his throat seemed to be closing up on him, he couldn’t breathe.

“Victor?” She said angrily. “Victor, come on. Victor!”

Victor woke up and sat down abruptly, gasping for air. Benji was right in front of him. “Victor?”

“Wh-?”

“You were tossing around and seemed scared. I guessed it was a nightmare, sorry for waking you up.” Benji said, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

Victor tried to get his breathing under control, he nodded. “Thank you.” Victor looked over at the clock on the nightstand, it said it was 7 am.

Benji nodded. “Um… We should- we should go get the machine. Hopefully it’ll be ready.”

Victor felt his face heating up at the mention of the machine. “Y-yeah.” He looked at the ceiling. “I’m sure it’ll be.” He said, trying not to sound sarcastic.

Victor grabbed his stuff and went to get changed in the bathroom. His back hurt from sleeping on the floor, and that nightmare had really freaked him out. He looked at himself in the mirror, it was pretty obvious he hadn’t slept well.

A few minutes later, both boys were in the car, on their way to getting the espresso machine. Victor prayed that Wally wouldn’t mention finishing the repairs the day before, things were already awkward enough without Benji knowing Victor had lied.

Wally met them at the front of the store and both boys quickly got the machine on the back of the car.

“Alright, can you wait here while I pay?” Benji asked.

“No!” Victor didn’t want to have Wally alone with Benji. “I- I can pay, you wait here.”

Benji looked at him as if he had grown a second head. “Sarah asked _me_ to pay, she’ll reimburse me later.”

“Right…” Victor tried to think quickly. He couldn’t come up with anything, if Wally mentioned that the machine had been ready to go since the day before, he’d be toast. Victor nodded, resigned. “I- I’ll wait here, then.”

Victor sat down in the driver's seat, silently praying that Benji wouldn’t find out about his lie.

Benji went to pay and came back a few minutes later, he didn’t seem angry or more uncomfortable than before, so Wally probably hadn’t said a thing. _Thank you, Jesus._

Victor could’ve cried with relief.

* * *

The entire drive back to Brasstown had been the most uncomfortable two hours of Victor’s life. Benji had not talked to him, and when Victor had tried to address the situation, Benji had just turned on the radio.

He was glad he wasn’t on shift the entire weekend. Working with Benji had always been so easy, they got along so well, and now he had ruined it and things would probably be awkward until the end of time.

_Great job, Victor._

He arrived home and went into his room immediately, his phone buzzed with a new text, it was from Simon.

_“Victor, it breaks my heart to hear you talk about yourself like that, you’re perfect. And that part of you that you wish you could cut out, that’s the part that makes you… you. If you could only see what my life is like in New York, you’d see that there’s a world beyond high school, beyond your family. I wish you were here right now so I could give you a hug and make you believe it._

_Love, Simon.”_

Victor threw himself into his bed. He wanted to cry.

Victor felt like he was drifting, he could no longer hide the fact that he wasn’t straight, he wasn’t really attracted to Mia, even if he did love her, and he was lying to everyone, including himself up to this point, because, if he was completely honest, he’d been sure he wasn’t straight for quite some time now.

He wasn’t sure what he’d do next, he was terrified, he wasn’t ready to be out, he wasn’t ready to tell his parents, or even his friends, but he couldn’t keep lying to them.

He realized, in that moment, he needed Simon to be right. He felt like life as he knew it was ending, but what if what comes next was as good as Simon said? What if he truly was able to have a life beyond his family and friend’s approval? What would that look like?

Victor needed to see what Simon was talking about, he needed to know that this wasn’t the end, that he wasn’t destined to have a life as hard as the one he was picturing in his head.

He made a decision, right then and there. He would go to New York, he would give himself a chance, he would let Simon show him this world he was talking about.

Victor grabbed his iPad and quickly typed in “Atlanta to New York City Bus”.

He clicked on the first search result and smiled with relief, he could afford it, he was going to New York.

_Thank God I started working at Brasstown._

Victor bought his ticket and started working on his plan to get to New York without anyone figuring it out.

_Simon, here I come._


	2. If You Can Hear Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor goes to New York

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the second chapter! I'm gonna be posting mon, wed, and fri. Hope y'all enjoy it (or not, since this is pretty sad, whoops)

Victor ran around his room, quickly packing an overnight bag and printing the fake permission slip he had created for his parents, his plan was foolproof, they’d think he was staying at Georgia Tech for the entire weekend in a basketball training camp field trip, that gave him enough time to go and come back from New York without anyone having to find out.

He had sent a message to Simon as soon as he had woken up, letting him know when he’d be arriving in New York but he still hadn’t answered. Victor wasn’t worried, Simon took ages to answer his messages, it’d be fine. 

He grabbed his backpack and his gym bag and got ready to kick his plan into motion.

“Good morning!” Victor said cheerfully as he entered the kitchen and put his gym bag on display, he usually didn’t take it to school so he was hoping for a reaction.

His dad immediately caught on to him. “Buenas! You going somewhere?”

Victor feigned confusion. “Yeah… This weekend is our basketball camp at Georgia State. The team is leaving right after school.” He saw his parents exchanging confused looks and decided to take it even further, he needed this to work. “Did you forget? I told you about it like… forever ago, I gave you a permission slip and everything…”

His mom raised her eyebrows. “No, you didn’t.” She said confidently.

Victor panicked for a second when he realized he would have to bring out the big guns. _I’m so sorry._ He thought before speaking up. “Maybe you weren’t paying attention with everything going on between you two.” He sighed for added effect.

He turned around, but not before seeing his dad’s face falling. He heard him saying “I don’t remember seeing anything.”

Victor faked rummaging through the papers they kept in the kitchen and quickly slipped the fake permission slip in. He pretended to find it. “Oh! Here it is.”

His parents looked at each other. Armando spoke up first. “Uh… Yeah, okay. Dámelo and I’ll sign it right now.” He motioned for Victor to give him the paper and he did.

Pilar piped in. “Or I can. I forge dad’s signature all the time. Permission slips, checks, you name it.” She said proudly.

Isabel looked at her daughter disapprovingly. “You know we can hear you, right?”

Armando laughed and signed the paper. The plan had worked, he was going to New York.

* * *

Victor arrived at the bus stop right on time, his bus was leaving at 10 am and it was 9:45. He put his gym bag on the overhead compartment and sat down on his window seat.

He checked his phone for an answer from Simon, but there was only a message from Mia.

> **Mia Brooks:** Where r u?

He had completely forgotten about his girlfriend. Victor panicked, they were supposed to hang out that weekend and he couldn’t tell her about New York, or the fake basketball camp, everyone else from the basketball team would be at school.

> **Victor Salazar:** Last minute boy’s trip with my dad, sorry. Won’t be able to hang out.

He felt bad about lying to her, but he had no other choice. Mia didn’t answer.

* * *

Victor re-read Simon’s message for what seemed like the 100th time since he had received it. He couldn’t believe he had made it this far, he was a couple of hours away from New York, a couple of hours away from finally meeting Simon, the only person that knew who he truly was and fully accepted him, his emotions were through the roof, and even if he had slept most of the bus ride, he still felt tired.

So much was on the line, Victor felt like his entire world was about to collapse around him and the trip was the only thing barely keeping him sane.

He checked his phone again, hoping to see a notification from Simon, but there was nothing there. He sighed, he was starting to feel nervous, he had no idea what he’d do if Simon didn’t get back to him on time. 

He closed his eyes, just for a couple of minutes, they kind of burned and he just wanted to rest them for a little bit. The man besides him had been asleep for the entire bus ride, Victor was just a little envious.

* * *

A sudden movement woke him up, his head fell forward and he promptly realized he had fallen asleep and the man that shared his seat was using him as a pillow. The other man woke up and they shared a mildly horrified look. He thought about apologizing but he was too sleepy to really care.

Victor looked out the window and realized that he had arrived. He checked his phone and frowned upon realizing Simon hadn’t answered his message and he had no idea what to do next. He looked around, everyone was getting their stuff and moving towards the exit doors. 

He put his backpack on, grabbed his gym bag from the compartment and got off the bus. 

It was early, his phone said it was 8 am, but the street was packed with people, everyone seemed to be in their own little bubble, paying no attention to him.

He maneuvered through the crowd, grabbing his bag tightly, he had never felt so overwhelmed, there were too many people and far too little space.

His phone buzzed signaling a new message and Victor rushed towards the first empty bench he spotted and sat down, he put his gym bag in between his legs and took his phone out hoping for a message from his guru.

> **Mia Brooks:** Miss u, I’m stuck in detention but I’ll text u later, I hope you’re having fun with your dad.

Victor sighed, not what he wanted. He wished he had Simon’s number so he could call him, instead he decided to send him another instagram DM and hope that it alerted him.

> **VSalazar12:** Hey Simon, I just got to NY, let me know where I can meet you…(:

Victor looked around, he needed to find somewhere to stay while he waited for Simon’s response, he also needed to charge his phone since it was about to die. He walked a couple of blocks before finding a Starbucks, he could use a cup of coffee and he’d be able to charge his phone there.

* * *

Victor ordered a Grande Latte and sat down near a window, he looked at the people walking past the coffee shop, everyone seemed to know where they were going, walking with their heads held high and a confidence Victor could only dream of.

No one gave a shit about anyone, they were so focused on their own things that it would be hard to get their attention, he wasn’t sure if he could ever be like that, but he liked the thought of no one caring about what he was doing.

He smiled to himself and took a sip of his coffee, maybe he was biased but Brasstown’s lattes were far superior. Benji’s latte art included.

Benji. Victor hadn’t allowed himself to think about the other boy since he had gotten home the day before, Victor had ruined everything hadn’t him? 

His life seemed to be a constant cycle of failure.

Was there really a world beyond all of his mistakes? All of his lies? He was starting to doubt it, and even if there was, would he ever get to experience it? 

With every hour that passed the weight in his chest got more and more stifling, panic, fear, uncertainty, he had been feeling that way since the kiss back on Willacoochee, it had briefly gone down upon buying the tickets to New York, but with every hour that passed without an answer from Simon the weight came back gradually, until it was at full force again.

He was so scared of his life turning out exactly the way he thought it would, he hated himself, and he was pretty sure his parents would hate him too as soon as they knew what he was. His family was everything to him, if they didn’t approve of him he wasn’t sure what he’d do… But Simon had almost convinced him that it didn’t matter, that his life could still be good, if he would only show him proof of that, maybe Victor would fully believe it.

With his phone completely charged, and his coffee long gone, he decided to get out of the coffee place and walk around the city.

He checked his phone one more time, but there were no new notifications.

Maybe he had freaked Simon out, it was one thing to mentor him through messages and an entirely different one to do it in person. Maybe he wasn’t worthy of Simon’s time. How could he have been so dumb? Simon didn’t even know him, he didn’t owe him anything, of course he would be freaked out by Victor’s visit, he should have thought and waited for Simon to answer his messages.

He felt like he was suffocating, the weight on his chest reaching new levels, the Starbucks seemed to be closing in on him, he hastily grabbed his stuff and left the store. A wave of fresh air hit him as soon as he opened the doors and he breathed in almost desperately.

He stood there, just breathing, until someone cursed him and pushed him out of the way.

“Sorry.” He said quietly, and started walking.

Victor looked around the city, it was so alive, he tried to imagine himself living there, among the sea of people, New York seemed like a paradise but he wasn’t sure it was for him. Everyone seemed to be in a rush, he had been pushed several times by people trying to walk past him, there was so much noise, and so much movement, it was insane.

He didn’t have that much money, he spent most of his savings on the bus tickets, so he decided to just enjoy the day and wander around… by himself. He checked his phone one more time, but there were only a few messages from Felix.

> **Felix Weston:** Heeey! What’s up? 
> 
> **Felix Weston:** How’s the boy’s trip? 
> 
> **Felix Weston:** Is it like a ‘family only’ thing? Because I’d have loved to get to know Mr. Salazar a bit more.

Victor laughed, he wanted to tell Felix everything, he needed his friend, but that was the very reason he couldn’t tell him, he couldn’t afford to lose him. He sent him a quick reply and thought about what to do next, there was one place he _needed_ to see, so he looked up how to get there on his phone.

He walked for what seemed like hours, the sun had started to set when he finally arrived at the park. It was huge, he loved it.

He walked through Central Park, marvelling at the nature hidden in between the buildings. This was a part of New York he could picture himself loving.

He had spent most of his day feeling miserable but as he sat down on the grass, using his gym bag as a pillow, and watched the sunset just beyond the trees, the park going from green, to yellow, to orange, to almost red, then purple and finally the darkness enveloping him, the weight on his chest let up, he could breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you hate it when you show up unannounced at someone else's place and they go MIA? Ugh, anyways, next chapter we'll see the aftermath of this whole mess of a trip. Pray for Vic. And leave some comments for me.


	3. Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Victor's trip to NY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next one contain several scenes from the show with a couple of changes in them. They're mostly filler but things will start picking up soon, I promise!

Victor stared at his clock intently, willing the time to go faster, he just wanted to get home and curl up on his bed, maybe cry for a couple hours and then sleep. He had been on the bus for almost 22 hours, which meant he was close to Atlanta. Finally.

He put his phone away and sighed, he looked out the window and watched as the city came into view, he’d have thought it was a beautiful sight if he hadn’t been as upset as he was.

The bus arrived, he grabbed all of his stuff and got down, he still had to take another bus to get to Shady Creek, so he went to the bus stop and waited, cursing his time alone for letting his mind drift to all of the awful thoughts that were plaguing him.

He arrived home half an hour later, all the lights were out so he opened the door carefully and took off his shoes before walking in, he tip-toed to his bedroom and closed the door behind him. No one woke up.

He sighed and got into his bed, still fully clothed. He felt defeated, Simon still hadn’t gotten back to him, he still felt like he was drifting and the weight on his chest had gotten impossibly heavier.

He was back at home, back at his small world with no other people that could understand him, back to not belonging. Victor felt a lone tear down his cheek, he went to wipe it away but stopped when he suddenly felt the last three days crushing him down. He sobbed into a pillow, trying not to make noise.

_I just want to be normal, why can’t I? I have a beautiful girlfriend, I should be able to be with her. I have to be able, I can’t give up._

He grabbed his phone and found Simon’s instagram profile, he clicked on the three dots and pressed the _blocked_ button. He fell asleep with tear streaks down his face.

* * *

“What happened at Willacoochee, Victor?” A tear-stained Mia asked him, her hair was everywhere, and her eyes were puffy, it seemed like she had been crying for hours, even if they had _just_ been kissing. “Tell me!”

Victor was about to answer when Mia started singing Call Me Maybe.

“Wh-?” Victor groaned and rubbed his eyes, it had just been another nightmare. He turned off his alarm, he was going to have to change his ringtone, that had been terrifying.

He stretched his arms, he had to shower and get ready for school but he felt _so tired._

Isabel knocked on his door. “M’ijo? Are you awake?” Victor made an affirmative noise and Isabel let herself into his room. “I didn’t hear you come in last night. How was your basketball trip?”

“It was… it was great.” He lied and gave her a smile for good measure.

“I’m glad, my love.” She caressed his cheek. “Well, get up, you don’t wanna be late for school.”

Victor nodded.

He took his time getting ready, his energy was at an all time low. He was putting on his shoes when he heard his phone buzz.

> **Mia Brooks:** Hi, long lost boyfriend. Remember me?

Victor groaned, he hadn’t answered Mia’s texts throughout the weekend, he needed to be better if he was going to stay with her, he decided to ignore her message and talk to her face to face at school.

He finished getting ready and grabbed his backpack, readying himself to face the music.

“Macho! Welcome home!” Armando greeted him. Victor hugged him.

“Papi?” 

“Dime.”

“What do you do when mom is mad at you?”

Armando laughed and gave him a knowing look. “Well, that depends, how bad is the damage?”

Victor fake laughed, needing the advice but hoping the conversation would be over soon. He shrugged. “I’m not sure.”

“Hmm… I’d give her flowers, or an apology letter, one of those mariconadas _*_. Women love that. I’ll see you later.” Armando winked at him and went to talk to Isabel.

Victor schooled his features before his dad noticed his face dropping. He smiled. “Alright, thanks.”

_I can’t do it, I have to stay in the closet. Forever. My dad would never approve of this, oh my God. I’m so freaking-_

There was a knock on the door, Victor shook his head and opened it. He tried to smile. “Hey, Felix.”

“Hi! How was your trip? Are you ready to go?” 

Victor nodded. “Yup, let’s go.” He turned around. “Bye mami, bye papi.”

They started walking towards Creekwood High, Victor remembered his dad’s advice. “Hey, Felix? Could we stop somewhere on the way to school?”

“Sure, man, anything you need.”

* * *

Victor found himself in the middle of a bunch of balloons and posters upon arriving at school. Felix laughed, completely delighted by the whole thing. 

“The school dance! The perfect place for a night of romance with my sweetie.” He sighed, Victor laughed at his friend’s dramatics. “If my sweetie didn’t think being seen with me was social suicide.”

Victor frowned, he didn’t know what had happened during the weekend. “What’s the latest with you two?”

Felix sighed. “She still doesn’t want anyone knowing we’re hooking up.”

Victor nodded, understanding everything.

Felix continued. “But she did tell Mia, so… Baby steps.” He sighed, once more. “Or what’s smaller than baby steps? Fetus steps?”

Victor could hear the hurt in Felix’s voice, even if he was making jokes. Lake didn’t deserve him. “Ugh”

Felix immediately defended her. “No, no, no, it’s okay! I totally get it. She is completely out of my league.” Victor looked at him incredulously, he couldn’t believe what his friend was saying, it was the exact opposite! “We’re kind of like if Taylor Swift was dating the dog from A Dog’s Purpo-.”

Victor interrupted him immediately. “Hey! No, you’re not a dog. Okay? You’re charming, you have thick, shiny hair and really nice brown eyes.”

Felix seemed upset. “You’re literally describing the dog from A Dog’s Purpose.”

Victor rolled his eyes. “Okay, do you want to be with Lake for real?”

“Of course, I mean, I’ve thought of so many ways to ask her to the dance.” He started listing a bunch of over the top ideas.

Victor interrupted him. “Then ask her. But, you know, in like a normal way.”

Felix smiled. “Okay.”

Victor turned around, ready to go to his locker when he spotted Mia talking with Pilar. He had to save his relationship, for everyone’s sake, he needed Mia, how hard could it be to pretend to be attracted to her? He needed to man up.

Felix followed his gaze. “She seemed kind of angry about your boy’s trip.”

“Yeah, I know, I’ve been a shitty boyfriend. I need to fix things with her.”

Felix nodded. “Is that why we stopped to buy flowers? Or are those for me?” Victor laughed, Felix smiled. “You got this.” 

Victor nodded, a bouquet of tulips in hand, and walked over to his girlfriend.

* * *

Mia was still pissed at him, but at least they’d be hanging out after his shift at Brasstown. Victor hated sushi but he was going to eat every single piece if it meant Mia would forgive him.

Classes went by quickly, Victor tried to find Benji throughout the entire day, he wanted to apologize, but Benji was either avoiding him or not at school. Victor had a feeling it was the first one.

He went to his locker to get his work stuff, a blond girl seemed to be waiting for him, he approached her but his best friend intercepted him before he could reach her.

“Victor!” Felix shouted at him from across the hall. He ran towards him. “I can’t walk you to Brasstown today, I’m going to Lake’s house.” He did a small victory dance.

“That’s great, man!” He clapped Felix in the back. “Good luck.” Victor watched the girl looking impatiently at her phone and then leaving.

Felix nodded. “I’ll text you later with all the details! Bye!” He ran off.

Victor shook his head, laughing. Felix was insane. He tried to find the blond girl but she had disappeared in the crowd.

* * *

Victor made the 10 minute walk to Brasstown, he felt a little nervous but Benji wasn’t working that day so everything should’ve been fine.

“Hey, Sarah.” He greeted his boss.

She acknowledged him with a nod, Victor went to the back.

Benji was there, putting some things in a box. Victor freezed for a second before getting it together and starting to get ready for his shift, he looked at the other boy nervously.

“Hey… Didn’t think you were working today.” Victor said.

“I’m not. I’m clearing out my stuff.” Benji explained. Victor looked at him confused, he frowned. “Starting next week, I’m transferring to a different location.”

Victor prayed the floor would open up and swallow him. “Is this because I kissed you?”

“I guess… Kind of.” Benji seemed so uncomfortable Victor wanted to cry. 

“You don’t have to switch stores, Benji.” Victor tried to reason. “What happened on our trip, it- it won’t happen again. I’m with Mia, you’re with Derek, it’ll be fine.”

Benji looked at him incredulously. “You’re going to stay with Mia?”

Victor flushed. “Well, yeah…”

“Look…” Benji kept putting his things away and Victor just wanted to scream. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but as imperfect as my relationship with Derek is, I don’t wanna lose him. And when you kissed me… it put me in a tough spot.”

Victor panicked at the mention of Derek. “You told him?”

“No.” Benji answered quickly. “There’s no reason to.” He shrugged. “He’d just get upset, but the idea of working with you everyday makes me… Feel… Guilty.”

“Why?” Victor almost screamed. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Benji looked at him as if he was crazy. “I know that.” He grabbed his box.

Victor looked at him, unable to do anything. “I guess… I guess I’ll see you at school?”

Benji frowned. “I think it’s best if we stay out of each other’s way.”

Victor felt the weight in his chest crushing him, he could feel his lungs collapsing with it. “Right.” He managed to murmur. Benji walked past him, he heard the doorbell ring signaling he had left.

 _It’s for the best._ He told himself, with Benji gone he’d be able to fully concentrate on Mia. He had to, there was no other way.

Victor went through his shift as in a fog. The girl he was working with took the orders and he made the coffees, he was glad he’d been working at Brasstown long enough for him to know the motions by heart.

As much as he needed everything with Benji to be over, it still hurt, he still had feelings for him and he hated leaving things on a bad note. He still wanted to be friends with him, as painful as that’d be, it was better than not having him in his life at all.

He remembered his dad's advice from that morning. _I’d give her flowers, or an apology letter._ The flowers had kind of worked with Mia, maybe the letter would work with Benji? He had had no idea what to write for Mia which is why he’d chosen the flowers but for Benji… He could’ve written an entire book for him.

His phone buzzed with a new message. Mia had sent him a photo of the sushi ingredients, Victor could’ve thrown up right then and there.

He looked at the clock, his shift was ending in a couple more minutes and he didn’t have to be at Mia’s for at least another hour. He looked around the store, it was almost empty, he took off his apron and grabbed his stuff from the back. 

He sat down at one of the tables, Sarah gave him a weird look but didn’t say anything otherwise. Victor tore out a page from one of his notebooks and got to work.

_B,_

_First of all, I’m so sorry for kissing you, but please just hear me out._

_When I first came to Atlanta I was hoping things would be different, that things would be better, I thought maybe here I was going to be able to finally be myself._

_I don’t know if you remember but the first day of school, Lake posted on CreekSecrets saying that I had anger issues, and somehow it got into my head that the only way I’d be able to come back from that was to date Mia. And I really like her, B, really, I do, she’s great, but… I’m not really into her, I guess._

_I didn’t realize it at first, I liked kissing her and she was nice to me and I thought “hey, maybe this could work” but then, as you know, she wanted more and I just couldn’t do it, that’s when I realized that I just wasn’t attracted to her._

_And at the same time, I was trying to push down the fact that there was someone else I was actually attracted to, and that day at the hotel was the culmination of months and months trying to hide this. It was a deadly combination of adrenaline, fear and knowing that I’d regret it if I didn’t do it._

_I’m not making up excuses, I know what I did was wrong, but I just want you to know what’s going on with me and hopefully one day we’ll be able to be friends again._

_I’m sorry for ruining everything, you’re really important to me, and if you don’t want anything to do with me after this… I understand, I just needed you to have a full picture._

_I know you’ll probably be disappointed with my decision to stay with Mia, but I need to try, B, I need to be with her, I don’t feel safe, I don’t feel confident, I can’t come out, she’s the only chance I have at this. I hope you understand._

_-Love, Victor_

He re-read it a couple of times and when he was finally happy with it, he folded it in half. He wrote a B at the folded front and put it in his jacket for safe keeping.

He checked the time and realized he had to leave to go to Mia’s if he wanted to be on time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *mariconadas: faggy things
> 
> Also, Victor and I hate sushi, sorry about that.


	4. Going Nowhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor delivers his letter to Benji and the Spring Dance doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm really nervous about this chapter since it's the last one to include scenes from the show, but it's pretty much a rewrite of chapters 9-10 with a few changes thrown in there. It's a bit longer than usual so I hope that makes up for it!

“It’s really simple, I’ve prepared all of the ingredients so we just need to assemble everything.” Mia passed Victor a tray with several chopped up ingredients.

“So, first we put the nori on the sushi mat.” She arranged the nori in both her mat and Victor’s.

Then she grabbed a small bowl with water and dipped her hands on it, urging Victor to do the same. “So that the rice doesn’t stick to our hands.” She explained.

Victor nodded, and watched as Mia grabbed a fistful of rice with her hands. “And now we cover the nori with rice.” She said and showed Victor how to do it, he followed her instructions carefully pushing the rice around the entire nori.

“And finally, we just grab whatever ingredients you want for your sushi roll and line them up.” Mia scrunched up her face in concentration, trying to decide what she wanted to put in hers.

Victor grabbed some cucumber, salmon and cream cheese, he lined them up, trying to get them as straight as possible. “Like this?”

Mia, still undecided on her ingredients, looked over at his work. She nodded, her curls going everywhere. “Yeah! That’s perfect.” She laid her head on his shoulder and sighed. “I think I’m going to make a Philly Style Roll.”

Victor had no idea what she meant. “Yeah, go for it.”

She grabbed some pieces of salmon, some cream cheese and avocado. “There, now we can roll this up. Watch.” She showed him how to fold the sushi mat in order to get all the filling to stay inside the nori. She managed to get a perfect sushi roll, she laughed, full of excitement and Victor felt the weight on his chest getting a bit heavier, threatening to crush his lungs. He ignored it and tried to follow Mia’s instructions, willing his hands to stop shaking. He tightened his grip around the sushi mat, he needed it to work, he was going to make a perfect sushi roll, just like her, and they would laugh together. Everything would be g-

“Victor! Not that tightly!” Mia put her hands over his and he immediately released his grip. She frowned, “It’s okay, you can make another one, just be more gentle next time.” Victor’s roll was spilling out from the sides and the nori looked broken. He couldn’t help but think if maybe that’s what his insides looked like, broken, irreparable.

“Sorry.” He said quietly.

Mia just shook her head and helped him clean up his mat.

* * *

“Oh my god. Are you pregnant?” Mia exclaimed out of nowhere, for a second Victor was confused but then he saw the look on Veronica’s face and knew it was true. 

As Veronica and Harold confessed everything to Mia, Victor couldn’t help but feel like he was intruding, this was clearly a private conversation, he went to stand up. “Maybe I should go.”

Mia turned around immediately and put her hand on Victor’s arm, stopping him. “No, no, stay.”

Victor sat back down and awkwardly listened to the rest of the conversation, he wasn’t sure why Mia wanted him to stay but he complied, it was the least he could do for her. Veronica admitted to being 10 months pregnant and they broke the news they were getting married. Mia finally got up and left the room.

Victor wasn’t sure what to do, “Um, well, congratulations.” He finally blurted out.

* * *

“...If you hadn’t beaten the crap out of Roger after what happened, you wouldn’t have been fired and we would have never had to move her!”

Victor walked into the room, completely exhausted. He could feel anger running through his veins making his entire body shake. After his disastrous date with Mia, this was the last thing he needed.

Armando and Isabel both sighed upon seeing him. “Hey, Victor.” Armando said in a mellow tone. “Um, we were just-”

“Fighting.” Victor finished his sentence in a harsh voice. “Yeah, what’s new?” He walked towards them. “Dad beat up his boss?”

Isabel nodded. “Yes, we didn’t want to overwhelm you with all of the details.”

“Oh but it’s okay to overwhelm us with all your fighting?” Victor exclaimed, the anger getting the best of him. He needed them to be better, he needed them to get their shit together, he was drifting away and his family was the only thing tying him down. He needed his family to be okay because everything else in his life was falling apart, and, even if Simon had said otherwise, his family was his entire world, if he had to pretend for them then so be it, but he at least wanted to make sure it was worth it.

* * *

The next day, Victor walked with a purpose, he needed to get his letter to Benji, his plan was to slide it into his locker and hope for the best. Not the best plan ever, but he hadn’t had that much time to think about it.

He tried to control his breathing and act normal in order to not look suspicious, he was about to turn the corner into the hallway where Benji’s locker was, when he saw the aforementioned boy grabbing stuff from said locker.

Victor stopped death on his tracks and waited for Benji to leave, which he did a few seconds later. Victor saw his window of opportunity and walked quickly to the locker, he looked around to see if anyone was watching but everyone seemed to be distracted so he slipped the paper in and walked away.

Victor could’ve sworn he was about to have a heart attack when he realized that the blond girl from the day before was watching him from the other side of the hallway, she started to walk towards him but Felix once again intercepted him before her.

He was doomed, if that girl told anyone about the letter it’d be the end.

Victor spent the entire day with his stomach in knots, so far Benji hadn’t said anything about the letter, in fact, he hadn’t said anything, at all. Victor was sure he was still avoiding him.

He was also keeping a close eye on CreekSecrets to see if the blond girl was going to post anything about him but so far there was nothing. What was her deal? They didn’t share any classes, he had seen her a couple times before but he had no idea who she was or what she wanted to do with him. He made a mental note to ask Felix about her.

Victor left the school feeling dreadful, he was not looking forward to the dance, but he was so ready for spring break. He just needed to survive the night.

* * *

Victor put on his suit and did his hair as quickly as possible, he didn’t really care but he also didn’t want anyone to notice so he put a little bit of effort into his look.

He was thankful everyone would be gathering at his house before the dance, that gave him a little more time to be ready. He tied his shoes and realized that he still had to choose whether he’d be using a tie or a bowtie but he had no idea which one would be better so he went to his sister for advice.

“Hey, um, which of this do you think Mia would like better?” He asked, holding each of the items in each hand.

Pilar was doing her makeup, she looked up at him and said pointedly. “I’d go with option B.”

Victor frowned. “Uh… Thanks.” He wasn’t sure which one she was referring to so he just chose the bowtie. “Pretty crazy about dad punching his boss, huh?”

She put on her lipstick. “Yep. Not surprised he kept it from us, though.” She gave Victor a look, she seemed… disappointed? “This family is full of liars.”

What was her deal? Victor gave up, he wasn’t following. “Okay…” He went back into his room and waited for everyone to arrive.

* * *

“Alright, I think we’re gonna get going.” Victor said after what felt like the thousandth photo. Everyone had gotten to his house half an hour before, but his parents had wanted to take pictures of them all in a million different poses.

Armando looked at him proudly. “Okay, well, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He said with a suggestive wink.

_ Oh, I won’t.  _ Victor thought sourly.

“Don’t tell him that!” Isabel slapped her husband playfully.

Victor realized his parents seemed in a good mood, he had hated confronting them the night before but it seemed to have worked. “You guys seem good, actually.”

They looked at each other and Isabel spoke up. “Yeah, we are. After you yelled at us, we stayed up all night and had a long talk.”

“Yeah, we heard you loud and clear and we’re gonna figure out how to be better for you guys.” His dad clapped him on the shoulder.

“Yeah so, go, show Mia a good time. She’s a really special one.” His mom told him.

Victor cringed. “Yeah, she is…”

* * *

A million twinkle lights received them at Creekwood High’s gym. Victor held Mia’s hand tightly, he was determined to give her a good night, she deserved it after all her family drama and everything Victor was putting her through. 

“So… what do you wanna do first? You wanna dance? You wanna drink? You wanna drink while dancing? ‘Cause that can also be arranged.” Victor said, trying to sound upbeat.

Mia looked around smiling. “Um…”

Lake grabbed Mia’s arm. “Come do a lap with me, I need to take a break from Kieran. He won’t stop talking about how fantasy football works, okay?”

Mia looked at Victor apologetically. “Alright, sorry.” They both started to walk away. “I’ll be right back.”

“It’s okay.” Victor answered watching her go, if Mia spent the entire dance with Lake that’d make things easier for him, so really, it was more than okay.

He looked around, there were a ton of people dancing, but he didn’t want to dance alone so he looked towards the tables to see if any of them were free, maybe he could grab one for himself and his friends.

The blond girl was in one of the tables with a couple of her friends, she was laughing animatedly but stopped abruptly when he caught Victor’s eye. She flashed him a kind smile and waved.

Victor looked around trying to see if she was talking to anyone else but there was no one. It was the perfect opportunity to find out what she wanted.

He started to walk towards her when he saw Benji, he was sitting down with Derek, which was weird considering this was the boy that had danced to Call Me Maybe with him in the middle of Brasstown, they should’ve been on the dance floor. Benji looked up and made eye contact with Victor, Victor tried smiling at him but Benji just looked away.

Victor felt the permanent weight on his chest getting heavier by the second, he suddenly couldn’t stay there so he bolted to the bathroom, forgetting all about the blond girl.

_ He will never forgive you, you ruined everything. And Derek is right besides him, he won’t talk to you, probably never again, get used to the idea. _

He looked at himself in the mirror, his under eyes were darker than usual but other than that he looked exactly the same as always. How was that possible? He felt nowhere near normal, could no one see his entire life was falling apart? No matter how hard he tried to keep it together and be who everyone expected him to be, everything was wrong.

He splashed himself with some water, he needed to get back in a good mood in order to make Mia happy. He tried smiling but it looked more like a grimace.

“What are you doing?” Benji laughed softly.

Victor flushed. “N-nothing.”

They both stayed silent, just looking at each other until Benji broke the silence. “Look, I wanted to tell you I read your letter. And I do forgive you.”

Victor felt the weight lifting up a little bit. “Really?”

Benji nodded. “And I need you to know I’m not disappointed in you, I’m not one to judge.” Victor gave him a faint smile, he couldn’t believe it, he was getting his friend back. “But me forgiving you doesn’t change anything, Victor.” Victor felt his throat closing up. “I have a boyfriend and you kissed me, so, I need to stay away from you.” Benji gave him an apologetical look. “I’m sorry.” 

Victor looked down, unable to keep eye contact, it was too much, too painful. He heard Benji leaving the bathroom but he felt rooted to where he was standing.

Victor looked up as one of the bathroom doors opened. Andrew looked him up and down and went to wash his hands like nothing had happened. Victor just stared at him, unable to do anything, his entire body seemed to have shut down.

Andrew gave him one last smug look before exiting the bathroom.

Victor’s brain finally caught up to him, he felt bile rising up his throat and he ran into one of the bathroom stalls to throw up.

_ No, no, no. It’s over. Mia’s going to hate me. There’s no coming back from this. Oh God. Everyone will know, Andrew will probably make a public announcement tonight. _

Victor was unable to contain his sobs, he curled up into a ball and sobbed for what felt like an eternity. 

He had no idea how long he had been there, he heard several people coming and going in and out of the bathroom but no one had noticed him there. 

_ I’m not ready.  _ He kept repeating in his head.  _ This can’t be happening. _

He waited until his sobs became sniffles and took a few deep breaths, he was so,  _ so _ tired.

He needed to get out of the bathroom, but he felt incapable of moving, every inch of his body dragged him down, he felt heavy, his lungs seemed to be giving up on him and the more he looked at the stall the more it seemed to be closing in on him. He kept trying to control his breathing but it seemed pointless, he felt like he was choking on air and his head was starting to pound intensely. He had to get out.

He used the last bit of strength he had and left the bathroom, the hallway was empty but Victor could hear voices quickly approaching, he didn’t want anyone seeing him so he went into the first open classroom he could find and waited.

The voices got closer and closer until Victor was able to make them out.

“Well, I’m sorry but high school dances are stupid.”

_ Oh great. _ Victor thought, when he thought nothing else could go wrong Benji and Derek appeared, proving him wrong. He didn’t mean to listen in on the conversation but he had nowhere else to go so he listened quietly.

“I just wanted to share this with you, this is important for me. Would it kill you to at least pretend to have fun?”

“Benji, I- I hate this, I don’t want to fight with you. Come here.” There were a few seconds of silence before Derek spoke up again. “Why don’t we go to my friend’s bar and enjoy the rest of the night?”

There was a pause, longer than the last one, Victor thought they had left when Benji finally spoke up. “No. I’m going to stay, you can go if you want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. This is not working anymore, I love you, but… I- I’m done.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” Derek sounded amused. Victor wanted to punch him.

He wasn’t able to hear Benji’s answer.

Derek barked out a humourless laugh. “Fine, whatever. You’re so immature.”

Victor strained his ears but no more words were exchanged, he heard footsteps and then complete silence. Something falling to the ground broke the silence, Victor heard Benji crying softly, he thought about going out and comforting Benji, but that would only make the other boy realize that Victor had been, unintentionally, eavesdropping, so he waited for several minutes until he heard him walking away.

He waited for a bit before finally deciding it was time to leave, he composed himself as much as possible and walked out of the classroom. He briefly remembered Mia, he really was the worst boyfriend ever, but Andrew would have probably told her everything by then, there was no point in going back to the gym.

At this point, the only thing he could think of doing was running. Away from Mia, away from Benji, he had to get away from everyone before he hurt someone else.

He sent Pilar a quick text letting her know he was leaving and ran all the way to his home.


	5. Tough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor learns about his parents separation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really difficult for me to write but I loved it, I'm so happy with how it turned out. This was the chapter I based the entire fic around so without further ado...

Victor arrived home and found his parents on their couch. Armando seemed surprised to see him. “Oh, you’re home before curfew. That’s a first.”

“Yeah, I just- I have a headache.” He lied, his head hurt but that wasn’t the reason he had left the dance.

“Ay mi amor, lo siento mucho.” Isabel lamented. 

Armando motioned for him to join them on the couch. “Come, sit.”

His mom went to get him a pill for his headache while his dad put his arm around him. “Did you have fun?”

Victor wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep lying. He just nodded half-heartedly.

He took the pill his mom offered him and she sat down on his other side, hugging him too. The three of them stayed embraced like that for a while, his mom started humming a song and Victor felt his eyes drifting shut. He fought to stay awake, though, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to come out to his parents, but if he ever did, he was pretty sure they wouldn’t be as loving as they were being right then, he needed to cherish the moment.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when the front door opened, Pilar arrived seemingly upset, too.

Armando checked the time and laughed in disbelief. “You’re home early, too, what’s going on?” 

Isabel pulled Pilar onto the couch. “Mis amores.” She hugged her two kids tightly, one on each side. “I’m actually glad you came back early… Your father and I have something we need to tell you.”

Pilar and Victor immediately straightened. “What is it?”

Armando seemed nervous. “Um, your mother and I, we’ve been talking a lot about the way things have been between us lately. And about the way things used to be, um… What happened back in Texas, between your mother and… Roger… It happened for a reason.” Armando sighed. “We’ve been off for a long time, and after you called us out, m’ijo, we were able to admit it and stop pretending that we’re okay. And it took so much weight off, for the both of us.”

Isabel piped in. “We were so young when we met, we were basically your age and over the years we’ve changed, so we just need to take a step back and figure out if after all this time we still make sense together.”

Armando nodded. “Yeah, and we think that the best way to do that is… for us to spend some time apart.” His voice broke, and Victor felt his own tears threatening to come back, Pilar looked devastated.

“What do you mean apart?” Victor asked, trying to understand.

“We’re separating… Just for now. After what we’ve been through this year… we just needed to take a breather. I’m so sorry, mis amores. I know this is hard.” Isabel finished.

Victor felt like his whole world had finally crumbled down, this was the icing on the cake. He got up, suddenly needing to be… literally, anywhere else. “I- I’m going to take a walk.”

He didn’t wait for their responses, he walked out of the apartment and into the street.

He walked, seemingly going nowhere, he passed by Brasstown, it was weird seeing it so empty and dark. He kept walking, for what felt like hours but couldn’t possibly have been more than half an hour, he was startled when he realized how light he felt.

The weight on his chest was gone, along with his headache, it had been replaced with a complete numbness. Victor was almost scared at how much he wasn’t feeling, but then again, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He kept walking, how much distance would he be able to put between himself and the rest of the world? Would he disappear at some point if he just kept walking?

He started walking towards a part of town he had never been to, he knew there was a river there and he had been wanting to see it since Benji had told him about it, he had told Victor how he crossed it every day and it was his favorite part of town. Victor had heard so much about it, he knew the way even if he had never been there before.

It wasn’t long until he found himself in the car bridge that crossed the river, he could hear the river beneath him, a huge metal guardrail flanked the bridge along with a smaller railing, Victor leaned against the smaller one and closed his eyes.

He could tell it was a cold night, his breath fogged up every time he opened his mouth, but he wasn’t cold. He looked down at his clothes and realized he was still wearing his suit, minus the jacket and bowtie. Victor laughed, almost maniacally, he had been feeling so distraught for days and now it was all gone, he was completely numb, he loved it, the world could have ended and he wouldn’t have given a damn.

_ The world could end right now and I wouldn’t care.  _ Victor stopped death on his tracks, that’s exactly what he wanted, he needed everything to stop. Immediately.

Victor looked at the top of the big metal guardrail, it was pretty tall but he managed to climb up the wall and lift himself up, he swung one of his legs over the railing carefully, then the other one, he sat down and squinted, he couldn’t really see the river even with the streetlights and the moon providing a little bit of light, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the sound of the stream, it was relaxing, he could understand why Benji liked going there, even without seeing it.

“Victor?” Victor jumped at the sudden sound and yelped, he held on tight and made sure he was safe before carefully turning his head around and saw Benji walking towards him at full speed. “What the hell are you doing?”

Victor was suddenly hit with all of the emotions he had been feeling for the last few days, the weight in his chest almost knocking him down. Everything was back, and now he was also ashamed for what he had almost done. A lone tear fell down his cheek. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking!” Victor panicked, he looked down at the river, he could kind of make it out now that his eyes had gotten used to the darkness. “Oh my God.” His hands started shaking, he was terrified of heights. 

“Vic!” Benji screamed, he could tell Victor was panicking. “Look at me, it’s gonna be fine, let me help you down.” He approached the other boy slowly, not wanting to startle him again. Benji tried to reach for Victor but he was shorter than the other boy and he just couldn’t reach him. “Calm down, I’m going to call for help, okay?”

Victor shook his head, “No! Don’t call anyone, I can climb down by myself, I just need a moment.” He raised his head towards the sky and took a few deep breaths.

“Are you insane? We need to get you down.” Benji said, pulling his phone out.

“No, Benji, please. Please!”

Benji hesitated, but ultimately complied upon seeing Victor’s distressed look, he nodded and waited for Victor, patiently.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Victor asked after a while, still not looking down.

“This is my way home. How did you get up there?”

Victor ignored the question. “You should go home, I’ll be fine.”

Even though Victor wasn’t looking at him, he could feel the look Benji was giving him. “I’m not leaving until you climb down.”

“Yeah, that may take a while.” Victor dared a look at Benji. The other boy looked smaller from the top of the wall, a wave of vertigo came over Victor and he quickly closed his eyes again.

If Benji hadn’t been as scared for Victor as he was, he might have found the whole situation humorous. “That’s okay, I’m in no rush.”

Victor sighed, he just wanted to be alone. He remembered the conversation he’d overheard earlier in the night, Victor couldn’t believe it had been just a couple hours prior, it felt like it had happened months ago. “Where’s Derek?”

Benji flinched. “I don’t know, at a bar, probably.” He shrugged trying to look uninterested. 

“Shouldn’t you be with him?”

Benji shrugged again before realizing Victor wasn’t looking at him. “I don’t think so.”

Victor chanced another look at the other boy. “Why?” 

“We broke up.”

Victor looked up at the sky, again. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, we’d been off for a while, it was bound to happen…” Victor nodded. They stayed in silence for some time until Benji spoke up again. “I’m sorry I snapped at you, it wasn’t fair, that kiss… It wasn’t only your fault. I’m sorry for… for everything.”

Victor felt a wave of relief wash over him. “It’s okay… C-can we be friends again?”

“Of course.” Benji said, meaning every word. “You’re really important to me.” 

Victor nodded, not wanting to say anything in case he’d start crying again.

Benji continued. “I’m sorry if I’ve contributed to… whatever made you climb up there.”

Victor flinched, he really wished Benji hadn’t found him. He just wanted the whole thing to be over. He took a deep breath. “I’m coming down.” He announced.

Benji nodded and prepared himself to help Victor.

Victor gripped the sides of the guardrail tightly, he swung his left leg over it and then the right one. He was shaking but he kept taking deep breaths in between movements.

“You’re doing great, Vic.” Benji said encouragingly. Victor loosened his grip in order to move his arms into a better position. “Be careful.”

Victor looked over at Benji, he was standing there with his arm stretched out in order to help him as soon as he could reach him. A wave of vertigo came over Victor and he felt himself losing consciousness. The last thing he remembered was Benji’s scream. “Victor!”


	6. Stand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Change of plans, forget about me updating mon-wed-fri, I realized I'm bad at sticking to a schedule so let's just say I'll post twice a week. Which days? Who the f*ck knows, but there will be two chapters a week, that much I can promise! 
> 
> I'll shut up now, enjoy!

A deafening crack sent shivers down Benji’s spine.

It had happened so quickly, one moment Victor was on top of the guardrail and the next one he was down on the floor with a pool of blood beneath him.

Benji fell to his knees. “Vic? Shit!” He tried to turn him around but he remembered reading somewhere that moving an injured person could potentially make things worse. “Shit.” 

It was all a blur after that, Benji called 911 and the ambulance arrived not long after, Benji watched as Victor was carried into the ambulance, one of his arms was laying in an unnatural position and Benji knew it was broken.

Victor woke up at some point but he was mostly unresponsive, the paramedics said he had hit his head pretty badly and he probably had a concussion. They allowed Benji to ride the ambulance with them and he watched as Victor got hooked into an IV and to a bunch of other stuff that Benji didn’t really recognize.

The paramedics asked Benji several things about Victor, his name, his age, his blood type, Benji knew most of it because he had helped Victor fill out his paperwork at Brasstown.

By the time they got to the hospital, the hospital staff was waiting for them and they quickly got Victor into an ER room.

Benji was instructed to stay in the waiting room while the doctors examined Victor. He paced around, not knowing what to do, he had no idea where Victor’s phone was and he had no way of contacting his parents.

He felt guilty, he didn’t know what was going on with Victor apart from their kiss and the consequent falling out, but he felt bad for avoiding him while he clearly needed someone to talk to.

Benji paced back and forth, he was still wearing his turquoise suit from the dance, he had taken off his jacket since it had some blood on it and people in the waiting room kept giving him funny looks, but if he looked as weird as he felt, he didn’t blame them.

After an hour or so of waiting, an old nurse came up to him. “Did you arrive with…” She checked her notes. “Victor Salazar?”

Benji nodded. “Yeah, is he okay?”

“He’ll be fine, we called his parents and they’re on their way.” She told him.

“Can I see him? Is he awake?”

The nurse looked at her notes again. “Yeah, he is. But only family is allowed into his room.”

Benji pushed his hair back, exasperated. “I just want to see that he’s okay, just give me a couple of minutes.” Benji pleaded. The nurse wasn’t budging. “I saw him falling down and called the ambulance, it’s been a long night… I just want to make sure he's okay.” He gave her his best puppy eyes. “Please.”

She looked him up and down and sighed. “Just a couple of minutes. Don’t make a scene, this isn’t usually allowed.” She said severely before leading Benji through several hallways that lead to Victor’s room.

“Don’t make too much noise, you have 5 minutes.” The nurse instructed. “And don’t try anything, I’ll come to get you as soon as your time is up.”

Benji nodded and entered the room. Victor was laying on the bed with his eyes closed, but Benji could tell that he was awake. 

“Hey.” Benji said quietly, trying not to startle him.

Victor opened his eyes. He looked tired. “Hey… You stayed, I wasn’t sure you would.”

It broke Benji’s heart to hear him say that. “Of course I stayed, I meant what I said earlier, you’re really important to me… And that was a nasty fall.”

Victor let out a self-deprecating laugh. “At least I didn’t fall onto the other side of the guardrail.” He joked, but no one laughed. “Too soon?”

“Definitely too soon.” Benji sat down on the only chair in the room. 

“Sorry…” Victor looked at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact with him. “You should go, um, I’ll be okay.”

Benji dismissed him. “No, I’ll stay at least until your parents arrive.”

“Benji, please. Just- just go.” Victor closed his eyes. “I really don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Well, you should have thought about that before trying to jump off a bridge.” Benji said without thinking. He flinched once he realized what he had said. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m going to stay. Okay? I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Victor kept his eyes closed and nodded weakly, he couldn’t muster up the energy to fight. “Fine.”

“Your parents are on their way.”

Victor nodded and winced from the pain moving his head caused. “Yeah, I know. I thought about pretending I couldn’t remember their phone numbers, or who they were, you know since I have a head injury, but apparently, I have them listed as my emergency contacts. Who knew.”

Benji laughed weakly. “Do you remember everything that happened?”

“Yeah, I think so, I don’t really remember hitting the ground, or anything after that, really. But I guess that’s a good thing.”

Benji looked him over. “So, what’s the verdict?”

“A broken arm and a mild contusion. Could have been worse, I guess.”

“It definitely could have, there was so much blood!” Benji made a face. “I was sure you were dying.”

“Nah, you know what they say ‘Hierba mala, nunca muere.’” Victor said, imitating his dad’s voice.

Benji frowned. “I really don’t, I have no idea what you just said.”

Victor looked at him incredulously. “You’ve never heard that?”

Benji shook his head. “No, what does it mean?”

“It’s just a saying, it has the same meaning as ‘the devil looks after his own’.”

A knock on the door startled them both. Isabel and Armando entered the room, they looked distressed.

“Mi amor! Are you okay?” Isabel said looking him over. “Have the doctors said anything?”

“What were you doing, Victor? You could have really hurt yourself, you need to be more responsible.” Armando said over his wife’s questions.

Benji cleared his throat and stood up. “Um, I’m gonna leave now…” He pointed towards the door awkwardly. 

“No, stay. We want to know what happened. You were there with him right?” Armando said with a hard edge to his voice. “What were you two doing?”

Benji hesitated, they clearly had the wrong impression. “I was just walking by.”

Victor sighed. “Papi, stop, I wasn’t  _ with  _ him, he just happened to be walking by.” Benji nodded, confirming Victor’s story. “It was just an accident.”

“Pero como carajos acabaste arriba de la barda?!*” Armando asked angrily.

“I-” Victor panicked. “I just wanted to see the river, I thought it would look good from up there.” His parents and Benji looked at him incredulously. “I wasn’t thinking, okay? I’m sorry.”

Benji felt angry, Victor had clearly been about to jump into the river, he needed help but he wouldn’t get it if he kept lying. “Are you sure, Victor?” He pushed.

“Yes.” He gave him a pointed look. “I’m sure.”

Benji clenched his fists, he wouldn’t be Victor’s accomplice, he had to leave. “I think I should go, text me if you need anything, alright?” He turned to Victor’s parents. “It was nice seeing you,” He cringed. “Or not, in these circumstances, I guess… Sorry, bye.” He left the room at the same time a doctor entered.

“Mr. and Mrs. Salazar, I’m Dr. Anderson, I’m an orthopedist and I’m here to look over Victor’s x-rays.” Dr. Anderson put the x-rays on the negatoscope and examined them for several minutes. “You were lucky,” he finally said. “It’s a very clean break, you won’t need surgery, I’ll have an ED tech come to see you and put your arm in a cast.”

Isabel cried out. “Ay! Gracias a Dios.” 

Armando thanked the doctor, and he left. Leaving the three Salazar’s waiting for the ED tech.

“Your mother was worried sick, Victor. What were you thinking?” Armando kept hissing angrily.

“I wasn’t, I already told you. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“I understand you’re upset about our separation, but you can’t just take off whenever you want, you live under my roof and as long as you do there are rules, you were out past your curfew and you didn’t even answer our texts asking you where you were.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

Isabel grabbed his son’s hand. “This just isn’t like you, Victor.” 

Victor sighed. “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

“You’re damn right it won’t, you’re grounded, we’ll talk about it later but this will have consequences.”

Victor laughed with no humor. “My arm is broken and I feel like a train ran me over, isn’t that enough?”

Armando sighed, defeated. “You’re right, but those are on you, you were the loco that climbed up a guardrail.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, m’ijo, we’re just really worried.”

Isabel frowned. “Aren’t you scared of heights?”

Victor groaned.

* * *

The ED tech finally put Victor’s arm on a cast at 7 am, and after that, Victor was discharged and sent home to rest. 

Pilar and Adrian were waiting for them when they arrived, Adrian proudly announced he had made breakfast, which really meant he had made cereal bowls for everyone.

“Wow, thank you, mi amor!” Isabel picked Adrian up and kissed him. “It looks delicious.”

They all ate in silence, Victor was exhausted and he could tell that his parents were too. He finished his cereal, thanked Adrian profusely, and then excused himself, he needed a nap, badly.

Pilar followed him into his room. “So, what happened? Mom was hysterical last night.”

Victor sighed and laid down on his bed. “I just fell, it’s not a big deal. What happened at the dance after I left?”

Pilar sent him an angry look. “Mia was really upset, I was going to ask you but you were nowhere to be found. She found out, didn’t she?”

Victor panicked, he had no idea what Pilar was talking about but he could only assume the worst, Andrew had told everyone what he had heard in the bathroom.

“It’s not what you think, Pilar.”

“Oh? So you didn’t cheat on her and then wrote a letter apologizing to whoever you cheated with?”

Victor froze, how had she found out about the letter? “What?”

“I found the letter you wrote to ‘B’, I still don’t know who it is but I will find out.” She crossed her arms. “I can’t believe you kissed someone else while dating Mia, you’re just like mom.” She spatted.

Victor stared at her, he felt close to throwing up. “How much of that letter did you read, Pilar?”

She looked at him incredulously. “Seriously, Victor? I only read the first paragraph but that was more than enough.”

Victor exhaled. “It really isn’t what you think, I can’t talk about it, yet, alright?” He closed his eyes. “Just trust me on this one. Please.”

Pilar realized how tired her brother looked, he looked like he might collapse if he stayed awake a minute longer. Victor was her brother and she loved him no matter what, so she relented. “Fine, but you need to call Mia, I saw her crying. By the way, you guys won king & queen but you were both gone by the time they made the announcement.”

Victor nodded. “I promise I’ll call her later, I just need to sleep first, okay?”

Pilar nodded and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *How the hell did you end up on top of that guardrail?!
> 
> No cliffhanger this time! Please leave some feedback and tell me if you've ever broken a bone, idk, I'm curious hehe


	7. Low

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor turns his phone back on and receives a bunch of messages, some angry, some worried, and some encouraging.

A loud knock on his bedroom door woke Victor up. 

“Felix is here, he wants to see you, are you up to it?” Pilar asked, poking her head around the door.

Victor groaned, still half asleep. He really didn’t want to see anyone, his phone had died several hours ago and he hadn’t had the energy to charge it, it was just sitting dead on his desk. He had no idea if anyone had tried calling him, and he was fine with that.

“Tell him I’m asleep and I’ll call him later.”

Pilar frowned. “Are you sure? He seems really worried. And it's 5 pm, you should wake up.”

“I’ll wake up if you make him go away, I’m not in the mood.”

“Fine.” She agreed begrudgingly.

Victor sat down on his bed, his head was pounding and his arm was throbbing with pain, he waited to hear the front door close to head into the kitchen and ask his mom for a painkiller. She gave him the pill and forced him to eat something while he was awake.

“Where’s dad?” He asked Isabel while he munched on a sandwich.

Isabel cleared her throat, a clear tell that she felt uncomfortable, she turned around and started washing the dishes, trying to avoid eye contact. “Um, he went out looking for apartments nearby, he’s moving out as soon as he finds something. It’s just temporary, but… yeah.”

“Oh.” Victor concentrated on eating his sandwich, eating with only one hand was proving to be challenging. He had so many questions for her mom but he settled on the most urgent one. “Will we stay with you?”

Isabel turned around and leaned into the kitchen counter. “Yeah, we kept talking yesterday after you left.” She gave him a pointed look. “We’re giving you a choice, you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to, but Pilar and Adrian are going to be living here with me.”

Victor nodded. “I guess I’ll stay, too, if that’s okay with you.”

Isabel put her hand on top of Victor’s cast. “Of course that’s okay, mi amor.”

Victor finished his sandwich and went to his bedroom, he stared at his dead phone and debated whether he should turn it on or not, on one hand, he was terrified Andrew had told everyone about the bathroom conversation and everyone was discussing his life in Creeksecrets, he really didn’t want to find out if that was the case. On the other, he had told Felix he’d call him and he wanted to talk with Mia.

The guilt suddenly crawled all over his body, making him want to scream. He had lied to Mia, he had cheated on her, he had ignored her, he had left her at the dance without so much as a goodbye, he could go on and on about how shitty he had been to her. He deserved feeling like the worst person in the world, he probably was.

Victor sat down on his bed with the phone in his hands, he had to make things right with her, she didn’t deserve any of what Victor had done, she deserved better and Victor had to stop being selfish. 

He plugged in his phone and waited for the screen to load, the phone started buzzing right away with dozens of notifications, most of them were from Felix.

He immediately opened Mia’s conversation and read through the text messages she had sent him.

> **Mia Brooks:** Where r u?
> 
> **Mia Brooks:**????
> 
> **Mia Brooks:** Call me as soon as you see this message, I can’t find you anywhere.
> 
> **Mia Brooks:** Victor???? 
> 
> **Mia Brooks:** Answer your damn phone!!!!!
> 
> **Mia Brooks:** I can’t believe you. 

Victor cringed, along with the messages he had 12 missed calls from her and 5 voicemails.

“ _Hey, Vic, Lake has finally gone dancing with Kieran and I wanna dance with you, where are you?”_

_“Victor, no one has seen you since we arrived and I’m starting to believe you left. I’m so confused, call me.”_

_“Victor Salazar, our song is playing and I’m pissed I don’t get to dance to it with you, you better have a good reason to have gotten lost.”_

_“Victor, please return my calls, I’m not even mad, I’m just worried…”_ Victor could hear her voice breaking and it broke his heart. _“Please call me.”_

_“I have no idea what’s going on with you,”_ she sobbed. _“I’m- I’m leaving the dance now, Andrew’s walking me home, please call me.”_

Victor flushed at the mention of Andrew, if he had walked her home, he had probably told her everything. With every word Mia had uttered, the weight in his chest got heavier and heavier, leaving him gasping for air, it took him a few minutes to compose himself.

He could still feel his heartbeat in his ears, before finally letting out a frustrated sigh, he held his breath and dialed Mia’s number with his healthy arm. It was time to face the music.

Mia picked up almost immediately. “Hello?”

“Hey, Mia, before you say anything, I’m really sorry about yesterday, I should have texted you or something, that was a really crappy thing to do, I’m so, so sorry.”

Mia was silent on the other end, Victor was starting to believe she had hung up when she spoke up. “I just don’t understand what’s going on with you. It’s like you’re somewhere else all the time, and I don’t know what to do or how to help you.” She sighed. “Yesterday was awful, Victor, you basically stood me up. I can’t keep going like this.”

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry, I’ll keep apologizing forever, I know how bad it was. I’m sorry… And you’re absolutely right.” Victor took a deep breath, this was it. “You shouldn’t have to put up with my shit.”

“What are you saying?” Mia asked in a small voice, she sounded like she was about to cry and Victor just wanted to hug her.

“I think we should break up. I don’t want to hurt you, and if you stay with me, I’m afraid I’m just going to keep doing it.” Victor sighed.

“Why?” Mia was full-on crying. “If you know what you’re doing wrong then just fix it, don’t give up.”

Victor wanted to scream. “Did Andrew tell you anything about me last night?”

“What? What does that have to do with any of this?” Victor stayed quiet. Mia sighed. “He just told me you were an asshole and I shouldn’t be wasting my tears on you, which may have been true.”

Victor exhaled, so Andrew hadn’t outed him, yet. “I promise I’ll explain everything to you soon. I’m just not ready, yet. I’m so sorry, Mia. You deserve so much better.”

Mia was quiet for a little bit before she answered. “Yeah, I do. Goodbye, Victor.” And then, she hung up.

Victor hit his pillow with his broken arm and had to stifle a scream of pain, he was so angry at himself, he had been selfish and had ended up hurting Mia, he deserved everything that was happening to him. He wiped a tear off his cheek, he wasn’t really sad about the breakup, he was more upset about having hurt Mia.

He was hurting everyone, and for what? He was so tired of pretending to be someone he wasn’t. 

His phone buzzed with a new text and Victor decided to check the rest of his unread messages. Felix’s first few messages had also been looking for him the night before, he had texted him about Pilar asking him about a supposed secret Victor had, he told him about Victor winning king, and Lake declaring her love for Felix in front of everyone, Victor was happy for his friend, he deserved to have a great love story. The tone of his messages from that morning had changed completely, Benji must have told him about his accident because Felix had sent him about 20 texts asking him if he could come over and to call him ASAP, and _was it your right arm? Because at least you’ll have an excuse not to write in class._

Victor made a mental note to call him as soon as he had finished checking the rest of his messages.

He had a couple of texts from Pilar, she had been looking for him at the dance and then, at almost 2 am, she had texted him about how concerned their parents were about him. He ignored them since he had already talked with her.

At last, the remaining three messages were from Benji, one was from that morning and the other ones had just come through, one of them had a file attached to it.

> **Benji Campbell:** I hope everything goes well with your arm, I just got home but let me know if you need anything. I mean it. 
> 
> **Benji Campbell:** Hey, Vic, I hope you’re home by now. I just wanted to tell you that I get why you lied to your parents about the bridge, I truly understand, but what happened was pretty serious and you should get help, it’s okay to reach out. I’m not going to pretend I know what you’re going through because we all have different experiences, but if you ever want to talk, I’m right here, ready to listen.
> 
> **Benji Campbell:** You seem to have enjoyed my cover of Call Me Maybe a couple of months ago, so here’s another one. You’re not alone, Vic.

Victor was already getting choked up reading the second message, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle Benji singing him a song but he shakily clicked play on the audio file Benji had sent.

The sound of a guitar being skillfully strummed reached his ears.

“Hey, everybody loses it, everybody wants to throw it all away sometimes…” Benji started singing softly. “And hey, yeah, I know what you're going through. Don't let it get the best of you, you'll make it out alive.” Victor recognized the song, but Benji was playing a slower, stripped-down version of it.

“Oh, people like us, we've gotta stick together. Keep your head up, nothing lasts forever.” Benji’s voice was full of emotion, and Victor felt chills hearing him sing.

“Here's to the damned to the lost and forgotten. It's hard to get high when you're living on the bottom.” Benji sounded completely different from how Victor recalled his voice on the Call Me Maybe cover, his voice sounded raw and in pain, almost desperate, and it made Victor feel every single one of the words he was singing. “We are all misfits living in a world on fire. Sing it for the people like us, the people like us.”

“Hey, this is not a funeral, it's a revolution after all your tears have turned to rage.” Victor was being hit by the lyrics, they held so much more significance after what Benji had seen him almost do, it was almost painful to listen to. “Just wait, everything will be okay, even when you're feeling like it's going down in flames.”

“They can't do nothing to you, they can't do nothing to me.” Benji got to the bridge of the song and his voice got quieter, barely above a whisper. “This is the life that we choose, this is the life that we bleed.”

Benji repeated the chorus one more time and the song ended. Victor was about to click out of the file when he heard Benji talking. “So yeah, I mean it, Victor. And just for the record, I think who you are is pretty great, and I wouldn’t want to live in a world without you.”

‘ _I think who you are is pretty great._ ’ Victor smiled remembering his birthday, he had told Benji those exact same words and he hadn’t realized how badly he had been needing to hear them back, how badly he had needed someone to reach out and comfort him the way Benji was. 

He had been so busy pushing everyone away that he hadn’t realized how bad he had been needing his friends and his family. He suddenly felt overwhelmed by how much he needed them, he had to let them in, which was easier said than done, but it was a start.

Victor started sobbing, maybe things weren’t as hopeless as Victor had thought, maybe, just maybe, his life didn’t have to be as hard as he had thought it’d be.

**Victor Salazar:** I think I’m ready to talk.

A few seconds later, there was a knock on his door before Pilar opened the door, and wordlessly walked in, she sat beside him on his bed.

“I’m listening.” Pilar crossed her arms.

“You were right, I cheated on Mia.” He started. “I kissed someone else.” Victor sighed and looked intently at his hands. “I kissed Benji while on our road trip to Willacoochee.” Victor felt Pilar stiffening beside him. “I’ve been having these thoughts for a long time, but I had never done anything about them.”

“Oh.”

“I’m…” He sighed, angrily. “Why can’t I even say the words? What is wrong with me?” Victor frowned. “I can’t help it, Pilar, I swear, I tried so hard to be with Mia, but I just don’t like her like that, I can’t do it anymore.”

Pilar nodded slowly before huffing out a quiet laugh. “Everything makes so much sense now.”

Victor closed his eyes and angled himself away from Pilar. “I’m so ashamed, I’ve prayed every single day for this to go away, and it just won’t… I’m into guys, Pilar.”

“Vic.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “I had no idea what you were going through but you’re my brother, and that’s never going to change, no matter what. I love you, and I don’t care about who you like, as long as you never cheat on anyone ever again.”

Victor shook his head, he turned his head to look at his sister, they both had tears streaming down their faces. “I love you, too.” 

Pilar hugged him tightly from behind since he still hadn’t turned around completely. “What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know. Telling papi and mami about this… I just can’t do it.” Victor felt his stomach turning at the thought.

Pilar shook her head against his. “That’s okay, you don’t have to do it, yet. Everything’s going to be okay, Vic. I promise.”

He nodded quietly and let himself be held by his younger sister, feeling like the weight on his chest had let up just a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it, Victor has started to open up a little, there's still a long way to go and this is definitely not the end of it all, but things might be getting better little by little.
> 
> The song was People Like Us by Kelly Clarkson <3


	8. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor has an important conversation with Felix

“Victor! I’m taking Pilar and Adrian for ice cream, do you want to come?” Isabel shouted from the kitchen.

“No, thank you. Have fun!” Victor shouted back. 

He waited for his family to leave and then took a deep breath. It was time.

“Victor to Felix. Over.”

“Oh you’re awake, good! I’m coming over. Just give me a minute.” Felix said in a rush. “Over.”

“No! Wait, can we talk through here for a little bit, first?” Victor asked, he realized his hands were sweaty, which was kind of gross with the cast and everything, but he couldn’t help it, he was nervous as hell. “I kinda need to tell you something but I’m afraid I’ll lose my nerve if I actually see you. Over.”

“…Okay, what’s up? Over.”

Victor closed his eyes tightly and held his breath.

“Just give me a second, okay? I need to think about how I’m going to phrase this. Over.”

“You’re freaking me out, dude. You know I wouldn’t hold you accountable if you killed someone, right? They probably deserved it, I’ll help you hide the body.”

Victor chuckled, this was Felix, his best friend, the kindest, funniest, most loyal person he knew, if there was someone he could talk to, it would be him. He closed his eyes and said a prayer, if there was anyone out there hearing him, to not lose Felix after this.

“Felix… I-” He started. “I didn’t kill anyone.” He took a deep breath. “I’m… I’m into guys.” 

There was silence for a few seconds before Felix spoke again. “Can I come over now?” 

“...Yes.”

Victor had barely answered when there was a knock on his door. He opened the door and was immediately engulfed by Felix. Victor hugged him back tightly, trying to hold back his tears, he hadn’t lost him, Felix was still his best friend.

“Victor, I- I really don’t know the perfect thing to say… but I’m really happy you told me, and this doesn’t change anything between us… Obviously.” Felix said seriously.

Victor smiled, he had never felt more relieved. “Actually, as far as perfect things to say go, that was pretty good.” 

Felix scrunched his face and looked away, Victor realized he was about to start crying. “Felix, don’t cry.” He said, wiping away his own tears.

“I’m not crying, there’s just something in my eye, I don’t know.” They both laughed.

They went to Victor’s room and sat down on his bed. 

“So, how does it feel to get all this off your chest?” Felix asked.

Victor laughed. Half the weight in his chest was gone, replaced with the warmest feeling Victor had ever felt. “Oh you have no idea, it’s kind of amazing, even if you were the easy one.”

Felix sighed. “Yeah. Telling Mia is gonna suck. Or does she already know?” He suddenly turned around and grabbed Victor by the shoulders. “Wait a minute, is that why she was crying yesterday? Did you tell her or did she find out?”

Victor sighed. “Surprisingly, no. She doesn’t know yet… But Andrew does.”

“What?” Felix’s eyes were opened wide. 

“Yup, settle down, man, I have so much to tell you.”

And he did, Victor told Felix everything, how he kissed Benji, his subsequent trip to New York, how he had felt after, the letter he wrote to Benji and how Andrew overheard them talking in the bathroom, and, of course, about his parents' separation.

“And it just became too much, y’know? I was freaking out and I had lost all control over everything, Andrew had my fate in his hands, and I couldn’t fix my family this time, I was also trying to hide that I like guys and...”

Felix nodded, he looked thoughtful. “What happened after that?”

Victor sighed, he had been putting off this part of the story, he was ashamed and he wasn’t even sure if he’d be able to tell Felix what exactly had happened. “I went for a walk, I just needed to be alone for a while… I ended up going to the river, to that old bridge.” Felix nodded, he knew where Victor meant. “And… I don’t know, I felt so hopeless and… empty, I guess, and I just kept thinking about how easy it would be if I- if I just…” Victor looked away from Felix. “If everything just ended right then.”

Felix gasped quietly. “Is that how you broke your arm?”

Victor shook his head. “Not exactly, Benji found me before I could do anything, he tried to help me down but I freaked out because I suddenly realized how tall that guardrail was and heights really freak me out.” Victor explained. “I eventually tried to get down but I guess I fainted or something, I fell to the ground and broke my arm. Benji called an ambulance and I guess you know the rest.”

“Yeah, Benji texted me letting me know you had an accident, but he didn’t give me any specifics.” Felix sighed. “Victor, you’re my best friend, and it kills me to hear you went through all of that without any support. You’re not alone, you’re basically family to me, and if you ever feel that way again I want you to call me… I- I can’t fix your problems, but I can always support you through them.”

Victor sighed and put his arm around Felix. “I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend like you.”

Felix shook his head and clapped him on the back. “I’m just glad you’re here and you’re mostly okay.” 

They stayed in silence for a while, neither of them ready to move on from their conversation, until Felix finally broke the silence.

“So Benji, huh?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Victor laughed and felt his cheeks flushing. “Maybe…? I don’t know, he just broke up with Derek and I just broke up with Mia and I don’t want us to be each other’s rebounds or anything like that.” He explained, he didn’t tell Felix about the song, he wasn’t ready to share that, he wanted that just for himself.

“But you like him, right?”

“I mean, yeah…” Victor nodded shyly. “I really do.”

Felix cooed. “I can’t wait for us to go on double dates, it’s going to be so cool.”

* * *

Isabel, Pilar and Adrian arrived some time later and invited Felix over for dinner. Armando joined them a little while later, he hadn’t found an apartment, yet.

Dinner was mostly a quiet affair, it was Isabel’s turn to say grace and she thanked God for their meal and for Victor’s health, after that everyone ate in silence. Pilar and Felix shared a couple of knowing looks, sharing Victor’s secret.

Eventually, everyone went to their respective rooms, except for Armando who had taken residence on their couch while he moved out. Felix followed Victor into his room, not ready to leave his friend alone.

“We should have a sleepover tonight.” Felix proposed. “We can watch movies and I can tell you everything that happened with Lake at the dance, it was insane! Straight out of a movie.” He sighed dreamily.

Victor agreed eagerly, he didn’t want to be alone. “Sure, I want to hear all about this epic love story. Spare me no details.”

* * *

The next day found Victor alone at his house, his siblings had gone to the movies, his mom was grocery shopping and his dad had gone apartment hunting again.

Felix had left that morning, he was going out on a date with Lake, and Victor had the apartment to himself, he hadn’t answered Benji’s messages from the day before, so he grabbed his phone and decided to send him a voice note since texting was trickier with a broken arm.

“Hey, Benji, sorry for not getting back to you earlier, there was a lot happening. Thank you for your messages, they meant so much to me… I- I actually came out to Pilar and Felix, I wasn’t sure if I had it in me but I did it and they were so great about it… You really helped me get the courage to do it, so… Thank you.” Victor hesitated before continuing. “I was also wondering if you wanted to hang out during the break? I don’t know what your schedule is at your new Brasstown location but let me know if or when you’re free… Oh and sorry about the voice note it’s just hard to type with a cast, alright, bye.” 

Victor sighed and sent the message before he could chicken out. A knock on the front door startled him.

“Coming!” He said loudly from his room.

He wasn’t expecting anyone so he assumed it’d be his mom but she had  _ just  _ left so maybe she had forgotten something. He walked through the apartment to his front door.

“You forgot your keys?” He asked while trying to unlock the door with his good arm. “I haven’t seen them but…” He finally got the door open, it was not Isabel. “Oh.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. Another cliffhanger, Dani? REALLY?  
> Yes. Sorry (not sorry).


	9. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone visits Victor and he finds more support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been excited about this chapter ever since I started writing this fic. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  
> TW: talks about suicide and self-harm

“Hey, Victor.”

Simon Spier was standing in his doorway holding hands with another man.

_ Simon Spier was standing in his doorway holding hands with another man.  _

“H-hey.” Victor managed to stutter, completely shocked. Was he dreaming?

“Um, it’s so nice to finally meet you! I’m Simon and this is Bram, my boyfriend.” He said while pointing to the other person. “Sorry for stopping by unannounced, I just wanted to talk to you and make sure you were okay.”

Victor was still gaping at them both. He managed to nod and motion for them to enter the apartment.

“Is this a good time?” Simon asked, nervously looking around. 

Victor nodded, still a little stunned. He watched as the two men stood in the middle of his living room, holding hands tightly. Victor noticed Bram nudging Simon, urging him to say something.

Simon cleared his throat and spoke up. “I’m really sorry about your trip to New York, I really wish you’d have given me a heads-up, I was camping out in New Jersey with no cell phone access.” Simon said, looking remorseful. “Yay! Nature!” He exclaimed sarcastically, Bram smirked. “If it makes you feel any better, we had some sort of cosmic karma and got eaten alive by mosquitoes. Also, it was Bram’s idea so this is all his fault.”

Bram gasped dramatically. “It is not!”

“I swear I’d have loved to be your gay Sherpa, I felt so bad when I got your texts and realized I couldn’t text you back, I can’t even imagine what was going through your mind but I swear I wasn’t ignoring you.”

Bram rubbed Simon’s shoulder comfortingly. “We would have come sooner but we had exams and we were planning on coming here for spring break anyway.” Bram shrugged apologetically. 

Simon stared at Victor, he frowned. “What happened to your arm?”

Victor shook his head and forced himself to speak. “Oh! Um, I- I fell from a guardrail.” He looked down at his cast and shook his head again. “No, I didn’t. Well, I did. But it wasn’t like an accident… Or it was, but…” He trailed off and tried to gather his thoughts. “I got on that guardrail because I… I was going to jump… Into the river… Benji stopped me but I still ended up falling, not into the river, thank God, but I still managed to break my arm.” He said, looking at the floor the entire time. 

Simon looked at Bram, concern edged into his features. “Do your parents know how you fell?”

Victor shook his head no. “They think I was just trying to look at the river and I fell by accident.”

“This is very serious, Vic. You need to tell them.” Simon approached him and put his hand on Victor’s shoulder.

“I can’t, Simon, if I tell them why I was at the bridge I have to come out to them, and I just can’t do that, not yet.” 

Simon looked at Bram for help, he looked back at him and shrugged. “Hey, why don’t we treat you with lunch? As an apology for missing you back in NY.” Bram proposed.

Victor looked at Bram and nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay.”

Simon hugged him. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Victor.”

* * *

Simon drove the three of them to an old looking restaurant. Victor had never been there but apparently, it used to be Simon’s favorite, the ‘U’ letter in the big ‘Waffle House’ sign had fallen, so now it just said ‘Waffle Hose’.

“So you’ve never eaten here before?” Bram asked from the passenger’s seat.

“Nope.”

“This is so exciting, we haven’t been here in months.” Bram clapped excitedly. “I’m sure you’ll love it, it’s great.”

Victor looked at the restaurant skeptically. “If you say so.”

Simon laughed. “Trust me, it’s the best.”

They got out of the car and entered the restaurant, there weren’t that many people inside, a bunch of booths were lining the walls and Simon and Bram guided Victor towards an already occupied one. There were two other people there, a girl with really short hair and a blond guy.

“Victor, these are Ivy and Justin.” Simon introduced him. Victor greeted them confused, he didn’t know they’d be meeting any more people. “They’re our roommates.”

Bram looked around. “Where’s Kim?”

“Bathroom, I’m sure they’ll be right back.” Justin explained.

Bram nodded, entering the booth, Simon followed suit and motioned for Victor to sit down beside him, which he did.

Justin gave Simon a pointed look, and Simon sighed.

“So, Victor, I have to be completely honest with you.” Simon turned to look him in the eye. “I haven’t been answering your texts all by myself. I know you want me to be this guru who has all the answers, but the truth is, I don’t. And as touched as I was when you first messaged me, I was also scared, of saying the wrong thing, of pushing you too far, of making your life harder than it already was.”

Victor looked at him, hurt. “So you shared our private messages?”

Another person arrived at the table, Victor assumed it was the aforementioned Kim. Everyone nodded at them. “What did I miss?” Bram shook his head and silenced them.

“You said it yourself in your first message, we’re not the same.” Simon hurriedly added. “I just shared them with these people right here, they each have experiences that are related in some way to yours. Justin has religious parents, I don’t. Bram was in a sports team while being gay, I wasn’t. Ivy has experimented with both boys and girls, I haven’t.” 

Victor looked around the table, everyone was staring at him, except for Kim who was sharing a weird look with Simon.

“Every one of my friends had a little bit to offer, a little piece of the puzzle. We’re all on your corner, listening, helping and cheering you on.”

“Why would you want to help a complete stranger?” Victor asked them all.

Bram answered this time. “Because you’re not a stranger. You’re one of us.”

“That’s the best about all of this, you have a community.” Justin added.

Ivy nodded. “We want to help you, because, on some level, we’ve all been through the same thing, the uncertainty, the fear, the confusion…”

“We are a family, Victor.” Kim concluded.

Victor smiled tentatively, he nodded. “Alright… I think we should order some food, then.”

* * *

After everyone had eaten, they invited Victor to go on a walk with all of them, Victor agreed and Simon and Bram lead the group hand in hand. Victor kept sneaking glances at them, he didn’t mean to be creepy but he was in awe of them, he had never seen, at least not in person, a gay couple so comfortable with each other, they seemed to have a language of their own.

Kim caught him looking and locked their arm around Victor’s healthy one with a knowing smirk on their face. “Gross, right?”

Victor shook his head quickly. “N-no, I just-“

“Relax, I’m kidding. They’re the sweetest couple ever, even without any PDA they manage to make you see how in love they are.”

Victor nodded. “Yeah, they’re… inspiring, I guess, they make me feel like maybe one day I will have something like that.”

Kim looked at Victor for a few seconds, inspecting him. “You know they told us about the bridge, right?”

Victor looked mildly horrified. “They did? When? I  _ just _ told them.”

“Simon texted us, that’s why they brought you to WaHo to eat with us. They were hoping I could talk to you.” Kim explained. “I know what you’re going through, I get it.” They paused and took a few deep breaths before continuing. “Before I moved to New York, I was in a really dark place, I thought I had no chances of leading a happy life… For weeks, I snuck into my parents’ bathroom and stole one of my mom’s sleeping pills at a time. I'd do it every day hoping that she would notice, but she never did. I waited until I had collected enough pills and then one day I took them all. Looking back, I realize I was suicidal for months before I actually attempted to go through with it, there were so many chances someone could have stopped me but no one ever noticed. And now I need to tell you what I wished someone had told me.”

Victor listened to them, enraptured.

“You are so special, Victor, there’s no one that could ever replace you. When you commit suicide, you’re not only killing yourself, you’re leaving behind a bunch of broken people that will never get the piece they’re now missing back. You matter. No problem is big enough that it warrants your death. And I know you’re thinking people would probably be better off without you, without your problems, but your family, your friends, they’d rather deal with your problems than not deal with you at all, than not have you in their lives anymore.” Kim wiped their tears away. “And whenever you find yourself thinking that no one cares, remember me, because I care about you, I care about whether you’re dead or alive. And I want you in this world.”

Victor stayed silent for several moments, letting Kim’s speech sink in. “Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer, I’m just-”

“What is it?” Kim smiled at him encouragingly.

“How… Um, did someone find you or how…?” He trailed off but Kim had understood his question.

They sighed, a little uncomfortable. “Um, my little brother found me passed out in my room, he had gotten back earlier than I thought he would. He saved my life.”

Victor stopped walking and stretched his healthy arm wide, pulling Kim into a tight hug. “Thank you for telling me all of this, I know it must’ve been hard.” He sighed, tightening his grip even further. “I’m so glad you’re alive.”

Kim hugged him back. “Me too.” They cried into Victor’s shoulder.

* * *

“Alright, guys, I need to take Victor back home, but we’ll see him again before going back to New York, right?”

Victor nodded. “Yeah, for sure.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Kim said before hugging him goodbye. The rest of the group said goodbye.

Bram kissed Simon and then left, Justin, Ivy, and Kim in tow.

Simon unlocked his car and they both got in. “So, what did you think about everyone?” He asked while putting on his seatbelt.

Victor smiled softly. “They’re amazing.” 

Simon laughed. “Yeah, they are.” He got quiet for a few seconds before speaking again. “I saw you talking with Kim.” He prompted.

“Yeah.” Victor nodded. “They told me about their life before New York.” 

It was Simon’s turn to nod. “They had it pretty rough, but they’re really good now, I wish I had been able to show you our lives back in New York.”

“Me too, but even seeing you all here was pretty good.” Victor said meaning every word. “Do you think I should tell my parents? About the bridge? I really don’t think I would ever go through with it but… I don’t know… I’m scared of feeling like I did that night ever again.”

Simon stared at the road, deep in thought. “I think it would be good for you to talk with someone, like, a professional.” Simon caught Victor frowning from the corner of his eye. “I’ve done it, I know Bram and Kim have done it, too. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy or anything like that, it’s just good to talk with someone that can help those dark thoughts go away.”

Victor nodded slowly. “I’ll think about it. I just don’t want to tell my parents about all of this, they have so much on their plate with the separation and everything.”

Simon sighed. “I mean, yeah, but you have to remember you are their child, not the other way around. They have to take care of you and make sure that you’re good.”

Victor sighed. “You’re right.” He picked at the edge of his cast. “I’m going to think about it, I promise.”

“Yeah, let me know what you end up deciding, I can help you find a therapist if you want, I have connections.” Simon smirked.

They listened to the radio, bumping along the road for several minutes, the music filling in the silence.

“Simon?” Victor spoke quietly, tentatively.

“Mmm?”

“I’m sorry.”

Simon scrunched up his face. “For what?”

Victor took a breath. “For blocking you, for trying to pretend I was someone I’m not… For almost giving up.”

Simon glanced at Victor before pulling the car to the side of the road, he turned to look at him.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Simon said seriously. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me the most. If anything, this whole thing has convinced me I should never go camping again in my life.”

Victor chuckled. “It’s okay, what this whole thing has taught me is not to show up at someone’s place without a few days warning.”

Simon patted his healthy arm. “That too.”

Victor smiled at him, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket with a new message.

> **Benji Campbell:** Hey, I’m glad I could help. And I’m really proud of you, coming out is scary as hell, I’m really happy to hear Felix took it well, I knew he would, he’s a great guy. 
> 
> **Benji Campbell:** I’m actually transferring back to our Brasstown, the other one is a mess, and I kind of hate it. I hope you don’t mind that. I’m not working during the break, though, so we can hang out whenever, what about Friday? (: 
> 
> **Benji Campbell:** It was really nice to hear your voice, btw… (:

Victor tried to conceal his smile as he typed back. _ “Yeah, Friday would be great.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... there it is, Simon Spier has finally made an appearance! Things are looking really good for Victor :) :) :) :)


	10. Dive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very close to my heart, it was very hard to write and I'm sure it's just as hard to read it, which is why I'm putting tw and I understand if any of you can't read it today, I know today is a very tough crazy day so I completely understand if you leave it for later. It ends on a good note though so don't worry about cliffhangers or sad endings.
> 
> TW: suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, and just a ton of distress.

“Call me if you need anything, alright? You have my number and everyone else’s.” Simon said as he parked right in front of Victor’s building.

“Yes, I will, I promise.”

“Alright.” Simon nodded. “And don’t forget about dinner at my house on Wednesday! I’ll come pick you up.”

Victor nodded. “Yep! See you then.” He got out of the car.

“Oh! And don’t forget to think about what we talked about earlier, getting help is not a bad thing.”

Victor nodded again, “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks for the ride!” he waved and Simon waited for him to enter the building before driving away.

Victor walked up the stairs to his apartment, he had told his parents he would be out with Felix since he couldn’t exactly tell them who Simon was, yet. He opened the door to his apartment and found his family huddled up on their couch watching TV, his parents were as far apart as possible, with Pilar and Adrian in between them. 

“Hola, m’ijo.” Armando was the first to notice him.

Victor waved. “Hey, what are you guys watching?”

“The Parent Trap!” Adrian exclaimed happily from his place on the couch.

Pilar got up, “You can sit here, if you want to. I’m falling asleep, anyways.” She yawned and left to go to her room.

Victor took her place and snuggled with his little brother, he didn’t pay much attention to the film but enjoyed spending time with his family, he let himself forget about all of their issues and pretend, if only for an hour, that everything was perfect, everything was good.

The end credits started and Natalie Cole’s ‘This Will Be’ started playing, Adrian jumped up from the couch to dance.

“Aren’t you tired, Adrian? It’s almost time for you to sleep!” Victor exclaimed, amused by his brother’s antics.

“Nope!” Adrian ran and jumped around before collapsing on top of his older brother.

“Adrian, be careful, remember your brother’s arm.” Isabel reprimanded him.

“Sorry.” Adrian audibly sighed. “Is papi going to go to another country?” He scrunched up his face, thinking. “I don’t want you to take Vic or Pilar.” He pouted at Armando. He and Isabel exchanged concerned looks.

“What do you mean, Adrian?” Victor asked him gently.

“I want us all to stay together.” He said quietly, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

Isabel hugged Adrian. “No one is going away, mi amor. And your papi’s new apartment is really close, you can even walk there.”

Adrian cried quietly into his mom’s shoulder. Isabel picked him up on her arms and took him to his bedroom, still crying. “I think it’s time to sleep, mi vida.” 

Armando turned to look at Victor, he scratched the back of his neck, he seemed nervous. “So, m’ijo, um, I found an apartment,” Armando explained. “we talked with your siblings earlier while you were out, lo siento. I’m moving out tomorrow.”

Victor stared at the end credits in their tv, avoiding his dad’s attempt at eye contact. He had to be strong for his parents, the separation was probably temporary and it could be a good thing in the end. It had to be. 

“Is it nearby?” 

Armando nodded immediately. “Yeah, it’s a walking distance, I’m going to be seeing you guys all the time, don’t worry about it.” Armando scooted closer to Victor. “This is a good thing, Victor, your mami and I need this in order to be our best selves for you guys.”

Victor nodded. “Yeah, I know.” 

They stayed silent for a couple of minutes before Armando spoke. “How’s Mia? You’ve been spending an awful lot of time with Felix, she might get the wrong idea.” He laughed and poked Victor’s ribs.

Victor stood up so quickly that he felt light-headed, his chest hurt, maybe his heart was finally breaking. He tried to force a laugh but his brain had decided to stop working properly, it wasn’t sending air into his lungs, no words to his mouth and he couldn’t really move.

“Victor? Are you okay? Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry, I forgot about your arm!” Armando stood up, looking around, not certain on how to help his son.

_ ‘Yes, papi, you fucking hurt me!’  _ Victor wanted to scream. The room started collapsing around him, he took a couple of steps back until his back hit a wall. He collapsed against it. His breathing wasn’t working properly, he began gasping, feeling like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the air.

He could vaguely hear his dad screaming his name at him, he seemed to be screaming from another dimension, far far away from where Victor was. His stomach flipped remembering what his father had said. How could he keep lying to his entire family? How could he make them proud even if he wasn’t who they thought?

He could feel his heart threatening to jump out of his chest. Was he dying? He hoped he was, maybe that way the pain would stop. He tried to breath once again, only to find his breathing shallow and thick, and not enough.

He could see his dad moving frantically around him, his mom suddenly came into view and Victor felt something else inside of him breaking, she looked so worried.

_ “At least I never have to worry about you.”  _ She had told him when they had first moved to Atlanta. Look at him now. He was such a disappointment.

He gripped his hair with his non-broken hand, why couldn’t he breathe? His vision was blurry with tears, he gasped, his throat was closing up. Was he having an allergic reaction to something?

“Mi amor, breathe!” Isabel screamed at Victor. “Armando, what happened?!” She turned to her estranged husband. “Maybe we should call 911, he’s having trouble breathing and his shirt is soaked!”

Pilar looked at everyone, completely horrified. “I think he’s having a panic attack.”

“That’s ridiculous! Go to your room, Pilar!” Armando instructed.

Pilar ignored him and got on her knees beside his brother. “Hey, Vic, you’re okay, you’re safe here.” She stroked his hair. Victor was still shaking, but his breathing seemed less erratic. Isabel saw this and followed Pilar’s lead, she hugged him, caressing his good arm and humming into his hair.

Eventually, after what felt like hours, Victor’s breathing got back under control and was replaced with silent tears. Pilar gave Victor one last hug before going to her room and leaving him alone with Isabel, Armando quietly watched everything.

“I’m so sorry, mami.” Victor sniffled into her shoulder.

Isabel kissed his head and shook her head against his hair. “It’s okay, you’re okay now.”

She waited for a couple of minutes before speaking again. “Can you stand up? Let’s move to your room, yeah?”

Victor nodded weakly, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to get up, but he had to try, he didn’t want to worry his parents any more.

His legs wobbled underneath him and every move he made took a toll on him, by the time he reached his bed, he collapsed on top of it, completely exhausted. His mom had followed him into his room, she closed the door and sat down beside him, he chanced a look at her and regretted it immediately, she looked even more tired than he was, her hair was everywhere and her mascara had been smudged all over her eyes. Even so, she smiled at him.

“How are you feeling, mi amor?” She stroked his cheek.

Victor looked away. “Estoy bien.”

Isabel sighed and ran her hands through her hair. “Talk to me, Victor, please. I know there are things you don’t want to share with your mom and that’s okay, but I need you to tell me what’s going on, let me help you.”

Victor sniffled and wiped away his tears, he felt so helpless, he didn’t feel ready to tell her everything but he felt obligated to tell her something… Anything.

“I…” He trailed off, not knowing what to say. 

_ I’m gay and it feels like my whole life is going to hell.  _

_ I’m into boys and I almost jumped off a bridge to make it stop.  _

_ I like guys and I’m pretty sure I’d be better off dead. _

Somehow, none of them convinced him. He remembered Kim telling him about their brother finding them almost dead, he didn’t want that to be Pilar or Adrian, he couldn’t do that to them. He needed to get help, he needed to get better.

“Mami…” He started again. “I think there’s something very wrong with me.”

Victor saw his mom’s eyes filled with unshed tears. “What makes you think that?”

“I was going to jump off that bridge.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I almost did it… I think I would have done it if Benji hadn’t arrived.”

Isabel let out a sob and hugged her son tightly. “Victor. Mi amor, I’m so glad you’re okay.” Victor could feel her tears through his thin t-shirt. “But… help me understand, why would you do that? Are you having trouble at school? Is everything okay with Mia?”

Victor flinched at her ex girlfriend’s mention. “Mia and I broke up.”

“Oh! Why didn’t you tell us?” Isabel shook her head. “I know that she was your first girlfriend and this breakup might feel like the end of the world but I promise you it isn’t. You’re so young, so good, you have your whole life ahead of you, you’ll date again.”

Victor sighed. “That’s not it.” He took a few deep breaths to keep himself from collapsing like earlier. “I don’t want to have any other girlfriends.”

Isabel looked confused for a second. “Okay… Then you don’t have to date anyone, that’s okay.”

“Mami, stop.” Victor put his good arm on his face and cried. “Please.”

“I don’t understand, I can’t read your mind. Ayúdame.”

Victor shook his head and sobbed loudly. “I want a  _ boy _ friend, okay? I’m gay! And I hate being this way, but I can’t help it, mami, I can’t, I tried with Mia. I tried  _ so _ hard but I can’t love her the way she wants me to.” Victor kept his arm on top of his eyes, shielding himself, not daring to look at Isabel. He heard her sniffle.

“Victor, look at me.” She moved his arm off his face and forced him to meet her eyes. “Listen to me and listen carefully. There’s nothing that would make me look at you like anything less than perfect. You’re my baby, the love of my life, and you being…  _ that _ doesn’t change anything.” She ran her hand through his hair. “I love you, no matter what.”

Victor let out another sob.

“What happened with your papi today?”

“He just made a joke about me being with Felix and giving Mia the wrong impression and I… I don’t know what happened, I just… lost it. Am I going crazy?”

Isabel shook her head and held him tighter.

“You don’t have to hide anything from me, mi amor, I don’t ever want you to be afraid of talking to me.”

“I’m so scared, mami, the thoughts I’ve been having… I’m afraid of actually going through with it.”

Isabel kissed his head. “We’re going to get you help, okay? I’m gonna make sure you’re okay.”

Victor nodded and swallowed the lump on his throat. “Just… Can we keep this between us for now? I’m not ready for the entire family to know.”

Isabel pursed her lips. “We’ll talk more about this tomorrow, okay? You must be exhausted.”

Victor nodded. “Yeah, I think I’m going to sleep now.”

Isabel tucked him in, just like when he was a little kid. “I love you, mi vida.”

“I love you, too, mami.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it to the end, thank you for reading, I love you, please let me know what you thought about this chapter and what you think will happen next! <3 I hope you're all having a nice day!


	11. Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor pays someone a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not as edited/proof-read as usual, if you notice any mistakes, no you didn’t. Just kidding, please let me know and I’ll fix them.
> 
> Enjoy!

Victor woke up with a splitting headache and sore muscles, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and tried to stretch his arms before remembering one of them was broken, he winced in pain and reached for the pain medication sitting on his nightstand. He quickly showered and put on a navy sweatshirt, along with some jeans and white sneakers.

The smell of bacon, eggs, and something sweet permeated the air and he followed the scent to the kitchen. Pilar and Adrian were already eating while Isabel stirred something in the stove.

“Oh, good! You’re awake.” Isabel smiled tentatively at him.

Victor gave her a half-smile and looked around, nervously.

Pilar was staring at him with worry in her eyes. “Papi isn’t here, he went to close the deal on his new apartment.” 

Victor tried to disguise his relief, he wasn’t looking forward to the inevitable conversation his dad would want to have about the events of the day before. He gave Pilar a grateful look and she nodded, understanding him.

He joined his siblings at the table and they all ate in silence, except for the occasional comment complimenting their mom’s food. Adrian and Pilar finished first and went to their respective bedrooms, leaving Victor alone with Isabel.

He finished his breakfast and took his dishes to the sink. “Mom, I’m going to go see Felix, alright? I’ll be back soon.”

She looked at him with concern. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, mi amor.”

Victor frowned, he had just asked out of habit but he wasn’t expecting her to say no. “Why not?”

“M’ijo.” She sighed. “I’m not sure if you being out of the house is the best idea, right now.”

Victor’s frown deepened. “What? Am I on suicide watch or something? I’m not going to do anything.”

Isabel rested against the cupboard. “No, that’s not it, I’d just feel more comfortable if you stayed here, just for today while we decide what we’re going to do.”

“‘What we’re going to do’?” He echoed.

“Yes. I know we talked yesterday but we need to have another conversation about it.”

“And do we have to do it right now?”

A tear fell from Isabel’s eyes. “I don’t want to leave it for later and then have it be too late!”

Victor flinched. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, you’re right.” He took a tentative step towards her, she buried her head in her hands and cried harder.

“I’m so lost, Victor, I don’t know what is wrong or right in this situation. We need to tell your father.”

Victor’s heartbeat increased, “N-no.” He shook his head taking a step away from his mom. “Please, just give me some more time!”

“Victor, I can’t d-

“What’s going on?” Pilar walked into the kitchen, and casually opened the fridge. If Victor didn’t know her better he’d have believed she had interrupted the conversation by mistake.

“Nothing, I’m going to Felix’s. See you both later.” Victor said before running out of the apartment, not waiting for an answer.

“Victor! Wait!” He heard Isabel yelling after him but she didn’t follow.

He walked up the stairs and raised his fist to knock on Felix’s door before taking a step backward and changing his mind. He needed to get away, he needed some distance to think more clearly.

Victor walked out of the apartment building and started following the same route he had taken a couple of nights before, he walked knowing exactly where he was going this time, even if he had never been there before.

As soon as he reached the car bridge from that night, he felt his hands beginning to shake, and his pulse quickening. He forced himself to keep walking, staring at the floor and increasing his pace.

He kept walking, much more calmly after passing the bridge until he arrived at his destination.

He had never seen the house before, it was painted white, with the paint coming off in some parts, and it had some wooden accents throughout it. A stone walkway led him to the front door. He took a few deep breaths before knocking on the door. Victor could hear some shuffling inside the house and footsteps coming towards him.

The door opened, revealing a petite woman in his 50s, he looked at Victor expectantly. “Yes? Can I help you?”

“Uh, I…, um,” his mouth had gone dry and his shaky hands from before had returned, he hadn’t thought this through. He exhaled before trying again. “Sorry, I- I was looking for… Benji.”

The woman frowned. “And you are?”

“Victor Salazar…, ma’am.” He wiped his left hand on his jeans discreetly and offered it for a handshake. “I’m a student at Creekwood.”

The woman took his hand and gave Victor a firm handshake. “I’m Benji’s mom, Rebecca.” He gave him a once over. “Go ahead, he’s in the garage.” She said pointing towards the side of the house. 

Victor smiled politely. “Thank you.” Benji’s mom went back into the house and Victor walked towards the direction the woman had pointed out.

Benji’s voice reached his ears, along with a guitar being played, a soft melody filled the air drawing Victor in. He approached the garage slowly, he could see Benji sitting on a stool, with his guitar sitting on his right leg, he had his eyes closed, completely lost in the music.

“Your words in my head, knives in my heart.” Benji sang the chorus of the song, Victor could see his face scrunched up with the effort. “You build me up and then I fall apart, 'cause I'm only human.”

“I'm only human, I'm only human, just a little human.” Benji’s voice got louder and louder, full of raw emotion, almost screaming by the end. He got quiet after that, Victor thought the song had ended before Benji started singing and playing again, this time softer.

“I can take so much until I've had enough.” Benji sang, barely above a whisper. Victor took a couple of steps forward to hear him better, he was now close enough to see that the other boy was crying.

Benji looked up at that moment, making them both jump.

Victor winced. “Sorry, keep going, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Benji seemed hesitant for a moment before looking down at his guitar and picking up where he had left off. “'Cause I'm only human, and I bleed when I fall down, I’m only human, and I crash and I break down.” The emotion was back in full force, taking Victor’s breath away. “Your words in my head, knives in my heart, you build me up and then I fall apart.” Benji looked up and made eye contact with Victor. “'Cause I'm only human.” He whispered.

They stayed silent for a moment, neither of them knowing what to say, but maintaining eye contact.

Victor took a step forward. “That was amazing, B.” 

Benji sniffled and wiped his tears away. “Thank you… What are you doing here?”

“Oh! Um, I just… I was walking by and-” Victor shook his head, “No, I wasn’t.” he chuckled nervously. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Benji raised his eyebrows. “Okay… I thought we were seeing each other on Friday.”

“Yeah, but this couldn’t wait.” Victor took another step forward, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I came out to my mom…”

“Vic! That’s huge! I’m so proud of you!” Benji pushed his guitar to his back and launched himself towards Victor, embracing him tightly.

Victor hugged him back. “Thank you, it went okay… Up until this morning when she kind of told me she wanted to tell my dad.”

Benji grabbed him by the shoulders and took a step backward putting some distance in between them with a concerned look. “How do you feel about that?”

Victor looked up, trying to swallow the feeling of dread. “I’m scared, I don’t know how he’ll react. I think I had a panic attack yesterday after he made a comment about me spending too much time with Felix.”

“You like Felix?” Benji frowned. “Sorry, not the point, are you okay? A panic attack sounds intense.”

Victor laughed despite himself. “I do not like Felix.” He shook his head. “I’m okay, I was scared when it happened but I’m okay now.”

“Good.” Benji bit his lip trying not to smile.

“Good that I don’t like Felix? Or good that I’m okay?”

Benji looked away, a blush sitting high on his cheeks. “Both.”

Victor didn’t want to ruin the moment but he needed to ask. “Are _you_ okay?”

Benji’s face fell and his blush deepened, he nodded. 

“Hey, look at me.” Victor grabbed him by the chin with his good arm. “Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

“I wasn’t expecting you, I didn’t want anyone to see me like that.” Benji sighed.

“Is this about Derek?” Victor asked, regretting it immediately upon seeing Benji flinch.

“No!” Benji said, way too quickly. “Maybe, just a little… Look, the truth is, I’ve also been pretty worried about you since… that night. I feel guilty… like I’m your abettor.”

“Benji… I’m so sorry, I never meant to make you feel that way. I shouldn’t have asked you to keep it to yourself, that wasn’t fair… Look, I told my mom what happened that night…”

“You did?” Benji raised his eyebrows, surprised.

“Yes, last night.” 

Benji nodded. “That’s good, that makes me feel so much better… What did she say?”

“She said she would get me help… Whatever that means.” Victor shrugged.

“Remember that car accident I had? The one that got me a suspended license?” 

“Yeah.”

“I actually ended up going to therapy after that, it helped me get the tools to deal with the things that were happening to me.” Benji looked up at the sky and stayed silent for a couple of seconds, Victor could tell he wanted to say more so he stayed quiet. “I kind of understand what you’re going through. Back then I thought I was doing my best to deal with everything but in reality I was self-harming and self-sabotaging and just… making things a thousand times worse for myself.”

“Benji, I-”

“If you ever feel like you did that night again, please just call me. We can hang out, distract you, whatever you need… I was really scared that night when you fell… For a second there, I thought you were… dead.” Benji sniffled again. “I care about you so much, Vic. Thinking I had lost you when we weren’t on the best terms, it killed me.”

“I’m so sorry you had to witness that.” Victor looked away, trying not to cry.

Benji cleared his throat. “I’m not. I’m glad I was there, I don’t even want to think what would have happened otherwise.”

Victor winced. “You’re right, but I’m still sorry, I really care about you, too. I promise I’ll call you if… yeah.”

Victor looked Benji in the eye, he put his good arm on Benji’s shoulder and felt the urge to close the gap that was still between them. Benji noticed this and took a step backward.

“Look, I just broke up with Derek, and you’re clearly going through something, but I really like you. I just feel like I can be myself when I’m around you.”

Victor nodded, sadly. “I really like you, too, and I want to be with you, but… I need to get better first, I don’t want to hurt you… and I don’t want to be your rebound.”

Benji nodded, wiping away the last of his tears. “I’m going to wait for you.”

“You don’t have-”

“No, but I’m going to. I can tell this is worth it. You are worth it, Victor.” Benji said, Victor stared at him, fighting the urge to contradict him. He didn’t feel worthy, far from it, but maybe he could be, someday. “From the day I met you I knew you were special, and when you kissed me… I was mad at myself because I couldn’t keep denying I had feelings for you, I felt so guilty, but now I can finally admit it, I want to be with you.”

Victor smiled, he pressed his forehead against Benji’s. “I want to be with you, too, just give me some time to sort this out, if we’re gonna do this I want all in, I’m not going to hide you or who I am.”

Benji hugged him. “Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”

Victor hugged him back and breathed him in, having Benji so close to him was like a drug, every nerve ending on his body coming to life, he couldn’t get enough. How had he ever planned to be without him?

Benji eventually let him go, leaving Victor with a sense of loss.

“Hey, can you help me?” Benji went back to the garage and grabbed a stack of papers from a table. “The Sticky Beaks need a new bassist, so I was tasked with putting some posters up. You in?”

Victor nodded, “Sure.” Benji gave him half of the posters and grabbed a staple gun.

“Let’s do this.”

They worked in comfortable silence, Victor holding the posters up while Benji stapled them in. They walked all throughout Benji’s neighborhood until Victor felt his phone buzzing incessantly in his pocket.

> **Pilar Salazar:** where r u 
> 
> **Pilar Salazar:** come home asap
> 
> **Pilar Salazar:** dads freaking out, you need to come back rn
> 
> **Pilar Salazar:** pick up your damn phone
> 
> **Pilar Salazar:** !!!!!!!!
> 
> **Pilar Salazar:** god damnit victor

He felt his pulse racing, he had 3 missed calls along with the texts, one from his mom and two from Pilar. 

“Hey, Vic, what’s wrong?” Benji must have seen the panic on his face.

Victor shook his head. “I- I’m not sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing Benji! I can’t wait to hear everyone’s thoughts about this chapter!


	12. Whirlpool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...?

Benji walked Victor home, they still put up some posters along the way but they were mostly running since Victor was panicking.

He had called Pilar back to let her know he was on his way home, she didn’t tell him much about what was going on except that he needed to hurry.

They arrived at Victor’s apartment building in record time, “Okay, well, call me if you need anything, okay?”

Victor nodded. “Thank you, B… For everything.”

Benji smiled at him softly. Victor wanted to scream, how unfair that something so cute could make him feel so bad. 

“No problem, let me know how it goes.” 

Victor nodded once more and walked in, he turned around one last time and caught Benji staring at him and in that moment he just allowed himself to feel every ounce of fondness he had for him. He promised himself he’d do anything to be the best possible version of himself for Benji. He waved at him one last time before walking into the building and going straight to his apartment.

He heard the yelling first, his dad was screaming something unintelligible, as Victor climbed up the stairs and got closer to his home, he started making out his dad’s angry spiel.

“I can’t believe you let him go knowing he could do something stupid! You saw him yesterday, he’s not okay! I’m going to go find him before he-”

Victor walked in, everyone immediately got quiet and stared at him. Pilar must have been in her room or with Adrian because the only ones in the living room were his parents.

“Before I what?” Victor asked, surprising himself with how calm he sounded.

“Your mom told me what you were doing that night at the bridge,” Armando said, his voice calm, his nostrils flaring with anger betraying how he truly felt. “What the hell were you thinking? We’ve raised you better than that!” Armando hit the nearest wall, making Victor and Isabel flinch. “When did you become this selfish, reckless person?!” He screamed.

Victor frowned, Isabel took a step forward. “Calm down, Mando, let’s sit down and talk about this.”

Armando huffed. “You are the reason he’s acting this way, stop protecting him!”

Isabel flinched and Victor felt a bolt of energy radiating through his body. “She didn’t do anything wrong, I did it because I felt completely helpless! Everything was going wrong and I couldn’t do anything about it!”

Isabel covered her face. “Victor.”

“What are you talking about?” Armando frowned.

“I…” Victor looked at Armando, Benji’s smile burned in the back of his mind giving him courage. “I’m gay.”

Armando stared at him. “No, you’re not.” He started pacing back and forth, not saying anything. Victor felt his whole body trembling with fear, Armando being silent was far more terrifying than him screaming.

“Mando, let’s sit down, please!” Isabel begged, tears streaming down her face.

“You already knew this?!” Armando pushed a chair, screaming. “You clearly don’t know how to deal with this! Pack a bag, Victor, you’re coming with me.”

“What?” Isabel and Victor exclaimed at the same time.

“You heard me, you’re coming to live with me.” Armando said, not leaving room for an argument.

Victor looked to his mom trying to get her to do something but she was staring at the floor intently, avoiding him at all costs.

“I want to stay here, papi.” Victor said, hating how weak he sounded.

“I don’t care about what you want! You have shown us you’re not capable of making the right decisions!” Armando screamed, Victor looked around panicked, “I’m your father and I’ll be damned if don’t-”

“Dad, please, please, don’t make me leave!”

“Do not interrupt me, Victor. You’re coming with me and that’s done.” Victor swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded.

He went to his room and took a few deep breaths, he looked around trying to decide what to take with him, he didn’t dare grab much stuff since he was hoping he would be able to convince his dad to let him stay at the apartment. He grabbed his gym bag, the same one he had brought with him on his New York trip, and shoved a couple of t-shirts, a flannel and jeans in it, his phone and his charger followed suit.

“I don’t think this is the right thing to do, Armando.” He heard his mother whispering, she was crying. “You can’t take him away.”

“We can’t let him ruin his life, this is not normal, Isabel! Are we supposed to just watch him lose every chance at salvation?” 

Victor stayed in his room, waiting to see what his mom would say but she just stayed silent. He heard footsteps coming towards him and he held his breath expecting it to be his father, Pilar tip-toed into his room and closed the door as silently as possible, Victor exhaled as soon as she came into view.

“What’s going on?” She whispered.

“I’m going to move in with dad.” Victor sniffled, trying his best not to cry.

“Does he know?” Victor could hear the concern in her voice, and he wished more than ever that he could spare her from dealing with all of this. If only he was normal.

“Yeah, he knows.”

Pilar frowned and shook her head. “I don’t think you should go with him.”

“I have no choice, Pilar, I’m going to try and come back soon, but, meanwhile, take care of mom and Adrian, okay?”

Pilar nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He hugged her one last time before stepping out of his room.

* * *

The walk to Armando’s new apartment was silent, Armando kept stealing angry glances at Victor, who had his eyes set on the pavement. 

Victor felt really overwhelmed by the whole ordeal, he felt ashamed, angry, confused, sad, disappointed, all at once, and the weight on his chest was dragging him down, he put all of his energy into walking but he suddenly felt exhausted, his headache returning at full force.

Armando’s apartment was only a couple of blocks away, they arrived there within minutes and Armando led Victor to the guest room, it was painted navy blue, it was pretty empty with only a twin bed and a dresser already there, and a door that led to an attached bathroom.

“You know this is for your own good, right? I’m not the enemy here.” He crossed his arms. “I can’t let you ruin your life, it’s my job to steer you in the right direction.”

Victor nodded, not wanting to make him angry again.

Armando sighed. “I’m going to heat up something for dinner. Unpack and settle in.”

“Yes, dad.”

Armando left the room without another word.

Victor grabbed his phone and went through his text messages, he quickly found Simon’s contact.

 **Victor Salazar:** Hey, Si. 

**Victor Salazar:** I’m pretty sure I fucked everything up.

 **Victor Salazar:** I came out to my parents, my mom was mostly okay with it, I think, but my dad wasn’t.

 **Victor Salazar:** He forced me to move in with him so you can’t come pick me up tomorrow, send me your address and I’ll see you there, okay?

Victor waited for a few minutes before his phone buzzed with a new message.

 **Simon Spier:** Are you okay?

Victor asked himself the same question, was he okay? He felt the numbness of _that_ night taking over, like anesthesia through his veins travelling directly to his heart and mind, he laid down on the bed. His phone buzzed again, Simon was calling him, he rejected the call and sent him a message.

 **Victor Salazar:** I’m good, I’ll see you tomorrow.

Victor put his phone away and scrunched up his face, he tried to cry, to let all the emotions out but it never happened, maybe he had finally cried himself out of tears. He stared at the wall, there was a small cross hanging on it, mocking him. Victor closed his eyes again and he tried something he hadn’t done in months.

_Heavenly Father, I am thankful for being alive, for the health of my family and for my friends. I pray for help, I need you to help me get rid of these feelings or help me get my dad to understand what I’m going through, I don’t want to lose him. I pray for forgiveness and for Benji, may our souls be saved. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen._

He didn’t move after that, he kept his eyes closed, waiting for something to happen, daring God to do something, to prove to him that he was going to be okay.

“Dinner’s ready.” His dad shouted from outside the room. 

Victor sighed and got up, he wished he was nervous or angry but no feelings came. He sat down across from his dad and stared at the microwaved leftovers in front of him. Armando crossed himself and Victor followed suit.

“Bless us, oh Lord, and bless this food which you provided. Bless the hands that prepared it, and bless my son Victor, who needs your guidance right now. Amen.”

Victor bit the inside of his mouth, forcing himself to stay silent. Since when was his dad so religious? _What a hypocrite._ “Amen.”

They ate, only the sound of the cutlery crashing against the plates filling the silence. Victor wasn’t hungry but he forced himself to eat everything, feeling nauseous by the end of it.

Armando put everything in the dishwasher and sat back down.

“Victor, my job is to guide you, I don’t want to see you throwing your life away, because that’s what you’re doing with these choices.” Armando put his elbows on the table and crossed his arms. “Don’t you want to have a family? A normal one? And what about Mia?”

Victor looked away.

Armando sighed. “Go to your room. You won’t be going out for the rest of the break, I won’t let you throw everything away.”

Victor got up and went back to the room where his things were. He grabbed his phone from where it had landed earlier, he had a couple of messages waiting for him.

 **Pilar Salazar:** are u okay?

That question again. He didn’t want to worry her even more, so he just replied with a short “I’m fine.”

 **Felix Weston:** pilar told me wht happned, u okay? do u want to ft?

He wasn’t sure if it’d be a good idea to facetime Felix with his dad checking in on him constantly, as much as he wanted to see him.

 **Victor Salazar:** I’m okay, I can’t rn but I’ll try to call you tomorrow, ok?

Simon had also texted him his address, and finally, he had a text from Benji.

 **Benji Campbell:** Hey, Vic, just checking in, how did everything go? Are you in trouble?

 **Victor Salazar:** Everything’s fine. It’s kind of a long story, I’ll tell you everything next time I see you.

Victor thought about it, friday seemed to be a lifetime away, he didn’t want to risk his father listening but he wanted to hear Benji’s voice so badly.

 **Victor Salazar:** Actually, can I call you?

 **Benji Campbell:** Sure. 

“Dad, I’m going to take a shower!” Victor shouted and waited for Armando’s answer before going to the attached bathroom in his room and locking himself in.

He turned on the shower and hoped that that’d be enough to drown out his voice. He dialed Benji’s phone and waited.

“Hello?”

“Hi, I don’t have much time.” Victor whispered.

“Are you okay?” Benji asked, hearing the question out loud felt like a punch in the gut for Victor, he sat down on the floor, inhaling and exhaling rhythmically, trying to calm down. “Victor?”

“N-no.” He managed to choke out, he took another deep breath. “I had to move in with my dad, I don’t know for how long.”

“Why?”

“He found out about the bridge… and that I’m gay… He’s convinced I’m ruining my life.”

“Victor…” Benji sighed. “I’m so sorry he didn’t take it well, are you safe?”

“I think so, he’s angry but I don’t think he’d actually hurt me or anything like that.” Victor said, surprised that he actually believed that, he was more scared of losing his dad than of Armando hurting him.

“That’s good, but if anything changes you need to promise me you’ll tell me and we’ll see the way to get you out of there, okay?” 

Victor exhaled, knowing he had people on his corner was relieving. “Okay… I have to go now but I’ll try to call you again soon, I'll find a way to see you on Friday… If you still want to hang out.”

“I’d love that.” Victor could hear the smile on Benji’s face. “Goodnight, Vic.”

“Night, B.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that happened.  
> Every comment is a f*ck you, Armando.  
> I think this will be the last bit of angst on this fic, so, hang in there, things will start looking up for Vic. I love you all. <3


	13. Weapons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor sneaks out and meets some new people.

Victor woke up to the sound of his dad talking loudly on the phone, he groaned and put his head under his pillow trying to drown out the noise. 

“He’s staying here, Isabel! Yo me voy a asegurar de enderezar su camino y de que deje de salir con esos…*” Victor could hear Armando pacing back and forth. “He’s my son, too!”

Victor grunted, it would be useless trying to go back to sleep. He wanted to be brave, he wanted to run out into the living room and scream at his dad, he wanted to be able to defend Benji and himself, but at the end of the day, the thing he wanted the most was to turn back on time and never tell his dad the truth.

“I don’t care, Isabel! He needs guidance, he needs me right now!”

Victor laughed, not being able to help himself, he wasn’t so sure about needing his dad’s guidance, especially if it meant being away from his mom and siblings. He rubbed his eyes and stretched his arms, being careful with his broken one.

“We’re done talking about this, Isabel.” Armando said, bringing his volume down. “Adiós.”

Victor stayed in his bed, he was hungry but he really didn’t want to face his father, so he waited until Armando knocked on his door to wake him up. Breakfast was a quiet affair much like the day before, Armando had cooked some scrambled eggs and toast, but Victor found himself missing his mom, and her food, a little bit more.

“I wasn’t able to take the day off, so I have to go to work, I’ll be home early and we can have dinner together.” Armando said in between bites.

Victor smiled tightly and nodded. “Yeah, okay.” He pushed the food around on his plate. “I’m sorry I made you upset.”

Armando frowned. “I’m only upset because I want the best for you, Victor.”

“I know.”

Armando picked up his plate and put it on the dishwasher. “Alright, I have to go now. You don’t have permission to go anywhere, understood? I’m sorry it has to be like that but you have to earn back my trust.”

Victor nodded, swallowing the remorse. “Alright.”

* * *

Victor opened his gym bag and grabbed a flannel he had packed, along with his jeans from the day before and his trusty Nike Cortezes, he dressed up as quickly as possible. Simon had agreed to change the dinner to lunch in order for Victor to get home before his dad returned, they’d also agreed to meet a couple of blocks away from Armando’s apartment since Victor didn’t have a car and Simon’s house was not a walking distance.

Victor waited patiently at their meeting spot, which was right outside of a Chinese restaurant. Simon arrived a few minutes later and Victor got in the car as fast as possible, his heart beating wildly with adrenaline, he was terrified of Armando discovering him.

“Hi, Vic,” Simon said with a half-smile. “I’m glad you could make it!”

“Hey, yeah, me too.”

“How are you feeling?”

Victor bit his lip nervously, he didn’t want to dump all of his problems on Simon. “I’m… hanging in there.” 

Simon patted him on the knee. “It’s going to be okay, and I can promise you today’s going to be great.”

Victor nodded and forced himself to smile.

The rest of the drive consisted of Simon filling in the silence, Victor felt grateful since he really wasn’t in a chatty mood, he was happy to let Simon talk on and on about whatever band was playing on the car’s radio.

“Alright, let me give you a heads up. If my dad makes a joke, laugh at it, he’s really trying so we all pretend he’s hilarious. And my little sister, Nora… wait, I think she’s actually on your grade, you’re a sophomore right?”

“Uh, yeah, I don’t think I’ve met her though.”

Simon frowned. “Well, she’s definitely met you, but you’ll meet her today, she’s cool. Don’t tell her I said that.”

Victor chuckled, the sound almost feeling foreign to him. 

“And my mom… she’s the best, no heads up there.”

They arrived at the Spier’s home a few minutes later, Victor felt like he could breathe a little bit easier with every step he took farther away from his dad’s apartment, even if it was just for an afternoon, he was determined to enjoy himself and forget about the mess waiting for him back home.

Simon’s parents lived in a two stories house, the kind of house Victor had dreamed to grow up in, not a mansion like Mia’s but still pretty well off. Simon parked the car right outside of the house, and, right as they were getting out, Bram opened the front door and walked up to them.

“You’re here!” He hugged Victor tightly before turning to Simon and giving him a kiss. “Come on, the food’s almost ready, I’m happy to report that Nora’s cooking has gotten better.”

Simon hummed and offered his hand for Bram to hold, he accepted it and Victor followed them inside the house, the smell of food permeating the air and leading them straight into the kitchen. A blonde girl had her back turned to them while stirring something in the stove.

“Nora, this smells amazing!” Simon exclaimed by way of greeting. 

Nora huffed, sounding stressed. “It’s almost done, I hope it tastes as good as it smells.”

“I’m sure it’ll be amazing! Can you leave it alone for a couple of seconds so that I can introduce you?” She nodded and turned down the flame before turning around with a big smile on her face, Victor took a step backward.

He had forgotten about the blonde girl that had been following him at school, but now she was right in front of him.

“Oh.” Victor exclaimed, unable to stop himself.

“The elusive Victor!” Nora pressed her lips trying to contain her laughter.

Bram and Simon exchanged a look.

“Vic, this is my little sister, Nora.” Simon said.

“Hi, it’s nice to be properly introduced. I’m sorry I was kind of stalking you at school,” She pointed at Simon. “this dumbass sent me to make sure you were okay but it seemed like the universe didn’t want us to talk.”

“Uh, h-hi.” Victor said trying to school his features into something less shocked. “I had no idea you were Simon’s sister, it’s nice to meet you.”

“I was just worried when I got your messages and since I couldn’t come earlier I asked Nora to talk to you, but she wasn’t able to, apparently it’s really hard to get you alone.” Simon chuckled.

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of his friends!” Nora defended herself. “Now let me get back to the food unless you want to eat burnt pasta.”

“Burnt pasta? I’m sure you’d make even that taste good, kiddo.” A man said entering the kitchen, followed by a woman. Nora smiled and rolled her eyes before turning back to the stove.

The woman walked up to Victor with a smile on her face. “You must be Victor, it’s so nice to meet you!” She said, pulling Victor into a hug, being careful with his cast. “I’m Emily, Simon’s mom, I’ve heard so much about you. I’m glad you could make it!”

Victor couldn’t help but smile back at her, she radiated warmth. “It’s very nice to meet you, ma’am.”

“Oh no, none of that! Call me Emily, please.” 

Victor nodded shyly. The man cleared his throat and Emily put her arm around her husband’s back. “And this is my husband, Jack.” 

“Nice to meet you, Victor.”

Simon clapped his hands. “Well, now that everyone’s been introduced, why don’t we move so that we can give Nora some space? As much faith as we have on her, I don’t want to eat burnt pasta.”

Everyone agreed and they moved to the back garden where Jack had already prepared a table and six chairs, there were some nachos and guacamole in the center of the table which made Victor homesick, his mom prepared the best guacamole he had ever had. Everyone sat around the table, he ended up beside Bram.

“Hey, are you okay?” Bram whispered to him, his brow furrowed.

Victor sighed, he wanted to enjoy the rest of the day but he was tired of pretending to be fine. “Not really.” He finally admitted.

Bram nodded thoughtfully, Simon was engrossed in a conversation with his dad so he turned towards Emily. “Can I give Victor a tour of your home? We’ll be right back.”

“Of course.” Emily smiled at Bram. “This is your home, too. Go ahead.”

Simon smiled and Bram gave Emily a hug. “Thanks!” He turned back to Victor and motioned for him to follow him.

Victor walked behind Bram, who was walking past everything without showing Victor around like he said he would, they walked up the stairs and entered one of the bedrooms. The first thing Victor noticed was a vinyl record player sitting on top of a dresser, there were a ton of polaroids stuck to the wall behind it and Victor could see Bram and Simon featured in most of them with a couple of other people Victor didn’t recognize.

“Those are our Creekwood friends, we are now scattered all across the country but we still keep in touch.” Bram explained.

Victor nodded, they looked really happy in the pictures, playing around and giving big smiles to the camera on most of them. “How did they react when you came out?”

“They were really nice about it. Simon had a harder time than me, there was this huge misunderstanding and they turned their backs on him when he was outed on Creekwood Secrets.”

“What? He was outed?” Bram nodded. “Wow, I had no idea.”

They both sat down on Simon’s bed.

“He was blackmailed for months before that asshole posted it on the tumblr, Martin found our emails and Simon agreed to help him get with our friend Abby in exchange for his silence. She eventually rejected him in front of the whole school and so he posted our emails to try to get people to stop talking about him.”

“That’s… awful.”

Bram bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah, Simon was only trying to protect me, you know? He knew I would freak out if everyone found out about the emails.”

“I’d freak out too, I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“It was really tough when it happened, but we’re stronger now and it shaped us to be the people we are now.”

Victor huffed. “All this time I thought you had had a perfect epic love story.”

Bram laughed. “I mean, it was perfect and epic but only because it was with Simon. All of the things we’ve had to deal with have been worth it because we got each other out of it.”

Victor smiled, somehow knowing that Simon had survived his own nightmare made it feel like maybe he’d survive his own. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?”

Victor stayed silent for a couple of seconds before finally nodding. “I don’t want to live with my dad, he’s convinced there’s something wrong with me and I heard him basically saying I was going to hell. He’s not even that religious, I don’t understand. He seemed to be okay with Benji and Derek on my birthday but now that it’s me and it somehow affects him he’s just being horrible about it. Simon has no idea, but I had to sneak out today in order to be here… I just want to go home with my mom and Pilar and Adrian. I’m kind of hurt that my mom let him take me away.”

Bram stayed silent, just humming and nodding whenever it was fit but otherwise letting Victor speak. 

“I also woke up to my dad fighting on the phone with my mom about me, I’m afraid I might be ruining their relationship even further, they were on good terms before all of this, I thought they’d get back together eventually but now I’m not so sure.”

Bram shook his head. “Victor, whatever happens between your parents you can’t blame yourself, they are adults and they make their own decisions, if they end up getting divorced then that’s on them.” Bram put his hand on Victor’s shoulder.

“But they’re fighting again because of me, I’m the one creating this conflict.”

“Your dad is the one creating this conflict, not you, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

Victor frowned. “But…” 

“Look, my parents are divorced, so I get it, and although it can be hard, the worst thing you can do is blame yourself. Allow yourself to feel grief, sadness, anger, but not towards yourself. It’s not your fault that your dad is being an intolerant bigoted asshole. And I hope your parents fight about that because that means your mom doesn’t feel the same as him.”

Victor stayed silent, trying to process everything Bram had said. “I just wish he would support me, this is already hard enough, I can’t deal with him hating me, I love him.”

Bram sighed. “I know you do, and I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. Just… try to give him time, you’ve had some time to come to terms with this, he hasn’t. Try to be patient, I know it’s easier said than done but…”

Victor nodded. “You’re right, I’m going to try.”

Bram rubbed his back comfortingly. “Are you ready to go back?”

Victor’s stomach grumbled, as if on cue. They both chuckled. “Yeah, let’s go.”

When they got back to the table, Nora had brought out the food and was in the process of handing out plates for everyone. Bram and Victor sat down on their previous places and Nora ended up sitting on Victor’s other side.

Victor found himself smiling and laughing along with everyone else, he missed having a meal with his family but the Spiers were being so welcoming and nice to him that it almost made him forget about it. Almost.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Nora asked Victor when no one else was paying attention to them.

“Sure.”

“What was that letter you shoved into Benji’s locker? I didn’t tell anyone but I can’t stop thinking about it.” Her eyes glinted with a mischievous look.

Victor blushed and looked away, feeling embarrassed. “Oh! Um, well, I did something wrong and I was apologizing to him and trying to show him where I was coming from.”

“Did he forgive you?” She said propping her head on her hands.

“Yeah, we’re good now.” Victor said not being able to conceal his smile. He ate the last bit on his plate. “This was really good, Nora. Thank you.”

Nora gave Victor her biggest smile. “Thank you! I’m glad you liked it.”

Victor went over their conversation on his head. “Wait, do you know Benji?”

Nora shrugged. “I mean, we’re not friends, but I know who he is.” She explained. “I used to have a band and we went up against The Sticky Beaks a couple of times.”

“What instrument do you play?”

“I play the guitar, and I’m learning how to play the bass.” 

Victor jumped in his seat. “Really? The Sticky Beaks are looking for a bassist!”

“Oh, I don’t know if I’m good enough to be in a band, yet.”

Simon had been quietly listening to the conversation. “Come on, Nora, you’ve gotten pretty good at it, you should at least audition.”

Nora bit her lip and shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“Well, think about it?” Victor pleaded.

“Fine,” She said, dragging the word. “I’ll think about it.”

Victor and Simon cheered. Bram, Emily, and Jack laughed about something, and Victor felt something warm spreading on his chest, something that almost felt like hope. Hope that maybe one day everything would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Yo me voy a asegurar de enderezar su camino y de que deje de salir con esos…= I'll make sure to put him in the right path and that he's not hanging out with those...


	14. Wave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armando finds out about Victor sneaking out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, before y'all kill me, I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone that's taken the time to read this story. I love you all so so much and it means the world to me. This story has introduced me to some really incredible people and I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and leaving such lovely comments and feedback, it truly warms my heart!
> 
> Also, this chapter contains several phrases in Spanish, I've put translations at the end notes! Enjoy!

Simon dropped Victor off a couple of streets away from Armando’s apartment, Victor walked quickly, his dad was supposed to be at his work for a couple more hours but he didn’t want to risk it. He reached the building and felt his heart jump out of his chest as he spotted his dad’s car parked right outside of the building. 

Victor checked the time, his dad wasn’t supposed to be back yet. He took a deep breath and debated whether to go up there and face him or move to another country where Armando would never find him. Victor sighed and braced himself.

He walked up the stairs to the apartment and opened the door.

“Dad? I’m-” He started saying before spotting his mom and dad sitting on the living room’s couch.

“Victor, where were you?” Armando said, surprisingly calm.

“I… I just went for a walk.” He lied.

“Do not lie to me!” Armando raised his voice.

Victor felt his mouth going dry. “I’m n-not-”

“I know you left as soon as I was gone, you think I’m stupid? You forgot to disable Find my iPhone, m’ijo.” Armando said between his teeth.

Victor froze in place, he felt his vision going blurry. He shook his head.

“Victor, te voy a preguntar una vez más, what the hell were you thinking?”

Victor kept shaking his head, unable to speak. 

“Victor, this was very irresponsible, we weren’t sure if you were safe.” Isabel said frowning, Victor could tell she had been crying. “Where were you?”

Victor focused on his mom, trying to stay calm. “I just… I went to a friend’s house.”

“We were about to go look for you, we were really worried, Victor.”

Victor couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Well, maybe if I hadn’t been brought here against my will I wouldn’t have sneaked out, I’m not a baby, stop treating me like one.”

“Do not speak to us like that, qué falta de respeto!” Armando raised his voice again, making Victor flinch. 

“I’m sorry, I was just with a friend, it’s not a big deal.”

“First, you try to hurt yourself, then, you tell us you’re…” Armando trailed off. “and now you’re sneaking out?” He stood up from the couch and started pacing. “It’s like I don’t even know you, I don’t recognize you.”

“I’m sorry I lied but you gave me no other choice!” Victor fired back, suddenly feeling as angry as Armando seemed to be. “And I’m not sorry about the bridge or telling you who I am. It’s not that you don’t know me, you’re just ignoring me when I tell you who I am.” Victor took a step toward his parents. “I’m gay and that’s not going to change. Your love is supposed to be unconditional, if you can’t accept me then that’s on you.” Victor said firmly, remembering Bram’s words.

“Of course we love you, mi amor.” Isabel got up from the couch and threw her arms around Victor. “I told you, nothing’s going to change that.”

Victor let out a shaky breath of relief, and let himself fall into his mother’s arms.

Armando sat down with his head buried in his hands, shaking his head as if to wake himself up from a nightmare. “I just don’t get it!” He exclaimed before looking up at Victor. “You were so good with Mia! What happened?”

Victor flinched upon hearing his ex-girlfriend’s name. “Mia is awesome, but I just don’t feel that way about her, I can’t.” 

“Well, maybe she just wasn’t the right one for you,” Armando said making Victor huff, he walked away from Isabel and towards Victor.

“Dad… No. I think if I could be into girls, Mia would be the one I’d want to be with.” Victor ran his good hand through his hair. “This has nothing to do with her, I’ve known this for a long time even if I hadn’t accepted it until very recently.”

“Esque no es posible*!” Armando muttered angrily. “I can’t accept this, I’m sorry, this is wrong and I can’t watch you throw your life away like this, I just can’t. If you don’t want to be helped then there’s nothing I can do for you.” 

“But papi…”

“Isabel, just take him with you. Por favor, no puedo ni verlo.” Armando got up and went to his room, closing the door behind him and leaving Isabel and Victor alone in the living room.

Isabel hugged Victor again, tighter this time. “It’s going to be okay, just give him time, mi amor, he’ll come around. Todo va a estar bien*.”

Victor squirmed in her arms and took a step back. “How do you know that? He hates me. I don’t think this can be fixed, mami. I need him right now and he’s just tossing me aside, I don’t even know how I could forgive him for doing this to me.” Victor sobbed, the back and forth of his shoulders feeling like an earthquake, leaving him light-headed.

“Victor, he loves you more than anything in the world, he could never hate you, he just needs time.” Victor didn’t answer, crying quietly, feeling like something had cracked in his chest, this hurt so much more than his broken arm, this was tearing him from the inside. “Let’s go home, mi niño.” Isabel wrapped her arm around Victor and led him downstairs.

The air hit them as soon as they stepped out into the street, the tears still falling down from Victor’s eyes drying immediately, and leaving a cold uncomfortable feeling on his face. They walked slowly to her mom’s car, the only noise reaching them being Victor’s sniffles and coughs in between sobs.

The short drive back to Isabel’s apartment was spent in the same fashion, Victor looked out the window the entire time, not being able to stop the tears, as much as he kept wiping his eyes, new ones just appeared.

They got out of the car and Victor opened the door quickly, feeling dizzy and claustrophobic inside it. His breathing started to get frantic and he could only send his mom a panicked look before he lost his footing and had to sit down on the concrete sidewalk. He felt the contents of his stomach coming back up and he turned just in time to throw up on the sidewalk and not on himself.

“Victor!” Isabel gasped, running around the car and toward her son. “Hey, hey, look at me, you’re okay, you’re safe.” She said quickly, remembering how Pilar had calmed him down the last time.

Victor tried to stay grounded, gripping the edge of the sidewalk tightly, his knuckles turning white, but he felt as if someone was stepping on his chest, robbing him of oxygen and leaving only his frantic heartbeat behind. 

Isabel frowned, seeing that her words had next to no impact on Victor. She hugged him tightly against her chest and started rocking him back and forth.

“ _Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high.”_ Isabel started singing softly while stroking Victor’s hair. _“There’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.”_

Victor inhaled sharply, remembering how his mom used to sing that for him when he was little and couldn’t sleep, remembering how she used to say the song was so powerful it made the monsters go away, Victor had always thought it was her voice, not the song.

She didn’t let go of him, humming the rest of the song against his hair, by the end of it, Victor was only crying softly, his breathing mostly under control.

They stayed like that for a few moments longer, until Victor was finally able to stand up and walk the rest of the way to their apartment. Adrian and Pilar were playing in the living room, running around and chasing each other; Adrian was the first to spot them, he stopped dead on his tracks and ran towards Victor squealing.

“You’re back!” 

Victor chuckled and hugged him. “Hey, buddy.”

“Are you staying here or are you going back with dad?” Adrian asked, not letting go of Victor. Victor hugged him even tighter.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good, Pilar tried to make pancakes this morning and almost burned the apartment down, we need you.” Adrian said shuddering at the memory, Victor laughed and looked over at Pilar, who he realized was crying silently. She rolled her eyes.

“At least I tried.” She sniffled, crossing her arms and discreetly wiping a few tears away, she bit her lip trying to hold back a sob but failing, she ran to her room.

“Pilar!” Isabel shouted after her, she looked worriedly at Victor. “Why don’t you go lay down for a minute? I’ll go check on your sister.”

“No, let me talk to her.” Victor said walking past his mother, Isabel let him.

Victor knocked softly on Pilar’s door. “Can I come in?”

Pilar opened the door for him before going to lay down on her bed. Her face looked red and she had mascara streaks falling down her cheeks, which she kept wiping away fruitlessly. She stared at Victor as if he was a ghost before launching herself at him and wrapping him in her arms.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I know what happened at the bridge, Victor. I heard when mom told dad everything.” She sobbed in his arms, he tightened his grip on her. “I don’t want you to die.” 

“Hey, hey. I’m here, I’m fine. It’s going to be okay, I- I won’t do that again. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to know that.” Victor sighed. “I’m sorry, Pilar.”

“Victor, you don’t have to apologize, I am the one who is sorry, I’m so sorry.” She sniffled against his shirt before taking a step back and hugging herself. “I’ve been awful to you, I kept making remarks about you not having a girlfriend, and then when you got one I just started saying how you didn’t deserve her and I just… I feel so bad, I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I didn’t love you or like I wouldn’t accept you. I love you, Vic, I don’t care if you’re gay or if you cheated on Mia or if you freaking killed someone. I don’t care, I don’t want to live in a world without you.”

Victor blinked back his tears. “I love you, too, Pilar, but you don’t have to feel guilty, you didn’t know that I was gay and me thinking about… killing myself, that didn’t have anything to do with you, you’re the best sister I could’ve asked for.” 

Pilar nodded before wiping at her tears again with her shirt. “And you’re the best brother in the world, I’m so glad you’re back.” 

Victor gave her one last hug before walking wordlessly to his room. Everything seemed to be exactly as he had left it. He reached for the walkie-talkie he had kept next to his bed since he had first arrived in Atlanta.

“Felix? Are you there? Over.” He said.

“Victor, are you okay?” Came the immediate response. Victor could have cried.

“I’m fine. Over.”

“Oh thank God! Are you back at your mom’s apartment? Pilar told me what happened and if you don’t mind I’ll have a word with our dad… Over.” Victor smiled sadly, usually, he’d have laughed at Felix’s weird comments but he just didn’t have it in him.

“I’m back here, he sort of kicked me out, which is good because I didn’t want to leave to begin with.” He answered bitterly. “Over.”

“Dammit, I was rooting for him.” Felix muttered. “I can’t believe he did that! I’m just going to adopt you, we don’t need him, I’ll be your dad and-”

“Oh god, please don’t. You’re younger than me. Over.”

“Well, I _am_ way too young to take on this responsibility but I’ll do it, Victor, just say the words and I’m-”

“Can you come over?” Victor interrupted him.

“On my way. Over and out.”

Victor heard Felix knocking at their front door, then someone opening the door for him, and a few moments later, finally, there was a knock on his bedroom door.

“Come in.”

“Hey, man, how are you feeling?” Felix said, entering the room and closing the door behind him.

“I’m… tired.”

Felix sat down beside him, “Understandable, you just went through something traumatic.”

“I don’t know what’s supposed to happen next.” Victor said, rubbing his eyes.

“Well, Simon told you it might be a good idea to go to therapy, right? Maybe you could try that?”

Victor frowned. “My mom said so too, but I’m not entirely convinced that will work for me, I don’t like the idea of talking with someone I barely know.”

They stayed in silence for a couple of minutes, Felix deep in thought and Victor trying not to fall asleep.

“Come on, buddy, we’re going to my apartment, there’s something you need to see.” Felix said, pulling Victor from the bed and leading him out of his bedroom.

“We’ll be back soon, we’re just going to grab something from my place.” Felix said to Isabel when they walked past the living room, she was sitting there watching television.

Victor had never been to Felix’s apartment before, he had no idea why, Felix had always had some form of excuse in order to keep him out of it. They walked up the stairs to the apartment and Victor waited patiently while he opened the door.

Felix took a deep breath and motioned for Victor to enter.

“So, this is where I live… I’m sorry I didn’t invite you here sooner, but, as you can see…, It’s a lot.” 

Victor looked around, taking everything in. Piles of different randomly assorted stuff laid everywhere, leaving barely room to walk through the place.

“What happened here?”

“My mom happened. She’s been battling depression for a really long time, and at some point, she developed this… phobia of getting rid of stuff, so she keeps it, she keeps everything.”

“This must be… overwhelming.” Victor said in a soft voice.

“It is sometimes, but this is not for you to feel pity, I want you to see what can happen if you don’t treat whatever’s going on in your head. You’re going through some really intense experiences and even though therapy is not your only option, I think you should at least try it.” Felix looked around, with a sad expression on his face. “I don’t want this to be your future.”

Victor stared at Felix, not really knowing what to say, he decided to hug him instead.

Felix hugged him back.

“I’m going to get help. I promise. I will be stronger than this.” Victor whispered against Felix’s shoulder. Victor closed his eyes, trying not to cry. That promise was as much for Felix as it was for himself.

Victor yawned, he felt completely exhausted. “I think I should sleep soon, you can stay over if you want to.”

Felix shook his head. “Nah, that’s okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Actually, I’m seeing Benji tomorrow.” Victor said, feeling all the blood rushing to his face.

Felix raised his eyebrows. “Oh! Interesting, is it a date?”

“Um… Maybe? Not really. We’re just friends for now.”

Felix ignored him. “I don’t see you for a couple of days and you get a date? I think we should start making nightly facetimes so that I can keep up with your life.”

Victor chuckled. “I’ll call you tomorrow to tell you how it went.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Victor waved goodbye at him and walked back to his apartment, Isabel greeted him with a smile as soon as he entered but Victor could see how tired she looked, the smile not even reaching her eyes. He waved at her and went to his room.

> **Benji Campbell:** Are we still on for tomorrow? (:

Victor’s heart skipped a beat, he stared at the text as he sat down on his bed and started typing an answer.

> _Yes! Of course, I can’t wait to see you!_

Victor looked at the text and frowned, he needed to calm down, he erased what he had written and tried again.

> **Victor Salazar:** Sure, what time? :)
> 
> **Benji Campbell:** Noon?
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** Sounds good! 

The ellipses indicating Benji was writing a new message appeared and disappeared several times, Victor stared at them nervously. He jumped when his phone buzzed with a new message.

> **Benji Campbell:** Can’t wait to see you <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *te voy a preguntar una vez más: I'll ask you one more time  
> *¡qué falta de respeto!: what a lack of respect!  
> *esque no es posible!: It's just not possible!  
> *todo va a estar bien: everything will be okay
> 
> Also, the "Find My iPhone" situation may or may not be inspired by a real life incident I had, so if you're thinking "that wouldn't happen", oh boy, it would and it has, I promise haha
> 
> Thank you again for reading and leaving comments, you're all the best!!!! <3


	15. Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Benji "hang out" *wink*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving!!! I don't really celebrate it but I hope everyone that does has a wonderful day and enjoys a nice meal. I am very thankful for all of you reading and enjoying this story.

Victor looked at himself in the mirror for the 20th time, he ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to get it under control before sighing and deciding he was only making it worse. He’d need to get a haircut soon, his curls were starting to go everywhere.

He looked at his outfit, a plain dark blue t-shirt, a pair of jeans, a burgundy jean jacket, and white sneakers. He looked okay but he wanted to look more than okay. Even though Victor knew it wasn’t technically a date, he still wanted to impress Benji.

“Vic? Can I come in?” Pilar said after knocking on Victor’s door.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

Pilar looked at him with a smile on her face. “Where are you going?”

“I, um, I’m going out with Benji.” He said quickly, looking away to try and hide his blush.

Pilar’s smile widened. “On a date?”

Victor shrugged. “Maybe? I don’t know, we’re taking things slow… How do I look? Be honest.”

“Like a moron.” She answered not missing a beat.

“Ha ha, very funny.” 

Pilar chuckled. “You look fine, you seem… happy.”

“I am happy right now.”

Pilar reached out and gave him a hug. “I’m glad, you deserve to be happy. I was worried you weren’t going to smile like that again.”

Victor hugged her back, they stayed like that for a couple of seconds before Pilar awkwardly stepped back. “If you tell anyone about this, I’ll deny it.”

Victor laughed and Pilar sat on his bed. They stayed in comfortable silence for a while, both just thinking about everything that had happened in the last few days, the spring dance felt like a lifetime away.

“Are you excited to go back to school?” Victor asked Pilar, the spring break was almost over.

Pilar huffed. “No, I hate everyone at that school.”

“You know you deserve to be happy, too, right? I hope you find your people, soon.”

“Me too, I’m tired of only hanging out with you and Adrian.” Pilar crossed her arms.

“Hey, you’ve also hung out with Felix!”

“Oh my god,” She groaned. “as if that’s any less embarrassing.”

Victor looked at his phone and panicked, he was running out of time and he needed to get going. They had agreed to meet at Brasstown at noon and being late to their first unofficial date wouldn’t look good.

“I have to leave now or I’ll be late, are you sure I look okay?” He asked one last time.

“Yes! Go.” She answered, rolling her eyes at him.

He hurried out of his room and saw his mom sitting by the piano. She was softly playing a tune he didn’t recognize.

“Hey, mom? I’m going out with… a friend…” Victor said, trying his best not to blush or smile but losing the battle.

“Oh? Do I know this friend?” Isabel said with a knowing smile.

“Uh… Yes, actually, he came to my birthday.”

Isabel frowned trying to remember. “I was so distracted by your grandma, I don’t know if I’ll remember him. Let’s see, there was Felix, and the guys from the band and- Oh! M’ijo… I don’t mind you being gay but being with two guys might be-”

“Oh my god, mom, no!” Victor exclaimed horrified. “They broke up, I’m going out with Benji. Just Benji.”

“Oh, sorry! That’s good. He seemed like a nice guy…”

Victor couldn’t contain his grin. “Yeah, he is.”

“Well, I’m glad to see someone has you blushing and smiling like a dork.”

Victor walked up to her and gave her a hug. “Thank you, mami. I love you.” He had never meant the words more than at that moment.

“I love you, too. Just make sure to answer me if I call you and be careful, okay? Que Dios te bendiga.”

Victor reassured her he wouldn’t miss her calls and left the apartment with just enough time to make it to Brasstown before noon.

Benji was already waiting for him outside of Brasstown when Victor arrived. He was leaning on a wall, holding a pair of cups in his hands, he seemed to be deep in thought. Victor checked the time but he wasn’t late, in fact, he had arrived five minutes early. Benji hadn’t noticed him so he took a moment to just look at him, his hair was as perfect as always and he was wearing a loose blue henley paired with gray pants, the sun coming from behind him gave him an angelic kind of look. He took Victor’s breath away.

“Hey, B! Have you been waiting long?” Victor said, leaning on the wall beside him.

Benji jumped a little and laughed nervously. “Hi! No, no! Just a few minutes.” He answered quickly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Benji chuckled and shook his head. “It’s okay, how are you?”

“Good, I’m back at my mom’s apartment.”

Benji frowned. “Huh, what happened? He didn’t do anything to you, did he?”

“No, not really, he just decided I wasn’t worth dealing with, I guess.”

Benji’s frown deepened. “Victor, I’m sorry, that sucks. I hope he comes around eventually. You are  _ so _ worth it, don’t let him convince you otherwise.”

Victor gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Thanks… What about you? How’s your spring break?”

“It’s been… okay, I guess, I’ve been dealing with some stuff, but we’re holding auditions for our new bass player on Sunday so…”

“That’s exciting!” Victor exclaimed.

“That’s exciting.” Benji said at the same time. They both laughed.

“Uh… here, I- I got you a drink, extra whipped cream as you like it.” Benji pushed one of the cups towards Victor.

Victor grabbed the cup with his good arm and tried to control the smile on his face to no avail. “Thanks.”  He took a sip and sighed dreamily. “This is so good, but you didn’t have to.”

Benji stared at him and laughed, Victor had whipped cream all over his face. “Sorry, you have some…” Benji said, trying to get his laughter under control.

“Huh?” Victor didn’t have a napkin so he tried to clean himself up with his hand, failing miserably and making everything worse. Benji kept laughing.

“Here, let me.” Benji had a napkin around his cup, he grabbed it and turned himself towards Victor, he started getting the whipped cream off Victor's face. Victor felt himself blushing, having Benji so close to him was… intoxicating. Benji bit his lip and leaned back on the wall. “Sorry, maybe we should talk more about this.” He said motioning toward them both.

Victor nodded, he quickly composed himself. “Y-yeah, we should. Um, this is a little awkward.”

“It is.” Benji chuckled. “Look, we’re just two friends hanging out. It doesn’t have to be more than that until you’re comfortable.”

“Thank you,” Victor smiled shyly at him. “Um, can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Feel free not to answer, I’m just curious and I want to know where we stand… but, um, how do you feel about your break up with Derek?”

“Oh! Um…” Benji frowned and stayed silent for a couple of seconds, trying to find the right words for what he wanted to say. “I’m not sad about it, I think I’m mostly angry at this point, he’s been calling and texting me, he tried to kick me out of the band, he started spreading lies about me… I just thought he would be better than this, I’m mostly upset because he’s doing all of these things trying to hurt me. He keeps going from angry and mean to sad and begging for me to call him back, I don’t get it. I think he just thinks I’ll change my mind and go back to him.” 

Victor felt a weird sense of panic come over him. “Will you?” 

“No… I’m not gonna lie, it’s been tough," Benji fidgeted under Victor’s stare, he brushed a stray piece of his hair away from his forehead. "I was used to talking with him all the time and telling him everything, it’s been hard to break the habit, but I think that’s all the relationship was at this point. A bad habit.” Benji looked back at Victor. “Going back to him would be easy, but he made me feel so bad all the time… I just don’t think it’s worth it anymore.”

Victor turned his body towards Benji, “You deserve better than that, Benji.”

Benji looked down with a bashful smile on his face. “Thank you.”

“Hey, look at me, I’m serious.” Victor waited for Benji to look up at him. “You’re thoughtful and sweet, and... patient. My point is, you’re the best, and you deserve someone that’ll treat you like that.”

“You’re making this whole ‘staying just friends’ thing very hard.” Benji smirked. 

Victor hid his smile by taking a sip of his coffee. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

“Lead the way.”

They walked aimlessly for almost an hour, just laughing and talking about everything and nothing at all, Victor couldn’t help but marvel at how right it felt, how easy it was for him to be with Benji, how natural it was for them to gravitate towards each other. They moved together, like a carefully constructed mechanism, Victor didn’t have to try with Benji, everything just came as naturally as breathing.

“Hey, um, I was wondering if you would like to come to the auditions on Sunday? For our new bassist?” Benji asked, nervously scratching the back of his neck. 

Victor frowned.

“I just thought… Since your friend Nora will audition… It’s okay if you don’t want to, I was just-”

“No, no!” Victor answered quickly. “I _do_ want to go, it’s just… You know about Nora’s brother? Simon?” Benji nodded slowly, not quite following where Victor was going. “He’s in town right now with his roommates and I promised I would go to see them off at the bus stop. If the timing doesn’t conflict, I’ll go to the auditions for sure. I’d love to.”

“How do you know Simon? He graduated years ago, did Nora introduce you to him? I didn’t realize you and her were so close.”

“Um, I’m actually closer to Simon, I met Nora through him. We’ve been talking back and forth on Instagram ever since I came to Atlanta.”

“Oh? Should I be jealous?” Benji asked, looking away nervously. Victor thought he looked adorable.

“No, not at all, he’s very happy with his boyfriend.” Victor answered pointedly, and then he added. “He’s also sort of my mentor and way older than us so… That’d be weird.”

A nervous laugh burst out of Benji’s throat. “Sorry, that was not cool.”

“It’s okay… Hey, if they leave before or after the auditions you could come and meet them? It might be weird but… I don’t know, it was just an idea. I’d like you guys to meet eventually.”

“Sure, I’d like that. I’ve actually heard his story a thousand times, pretty epic, huh?”

Victor felt weirdly proud. “Yeah, it is an epic love story.”

* * *

Victor arrived home a couple of hours later, feeling happier and lighter than he had felt in a long time. Spending the day with Benji had been like a breath of fresh air, and he had spent many days feeling like he was holding his breath.

Isabel was sitting at the dinner table when Victor walked into their apartment, she had several papers spread in front of her, she was rubbing her temples and had her reading glasses on.

“Hey, I’m back.” Victor said to Isabel before hugging her tightly.

“Hi, mi amor, how was your date?”

“It was not a date, mom!” Victor answered far too quickly, blushing furiously.

“Oh, okay. Tell that to your face, then.” She mocked him.

Victor shook his head and laughed. “It was great, we had fun.”

“That’s good, mi niño, you deserve to be happy.” Isabel tapped the seat beside her, motioning for Victor to sit down. “And talking about your happiness, I told you I was going to get you help, remember? I’ve been doing a ton of research and I think I’ve found a great therapist for you, I’m making you an appointment for next week and you can try it out. If you end up hating it we can find someone else, or try something else. Is that okay?”

Victor propped his head on his good arm, he thought about it for a few moments. He was scared about going to therapy, but thinking about his loved ones, his friends, Benji, he knew he wanted to be better for them, and most importantly, he wanted to be better for himself. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try it out. Thank you, mami.”

“I’ll let you know as soon as I have an appointment. I love you, Victor, you’re the strongest, bravest person I know and I’m so proud and so lucky to be your mom.”

“I love you, too, mami.” Victor smiled at her, he could see she actually meant it and he allowed himself to believe it. He was strong, he was brave and he would get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love to see happy(ish) Venji!!! I hope that was enjoyable and made you smile! <3


	16. Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon, Bram and the gang go back to NY.  
> The Sticky Beaks hold auditions for their new bassist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been one of my favorite chapters to write, I hope everyone likes it just as much!

“Are you sure this is okay?” 

“Yes! I already told you, I asked Simon and he was thrilled to meet you, even if it's just for a few minutes.” Victor reassured a very nervous looking Benji.

“I don’t know…”

“Here they come! Relax, you’re gonna be fine,” Victor said, whispering the last part.

“Hi Victor!” Simon said excitedly, giving Victor a big hug. He then turned towards Benji. “And this must be Benji! It’s so nice to meet you, we’ve heard so much about you.”

Benji smiled at him and shook both his and Bram’s hand. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you, too. You're sort of a Creekwood legend.”

Bram squaled before hugging both Victor and Benji at the same time. He took a step back and turned towards Victor. “I’m going to miss you so much! Promise you’ll keep in touch.”

“I promise.” Victor told him, fully meaning it. "I'll miss you guys, too."

“Benji, I expect you to take care of our baby, can we get your number in case _this one_ " He glared at Victor. "ghosts us again?”

Benji laughed. “Uh… Yeah, sure, Victor can send it to you.”

Justin and Ivy followed suit, introducing themselves to Benji and saying their goodbyes to Victor.

Kim was the last one to say their goodbyes. They hugged Victor tightly, squeezing and lifting him off the ground. “Take care of yourself, I love you, if you ever need anything you know how to reach me okay?”

Victor laughed and hugged them back. “Thank you, Kim… For everything.”

“You don’t need to thank me, just stay safe. Promise?”

Victor nodded. “I’m making so many promises today, I’m going to lose track.”

He looked over to Benji, who was engrossed in a conversation with Ivy, Kim followed his gaze. “He’s cute.”

“The cutest.” Victor answered without missing a beat, a huge smile on his face.

“It’s nice to see you this happy, next time I see you I want you to look like this, okay?”

“Okay… I’m going to miss you all so much.” Victor said, feeling overwhelmed.

“You’ll be fine, we’ll skype frequently, I want updates every week about this boy of yours.”

Simon joined them at that moment, putting his arm around Kim’s shoulders. “They’re right, it’ll be like we never left.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

A monotone voice came through a speaker and announced that Simon’s bus would be leaving soon. Everyone grabbed their bags and suitcases and started walking away from Victor, he felt sad but he was confident he’d see them all again at some point.

“Bye, Victor! We love you!” Bram said before walking away, leaving Victor with a bittersweet feeling.

“I love you, too.” He whispered back. Victor watched them go until they disappeared into the crowd. Benji stared at him curiously before walking towards him, he was hesitant at first, but he ended up putting his arm around his shoulders, trying to comfort him.

“Are you okay?” 

Victor cleared his throat. “Yeah, I am.” He said truthfully, letting himself lean into his friend. “We should leave, we don’t wanna be late for the auditions, I’m dying to see Nora play.”

“Yeah, let’s go.” 

The auditions for The Sticky Beaks new bassist were being held at Creekwood High, Benji and his bandmate had managed to convince Ms. Albright to allow them to use the music room since it had great acoustics and no one else would be at the school on the last day of Spring Break.

Benji had put some desks together forming a lineup for them to watch the candidates, which were 4 people in total. Sabrina, Benji’s bandmate and the drummer of The Sticky Beaks arrived shortly after.

She was wearing combat boots, black cargo pants and a bright orange cropped tank top that contrasted with her dark brown skin, her hair was neatly styled into tight, heavy braids that cascaded down her back. She looked badass.

“Brina, this is Victor. Victor, this is Sabrina, our drummer.” 

“Hey, what’s up?" She waved. "I finally meet you, Benji here cannot shut up about you. It’s kind of annoying.” She rolled her eyes and pushed one of her braids back.

“I'm... sorry?” Victor shrugged shyly.

“Not your fault, let’s hope our new bassist will help me shut him up so that we can actually rehearse.”

Benji huffed. “You’re a dick.”

She winked at him and sat down on one of the desks.

Benji handed out some blank pages from a notebook so that they could all take notes and truly judge the people auditioning. Victor tried his best not to laugh but he felt like he was at America’s Got Talent, except there were no buzzers and he had absolutely zero qualifications to be judging, but Benji had insisted and how could he say no?

“Hey, ‘Brina? Do you know when Jamie will arrive?”

Sabrina shook his head and played with the tip of her hair absentmindedly. “No idea.”

“Jamie’s our keyboardist,” Benji explained to Victor. “He’s usually punctual so I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Oh, I know what’s going on. He’s pissed that we kicked that asshole out of the band so he’s being petty. Derek wasn’t even that good of a bassist.”

Victor tried not to laugh but failed, Benji did a better job at concealing his smile. 

“Well, we’ll have to start without him, I don’t want to make them wait.”

“Yeah, whatever, I’ll film the auditions so we can show him,” Sabrina said, taking her phone out.

“Good idea. I’ll go get the first person.”

Benji left the room and came back a few seconds later with Wendy, Felix’s prom date. Victor had no idea she could play bass.

Benji positioned her right in front of the desks and then sat down beside Victor.

“Hey everyone, my name is Wendy, and I’ll be performing an original song.”

“Great, whenever you’re ready, Wendy,” Benji said, smiling encouragingly at her.

Wendy closed her eyes and adjusted her bass. She took a deep breath and started playing.

Victor tried to school his features but it was proving to be hard, Wendy was playing something that could only be described as a dissonant mess of noises. Victor looked over at Benji, who had a completely blank stare on his face, and Sabrina, who had her eyebrows raised and her mouth hanging slightly open. It was quite the scene.

Wendy finally played the last notes to her unholy melody after what felt like an eternity, she smiled at them and bowed dramatically.

“Wow... Wendy... that was-” Sabrina started before Benji cut her off.

“Interesting! That was very interesting, thank you, Wendy, we’ll be in touch.” 

She nodded eagerly before darting out of the room.

Sabrina groaned and hid her head in her arms.

“I’m sure the others will be better.” Benji said with a conflicted look in his eyes.

Victor nodded. “Yeah, I don’t think anyone else could ever compose something like that, it was… quite unique. She could definitely bring some creativeness to the band.”

“Victor, shut up.” Sabrina said, her voice muffled by her arms.

He pursed his lips and nodded.

Benji chuckled. “I’ll go get the next person.”

Up next was a guy in his 20s, he introduced himself as Alex and proceeded to play a cover of Queen’s ‘Another One Bites The Dust’. Victor could tell that both Benji and Sabrina were impressed.

“That was amazing, Alex!” Benji exclaimed as soon as he was done.

“Thank you, guys, there’s something about a classic that just gives me such a rush. Good music is dead. I’d never cover one of those top 40s songs, like, remember that atrocity... how does it go... mmm...  _ so call me maybe _ ?” He said, singing mockingly.

The three of them stared at him in shock. 

Benji was the first to recover. “Right… Um, well, we’ll be in touch, thank you so much for coming.”

“Sure, no problem. Can’t wait to play with y’all soon.”

As soon as he left the room, Sabrina looked pointedly at Benji. “I’m so angry right now. He’s so good, but I barely tolerated Derek’s ‘Im better than everybody else’ vibe. I don’t think I’ll get through an entire rehearsal without murdering Alex. Which is unfortunate but might be worth the risk.”

Benji massaged his temples. “I don’t know, ‘Brina, he just basically told us he hates our music. Granted, he probably has never seen us play before but still.”

“I don’t think he’s the one.” Victor said, trying to participate. “His rhythm was off...?” He tried to say confidently but it ended up sounding like a question.

Benji gave him a soft smile that made Victor’s insides melt. “It was not, but good try, I appreciate the effort.”

Sabrina laughed. “Alright, I’ll go get the next one.”

Nora was the next and second to last person auditioning, Victor waved at her and she smiled brightly at him.

“Hi! I’m Nora Spier and I’ll be playing ‘I Want You Back’ by the Jackson 5.”

Victor put his hands around his mouth and cheered. Nora giggled and positioned her hands on her bass, she bit her lip in concentration and started playing the familiar melody.

Nora danced and moved as she played, her upbeat personality coming through and taking over, her playing wasn’t perfect but she was good at covering it up and recovering from mistakes.

Sabrina nodded along with the song and even started dancing towards the chorus, Benji sang under his breath, happily. Victor smiled and cheered all throughout it. Everyone stood up and clapped as soon as the song ended.

“Thank you, guys! That was fun!” Nora bounced excitedly in her place.

“Yes! Your energy was everything and that was a great song choice.” Sabrina approved.

“I agree with ‘Brina, that was great, Nora! Thank you so much for auditioning, we’ll be in touch.” Benji said.

Victor was relieved to see that everyone had liked her performance, he would’ve felt bad if he had convinced Nora to audition only to have it be a flop.

“Thanks, I’ll see you guys around. Bye, Vic!” She said before exiting the room.

“I like her.” Sabrina mused. “Her performance wasn’t perfect but I think with a little more practice she could be.”

“Yeah, she’s definitely at the top of my list so far, as good as Alex was,” Benji said, checking his notes. “I can’t get over the fact that he hates ‘all new music’.”

“Agreed, I’m not going to be stuck only playing songs that came out before I was even born.”

“Well, we have one last person auditioning,” Benji said.

“Nora was the only person out there when I went to get her, hopefully, they’ve arrived by now, but I’m taking down points for punctuality.” Sabrina frowned. “I’ll go check.”

Sabrina got up and left the room, leaving Victor and Benji alone.

“I’m so glad you convinced Nora to come audition, this whole thing might have been a fail, otherwise.”

Victor laughed. “Hey, Alex wasn’t bad!”

“He hates ‘Call Me Maybe’! I can’t in good conscience choose him. That’d make me a-”

Sabrina burst in through the door. “Guys, we have a problem.”

“Let me in! I have a right to audition, too!” A very familiar voice shouted behind her. Derek.

All the blood left Benji’s face. “What is he doing here?”

Sabrina stayed firm in between Derek and the music room but he kept trying to get in.

“Come on, let me in! I just want to talk with Benji.” Derek pleaded, Victor felt just a little bit bad for him. "He's been avoiding me and I need him to hear me out!"

“He’s been avoiding you because you are behaving like an asshole and you almost got him fired.” Sabrina countered, Victor gave Benji a confused look.

Benji stood up, Victor could see he was shaking a little. “Derek, I’m getting so tired of this, just stop it. Stop coming to my house, stop calling me, just leave me alone. They suspended me for a week at work after you showed up, I’m not going to let you wreck my life any longer.”

Victor frowned, this was all new information for him, he had no idea things had been that bad with Derek, and he definitely didn’t know Benji had been suspended from Brasstown, he thought he was just taking the spring break off.

“Benji, I just want to make things right with you! Give me one more chance.” Derek pleaded, finally managing to enter the room. His eyes immediately fixed on Victor. “What is he doing here?”

Sabrina groaned and crossed her arms. “Would you believe me if I said he’s with me?”

“No.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Sorry, B, you’re on your own.”

“I invited him, I’m no longer dating you and I can do whatever I want.” Benji crossed his arms defensively. “He’s my friend and I can spend as much time as I want with him, whether you like it or not.”

“I can’t believe you’re just moving on so quickly. I thought you were better than that and that our relationship meant more to you.”

Benji gave him an incredulous look. “Derek, just because I’m hanging out with Victor doesn’t mean we’re dating, and even if I was dating him, we’re no longer together. I can date whoever I want.”

“I just think it’s funny that now you’re hanging out with him, especially after he kissed you while we were still together. What am I supposed to think?” Derek said, raising his arms angrily. Victor wanted to interject, but he was taken aback by the fact that Derek knew he had kissed Benji back in Willacoochee.

“You’re supposed to leave me alone. Remember what you told me when we broke up? You said I was immature, look how you’re behaving now.” Benji rolled his eyes. “So, stop being childish and accept that this is over, I don’t want to be with you, Derek.”

This made Derek take a step back. “I was there for you when you needed me, Benji. Do you even remember? How can you be so ungrateful?”

“Derek… Not this again, you’re not going to manipulate me this time. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me but I don’t owe you anything. Now, please, in the name of all this love you supposedly have for me, go away.” Benji raised his voice.

“I think you’re going to regret this, Benji.” Derek tried one last time.

Benji stayed silent for a moment, Victor was scared that he had changed his mind and was going to go back to him. His worst fear was confirmed when Benji took a step towards Derek, and he felt his heart shattering into a million pieces.

“You also thought the earth was flat.” Benji deadpanned, bringing oxygen back to Victor’s lungs. “You know the way out, yeah?”

Derek huffed and turned around, his head held high. “When you get bored with this kid, don’t come running back to me.” He said before walking out of the room.

“He won’t, I’ll make sure of it. Good riddance, asshole!” Sabrina said to his back, giving him the middle finger.

Benji sat down beside Victor again, he put his head in between his elbows and groaned. Victor started rubbing circles on his back, soothingly. Sabrina closed the door to the classroom and sat back where she previously had been sitting.

“Well, I guess we’re done with the auditions, then.” She said. “Why don’t we sleep on it and talk about it tomorrow?”

Benji made an affirmative noise, she grabbed her stuff and said her goodbyes before leaving them alone.

“Are you okay?” Victor whispered, not wanting to disrupt the silence.

Benji shook his head almost imperceptibly.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Victor said, still in a low voice.

“I know.” Benji sighed. “You just had so much on your plate already…”

“Benji… I’m sorry I’ve been dumping all my problems on you without even realizing you were going through your own stuff. You can talk to me, always, I want to be able to support you and be there for you, just like you’ve been doing for me.” Victor said while he kept rubbing circles on Benji’s back.

“Thank you, Vic, I’m sorry for hiding all of this, it’s just… been a lot,” Benji said, looking up at him. “He showed up at the other Brasstown location and caused this whole scene, I was so embarrassed, and then I kind of got fired, but Sarah managed to convince them to allow me to work on our Brasstown, thank god, but I still got suspended for a week so…” Benji sighed again. “I’m just so tired of his bullshit.”

“I’m sorry, I wish I would’ve known.” Victor pushed a wild strand of Benji’s hair back in place. “Can I ask you something? Why did he call you ungrateful?”

Benji looked away, ashamed. “Um, do you remember the Wendy’s incident I told you about?” Victor nodded, of course, he remembered. “H-he was my rock through that whole thing and I sort of felt like I was in debt with him the entire relationship… and he never missed the chance to throw it in my face.”

“That’s really shitty, you don't deserve that.”

Benji let out a humorless chuckle. “Yeah, it is.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, both of them lost in thought. Victor was the first to stand up, he offered his hand to Benji.

“Come on, I’ll buy you lunch. Not Wendy’s though.” Victor was met with a shocked look on Benji’s face. “Was that too soon?”

Benji started laughing, going from soft to hysterical in record time, not being able to stop himself. Victor joined in, laughing almost as hard as Benji, both boys grabbing their stomachs and gasping for air. They didn’t mind though, it felt good to laugh after all the events from the last week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it! One comment = One f you to Derek the flat-earther!


	17. Hunger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Spring Break is over and Victor has to start dealing with the aftermath of the Spring Fling. Victor goes to his first therapy session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here's another installment of BYG; I'm sorry about the lack of updates, I was working on a cute Venji holiday cruise fic that I finally finished writing and posted the other day, here's a link if you're interested in reading it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27900064 it's very fluffy and just a good time.
> 
> Updates should be back to regular now, two chapters per week as usual! <3 Thank you for your patience!

Victor zipped up his backpack and put it on his shoulder with his good hand. 

It was going to be his first day back at school since the spring dance and he was determined to have a good one. Now that the week from hell was over, he could start afresh and have a much better one. He took a deep breath and muttered his new mantra. “Today’s going to be a good day.”

He left his room and walked to the kitchen where everyone was having breakfast, he grabbed an apple and poured himself some orange juice. 

“Good morning, Victor.” Isabel greeted him without looking up from her newspaper.

“Morning.” 

“Good luck today, remember you have an appointment so please come home right after school so that I can take you, okay?”

“Mmh-hmm, I’ll be here right on time.”

There was a loud and familiar knock on the door, Victor gulped down the rest of his orange juice and went to open the door, Felix was standing there as expected. 

“Hey, are you ready?” He asked.

Victor nodded, “Ye-”

“Hey, guys, I was wondering if I could walk with you to school today?” Pilar asked, looking uncharacteristically shy.

Felix smiled at her. “Of course.” Victor nodded, too.

Pilar smiled back at them and grabbed her backpack. “Bendición!” She exclaimed to Isabel before closing the door behind her.

“Que Dios los bendiga!” Isabel said, still not looking up from the newspaper in front of her.

Victor, Felix, and Pilar walked slowly to Creekwood High, they had time so they enjoyed the walk. Pilar walked in between the boys, she was talking animatedly which just made Felix and Victor exchange weirded out looks whenever she wasn’t paying attention.

“You seem to be in a good mood.” Felix finally dared to tell her. Pilar rolled her eyes.

“Well, yeah. My brother’s back home, I don’t have to see mom and dad fighting all the time, and I guess it’s time for me to finally accept that we’re here to stay.” She explained.

Victor smiled at her and put his arm around her. “I’m glad, but it’s going to take some time to get used to seeing you smiling again.”

Pilar smiled sarcastically at him and shrugged his arm off. “Don’t.”

“And there she is.”

Felix laughed and walked a few steps ahead before turning around and walking backwards. “I love our family.”

They arrived at Creekwood High ten minutes before the first bell rang. Felix said goodbye to the Salazar siblings and went off to his first period, Pilar did the same shortly after, leaving Victor on his own. He walked to his locker and started sorting through his stuff, he could hear a few people snickering behind him but he tried to ignore them and concentrate on the task at hand.

“You have 3 seconds to explain to me why I had to spend the entirety of last week watching rom-coms and eating ice-cream with Mia.” Lake appeared out of nowhere, Victor looked around expecting to see Mia but not finding her.

“Where is she?”

“Avoiding you, obviously. You broke her heart, and didn’t offer an explanation.” Lake huffed. “I will end you, Victor Salazar.”

“I’m sorry, Lake, I didn’t mean to hurt her. I want to talk with her and explain every-”

“No. Do not even dare come close to her.” Lake said wagging her finger threateningly at Victor. “This is an official restraining order. I don’t want to see you anywhere close to Mia, understood? You’ve done enough.”

Victor looked down, Lake was right. “Okay… For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry.”

“For what it’s worth, I really don’t care.”

Lake turned around and walked away, not looking back at Victor at any point, the clacking of her heels drilling a hole into Victor’s brain. He had done enough and Mia deserved the privacy she wanted, so he would give it to her, as much as he had wanted to come out to her and explain the whole situation. That’d have to wait.

He finished organizing his locker and headed to the locker rooms. Gym first period had truly been invented by the devil but at least he’d be spared because of his broken arm.

At lunchtime, Victor hurried to find Felix and ask him to have lunch outside of the school, the cafeteria was the perfect place for drama and he was trying to avoid that at all costs. People had been whispering and laughing at him all day, he just wanted a break.

Felix wasn’t at his locker like Victor had expected, so Victor went to search for him at the cafeteria. He spotted him quickly at their usual table, he was sitting beside Lake, with Mia and Andrew in front of him. Victor turned around quickly trying not to be spotted by them and ended up crashing with someone.

“Oof!” Victor turned in time to protect his broken arm, taking all the impact on his left side. The person he collided with grabbed him just in time to prevent his fall.

“Hey, careful.” Benji said, trying to regain his footing, too. “Oh! Hi, Vic, are you not having lunch today?” He frowned.

Victor looked back at his usual table to make sure they hadn’t seen him, he sighed in relief seeing that they were still engrossed in their conversation. He quickly retreated from the cafeteria, Benji gave him a quizzical look before following him back into the hallway.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m going to eat off-campus, I want to give Mia some space.” Victor explained, he looked around, nervous that anyone might spot him with Benji and get the wrong idea. As much as he liked Benji, he wasn’t ready to be out and proud with him, which is why he couldn’t date him, yet. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

Benji nodded. “Okay, where are we going?”

“Oh! You don’t have to come, it’s fine…” Victor said.

“Let’s go.” Benji said, walking towards the school entrance. Victor followed him a little reluctantly.

Since only seniors were allowed to go off campus during lunch, Benji and Victor tried to go unnoticed as they left Creekwood but the security guards didn’t look at them twice.

“So, where are we going?”

Victor shrugged. “I didn’t have a plan, to be honest. You know your way around here better.”

Benji smirked. “Well, aren’t you glad I decided to come along then?” 

Victor pushed him playfully. “Just lead the way.” 

Benji laughed and strayed away, Victor stared after him thinking he’d follow him to the end of the world if need be, he was grateful that Benji had still chosen to join him. As afraid as he was, everyone knew they worked together at Brasstown and they were friends. Friends go out for lunch together all the time, right?

After a moment, he hurried up to catch up with the other boy.

“So, where are we going?” Victor returned Benji’s earlier question.

“How do you feel about doughnuts?”

“I feel… A-glaze-ing.” Victor smiled at Benji, raising his eyebrows up and down.

Benji groaned before bursting out laughing. “That was terrible, Victor.”

“You laughed! It was a little bit funny.”

They walked the rest of the way to a Krispy Kreme™, Benji held the door open for Victor and then walked in behind him. A woman stared at them from behind the counter, there were rows and rows of different kinds of doughnuts. Benji crouched down to stare at them at eye level, childish wonder in his eyes.

“I never know what to choose, there are so many options.” Benji mused out loud. Victor stared at him, he looked so adorable and happy, he just wanted to kiss him. “What are you going to choose?” Benji looked up at him. Victor looked away and pointed to the first doughnut he saw.

“Um, that one!”

“I thought you hated raspberry?”

Victor looked at the doughnut he was pointing at and sure enough, it had a raspberry filling, when had Benji gotten to know him so well? Victor moved his hand an inch to the left.

“I meant that one.”

“Uh nice choice!” Benji approved. “I think I have to go with an apple fritter.”

“I don’t understand your thing for ugly looking food.” Victor teased.

“The uglier the tastier!” Benji exclaimed before getting back up. “Hi, can we get a Dulce de Leche one and an Apple Fritter?”

The woman gave them their stuff and they proceeded to pay. They left the store and started walking back to Creekwood since their lunch break would be over soon.

“So, have you decided on a bassist for The Sticky Beaks?” Victor asked before taking a bite of his doughnut.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, we decided to go with Nora. She was really good at the audition; we will have our first rehearsal today.” Benji said, before adding. “Thanks for getting her to audition, we owe you one.” 

Victor shook his head. “It was all her. I’m really glad you guys will be playing together, I can’t wait to go to your first gig.”

“I would love to see you there.” Benji said in between bites of his apple fritter. “You could come to our rehearsal this afternoon, they probably won’t mind.”

Victor knitted his brow in worry, he had almost forgotten about his therapy session but now the nerves returned in a new wave. “I can’t today, I have an appointment with a therapist, maybe next time?” 

“Oh! That’s… That’s good, right? I’m glad you’re getting help, don’t worry about the rehearsal, you can come some other day.” Benji smiled softly at him.

“Thank you, I’d really like that.”

* * *

Victor watched as his leg bounced up and down in a nervous rhythm, he could stop it but since he was sitting down in the therapist’s waiting room and he couldn’t really move around, it was the only way to get rid of the nervous energy he felt up and down his body.

Isabel kept sending him worried side-glances, Victor pretended not to notice but he could feel them every few minutes, more and more frequently as the minutes passed.

She put her hand on top of his knee in an attempt to calm him down, Victor nodded and crossed his ankles, trying to keep himself still.

“Victor Salazar?” A young woman asked from behind the front desk. “Dr. Joyce will see you now.”

“Go, m’ijo, I’ll be right here the whole time, okay?” Isabel reassured him.

Victor nodded, unable to say anything else, his throat felt completely dry. He got up and forced himself to follow the young woman through a poorly lit hallway, until she abruptly stopped in front of a door that read ‘Dr. Rachel Joyce’. The woman knocked on the door before opening it slowly.

“Doctor? This is Victor Salazar.” She said, motioning for him to walk in.

“Hello, Victor, it’s really nice to meet you! Take a seat.” A woman in her forties greeted him with a kind smile. She sorted through several papers in front of her before looking back up at Victor and propping her head on her hands. “So, what brings you here today?”

Victor looked around the office, not knowing where to start, so many things had led him to that office and, somehow, his mind was blanking. He wasn’t sure what was relevant and what wasn’t, he wasn’t sure if he should mention stuff from his childhood or if he should just focus on the last couple of weeks. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“I- I guess things have been pretty bad for the last few months and I’ve been very overwhelmed by everything, especially in the last couple of weeks.”

“What do you mean by everything?” 

“Um… There have just been a lot of things happening.” Victor said; he was hesitant to say anything else, he was scared of coming out to Dr. Joyce but he knew he would have to do it. He looked around the office again, there were several degrees hanging on the wall, a large bookshelf full of books was right behind Dr. Joyce and there was a nice big couch against one of the walls.

“Like what?” She prompted.

Victor inhaled sharply and exhaled puffing air out of his mouth. “Um… we moved here from Texas back in January, our whole lives changed and I… I thought this would be a chance to truly be able to be myself, to tell everyone I’m gay.” Victor said, making eye contact with Dr. Joyce and expecting some form of reaction but she kept looking at him as if they were just talking about the weather. He exhaled, he had been worrying about the therapist being homophobic the entire day but she seemed unfazed.

“I ended up meeting this amazing girl, Mia, and I thought I might like her so I started dating her thinking that, if there was even the smallest possibility for me to have a normal life, I wanted that.” Victor continued. “But I ended up just hurting her, it feels like I just hurt people all the time.”

“You feel guilty.” Dr. Joyce stated.

“Yes, I guess I feel a lot of guilt, I feel guilty about what I did to Mia, I feel guilty about being gay, I feel guilty about my parents' separation.” Victor looked down at his hands, he started playing with his fingers nervously. “I… I’m scared of how guilty I feel.”

Dr. Joyce nodded, she scribbled down some notes on a small notebook. “Why?”

“I’ve had very dark thoughts… Just about, like, wanting everything to stop.” Victor frowned. “I feel trapped in this guilt and sometimes… ending everything seems like the only option.” Victor shrugs. “I don’t know, I don’t think I want to die. That’s why I’m here. I want to stop feeling so… hopeless.”

“Okay, then we have a common goal, we’re going to work on getting rid of these thoughts that brought you here.” Dr. Joyce said confidently, jotting down something on her notes. “Tell me more about your parents' separation.”

The rest of the appointment went by in a similar fashion, Dr. Joyce would nod, or hum, whenever it was necessary, sometimes asking a question if something was unclear, but for the most part Victor just talked, he talked for what felt like hours, feeling completely drained by the end of it.

Victor was confused, talking about his issues hadn’t made him feel better, if anything it had just exhausted him. He bit his lip nervously, bracing himself to ask the question that had been bothering him for weeks.

“Do you…” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “Do you think I’ll be able to get better?”

“This is not hopeless, Victor.” Dr. Joyce fixed her glasses. “Most of your progress will happen on your own and I’ll give you an action plan that you’ll have to work on in between sessions. I can help you fight this if you accept my help.”

“I do,” Victor said immediately. “I’ll do anything.”

Dr. Joyce smiled at him kindly. “Alright, for our next session I’d like you to write about this guilt you’re feeling, I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed so let’s focus on Mia this time around, yes? Apologize to her, reflect on the  _ good _ things you did while being with her and if you start feeling guilty again, remember you just made a mistake and it’s human to err.”

Victor bit his lip and nodded slowly.

“You’re not a bad person, Victor.” Dr. Joyce said firmly. “You can  _ and _ you should forgive yourself, it won’t be easy but I want you to think about it, alright?”

“Okay, I will,” Victor said, trying to believe her.

Victor thanked her and walked towards the waiting room where Isabel was waiting for him. His first therapy session had not made him feel particularly better or different but it did give him hope and that’s more than he had had lately.


	18. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor attempts to fix things with Mia.  
> And he's ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, just wanted to quickly point out that I changed my username from temporarylove to callmevenji, in case anyone was confused. Okay, that's it. Enjoy!

_ Mia, _

_ First things first, I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am for hurting you, you didn’t deserve what I did to you and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make up for it. _

_ I can tell you our relationship was never a joke to me, it was real and I loved you so much, I wish I could’ve given you the relationship you deserve, you’re a wonderful person and I’m sorry you got caught up in this mess. _

_ If you ever decide to give our friendship another chance, I promise I’ll try to make it up to you, you are my favorite person and I’d hate to lose you over a stupid mistake. _

_ I’d love to give you an explanation of everything that happened but I think the least you deserve is for me to tell you in person the whole unfiltered truth. I’ll continue to stay away from you and that way you can decide when or if we can talk about this, I really hope you choose to hear me out. _

_ Again, I’m really really sorry, if you don’t ever want to talk to me again, I’ll understand, that’s completely valid and I’ll respect your decision. Still, I hope to hear from you soon. _

_ -Love, Victor _

Victor re-read his letter to Mia for what was possibly the hundredth time, it had been two weeks since he had written it, and he was slowly working up the courage to give it to her. Dr. Joyce had said that wasn’t necessary but he still felt like he needed to give it to Mia to fully forgive himself for hurting her. He needed to feel like he had done everything in his power to fix the situation.

Victor had made two copies of it, one lived in his wallet, folded and unfolded so many times it was starting to rip, and the other one was for Mia to possibly throw in her trash can.

Victor sighed and folded the paper back onto his wallet. 

He heard a knock on his front door, Pilar opened the door to find Felix picking them up to walk to school together. 

“Victor, Felix is here, let’s go!”

“Coming!” He shouted before sighing and grabbing his backpack. He grabbed Mia’s letter at the last minute, wondering if that day would finally be the day he’d give it to her.

* * *

At lunchtime, Victor walked towards the cafeteria, not sure what he’d do that day, Benji had been eating off-campus with him most days but he knew that day, in particular, he’d be studying at the library so he had the option to go hide in there with him.

“Hi, Vic.” Nora greeted him, linking her arm with his. 

“Hey, Nora.” 

“You wanna have lunch with me today? My friends are all going off-campus and I just don’t feel like it.” She explains.

“Oh, yeah, sure. That’d be nice.” 

“Yay!” She jumps a little. “Come on, then.”

Victor hadn’t eaten lunch at the cafeteria since before the Spring Break so he followed Nora a little hesitantly, not thrilled about the prospect of dealing with people gossiping about his breakup with Mia, and especially not wanting to disturb Mia herself.

Nora noticed this, she and Victor had gotten quite close in the last couple of weeks so she knew what he was going through. “Would you mind eating in the music room? I think it’d be nice to have a quiet lunch break.”

Victor exhaled, relief pouring out of him. “Yes! That’d be great.”

The music room was completely empty when they got there, a few instruments were scattered throughout the classroom. Victor and Nora sat down in a corner and quietly got out their lunch. Victor had learned to pack something to eat because eating out every day was just not plausible, especially since he hadn’t been able to go back to his job at Brasstown with his arm broken.

“So, have you talked with Mia?” Nora asked before taking a bite out of her sandwich.

“No, I still haven’t given her the letter I wrote, I just don’t want to make her uncomfortable, and Lake made it pretty clear that I should stay away from her, so...” 

Nora knitted her brow. “Are you sure that’s what Mia wants?”

“I… don’t know? I kind of assumed she had sent Lake to talk to me.” Victor said in between bites of his apple.

“Lake has this tendency to get in everyone’s business, if you want to talk to Mia then you should try and see how she reacts,” Nora said rolling her eyes.

“I was thinking about giving her the letter today, maybe just sneak it into her locker so that she doesn’t have to deal with me if she really doesn’t want to.” 

“Well, what are you waiting for?”

“A sign? I don’t know, giving her the letter will allow her to actually tell me to go fuck myself and I’m scared of that. She was my best friend and I really don’t want to lose her.” Victor said. “Giving her this letter will potentially kill the last bit of hope I have of actually getting her back as my friend.”

“Well, yeah, but not talking with her will definitely kill whatever chance there is of you guys becoming friends.” 

Victor groaned, he knew she was right.

“At the end of the day, it’s your choice, but I think you should give it to her soon, that way she’ll know where you stand and will know you’re willing to talk things out, you know?”

Victor nodded. “Yeah. I won’t make any promises but I might do it today.” He took another bite out of his apple. “Anyway, how are the rehearsals going?”

“Oh, great! They’re so talented, Benji has been teaching me all their covers and I’m starting to get the hang of it. Sabrina’s the best, she’s just so passionate about the band, she scares me a little but I really respect her.” Nora pursed her lips. “The only thing is that I think Jamie hates me.”

“Huh. I haven’t met him but Benji has told me he’s pretty good friends with Derek so I think he’s probably just pissed that you replaced him.”

“Yeah, maybe, but it still sucks.” Nora pouted. “So… you and Benji? Has anything happened?”

Victor felt his cheeks lighting up. “N-no. We’re just friends…”

“That’s funny, I don’t talk about my friends the way you guys talk about each other.” She said with a smirk. Victor couldn’t help but smile knowing that Benji talked about him.

“Fine. I like him and I’m pretty sure he likes me. But I just don’t think we should date, yet.”

“Why?”

“Well, I’m not officially out and I don’t want to hide him, he doesn’t deserve that. And the whole thing with Derek is still pretty fresh for him.” He explained.

“Okay, first of all, Derek is a thing of the past, Benji never mentions him and I’m pretty sure he’s completely over him, so I don’t think you should worry about that.” Nora took a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Can I ask you why you haven’t come out?”

Victor thought about her question, he had discussed this with Dr. Joyce and he had come to a conclusion. “I will do it, I just want to tell Mia first, I don’t think she should find out from some douchebags gossiping about it. I want to be the one to tell her, it’s the least I can do. I don’t really care about anyone else finding out, I might not even come out officially, I’ll just do my thing and if anyone figures it out then that’s okay.”

Nora nodded, deep in thought. “It’s really nice that you get to decide this. I wish Simon had had that option. I’ll support you no matter what you choose to do, and I’ll protect this secret for as long as you need.”

“Thank you, Nora,” Victor said, realizing how lucky he was. Andrew hadn’t told anyone his secret, and the other few people that knew had also kept it to themselves. The whens and hows of coming out had been his decision to make, and it warmed his heart to know that even Andrew had been capable of keeping the secret to himself.

“Would you come with me?” Victor asked after a few moments of silence. 

“Where?”

“To Mia’s locker, I’m going to do it. Right now, before I chicken out.” Victor stood up, Nora followed suit.

“Okay, you have the letter with you?” Nora asked; Victor nodded. “Alright, let’s go.”

The distant sound of a clock ticking followed them through the hallways of Creekwood High, matching Victor’s nervous heartbeat. He delivered the letter at Mia’s locker as quickly as possible not wanting to be spotted, with Nora right at his side.

“And now we wait,” Victor muttered.

It wasn’t until the last class of the day that Victor received a text from Mia, he looked at his phone under the desk and felt a wave of relief and panic flow through him.

**Mia Brooks:** Meet me at the bleachers after school.

**Victor Salazar:** I’ll be there.

**Victor Salazar:** Thank you, Mia.

She didn’t answer his texts, but she was still giving him a chance so he considered it a win.

After the bell signaling the end of the school day rang, Victor leaped out of his seat and sprinted all the way to the bleachers where Mia would be waiting for him. She wasn’t there when he arrived so he sat down and waited patiently for her.

Victor was nervous about coming out to her. He trusted her, he knew that she’d not out him to the entire school or anything like that. What truly frightened him was the possibility of her kicking him out of her life forever.

He saw her walking up to him, he waved at her nervously and sent her a smile that she didn’t return.

“Hi, Mia. Thanks for coming,” He said quietly.

“You said you wanted to explain things,” She muttered back. “I’m listening.”

Victor bit his lower lip and nodded. It was time. He was ready for this. 

“When I first came to Creekwood… I was questioning a lot of things about myself.” He began. “I thought moving to this big city would mean that I’d be able to be myself, but when I met you… It made me even more confused because I really liked you. I love spending time with you, you  _ are  _ my favorite person, Mia.”

“Then why did you break up with me? I don’t understand.” She sniffled.

Victor took a deep breath, feeling the oxygen enter his lungs and providing him with a calm sensation. He breathed rhythmically, following the instructions Dr. Joyce had given him. In through the nose, out through the mouth.  _ One… Two… Three…  _

“I never meant to hurt you, Mia. I swear. That was the last thing I wanted to do, please believe me.” He exhaled. And inhaled. And exhaled, again. “For a while, I really thought it would work.”

“Victor, you’re not making any sense.” Mia frowned.

“Mia, I’m gay.” He finally said before taking a deep long exhale.

Mia stared at her hands with a shocked look on her face.

“Please say something.” Victor finally said after a long silence. Mia shook her head.

“Was I an experiment or something?” She asked angrily. “Were you just playing with my feelings all this time? I really liked you, Victor. It was so hard for me to open up and allow you to enter my life and you just pull this crap?”

“N-no, Mia. All of it was real, I wasn’t playing. I really thought I was into you, but I guess I was just confusing love with attraction. I love you. So much. Just… not like that.” Victor scrambled to explain.

“How did you realize this?” 

“Um…” Victor faltered. He promised her the truth but that was the one question he was hoping she wouldn’t ask. “I… I kissed a guy.”

“You cheated on me?” Mia asked, barely above a whisper.

“I’m so sorry,” Victor said, blinking back his own tears. “It was only once, not that that makes things any better. I know how wrong what I did was.”

“It was Benji wasn’t it?” She wiped away a lonely tear from her cheek.

“How did you-?”

“I’ve seen how you look at him. I thought I was going crazy and making things up in my head but now I know I should’ve trusted my gut. God, I’m so stupid.”

“No, Mia, this wasn’t your fault. Please forgive me, I’m going to spend the rest of my life making things up to you, just please, please forgive me.” Victor begged, he wanted to reach out and hold her hand, or something, but he refrained, choosing to give her space.

“I’m sorry, Victor, I don’t know if I can.” 

Victor lowered his head, resigned.

“Are you dating him now?” Mia asked. “Benji, I mean.”

“Not yet.”

“But you will?”

Victor shrugged. “I want to, but I won’t if it makes you uncomfortable.” 

“Does he make you happy?” She asked, sadly. Victor nodded. “Then you should date him.”

“Mia, I-”

“I need some time, Victor. I forgive you but I can’t be your friend right now, I’m sorry.”

“I thought I told you to stay away from her!” Lake said loudly, walking quickly towards them. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere, what are you doing with him?” She asked Mia.

“Uh, nothing, he was just… Nothing.” Mia answered.

Victor took a deep breath and made a decision. He wouldn’t force Mia to keep his secret.

“You can tell her everything. It’s fine.” He declared.

Mia raised her eyebrows at him. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. You were the last person I wanted to tell before everyone finds out.” Victor said, his voice shaking a little but he was sure he was ready. 

“I think you should be the one to tell her.”

“Tell me what?” Lake crossed her arms.

Victor gulped. “I- I like guys, I’m into them.” He said, barely above a whisper. “I’m gay.”

“Oh.” Lake gasped quietly. “I told you, Mia, there was no other explanation. No straight guy would ever break up with you, you gorgeous human.”

“Lake!” Mia reprimanded.

“He was too good to be true, all good guys are either gay or married.” Lake continued, ignoring her. “I knew it.” She said smugly.

Victor rolled his eyes. Mia gave him one last glance before getting up.

“Come on, Lake, let’s go.” Mia grabbed Lake’s hand and they both walked away, leaving Victor somehow feeling heavier and lighter than he had ever felt before

* * *

It started with small laughs and whispers. Victor had gotten used to it since everyone seemed to want to talk about his and Mia’s breakup. But it seemed to have worsened somehow, people were being bolder, pointing at him, laughing directly in his face and some even going as far as jeering at him.

He had been avoiding the cafeteria but people were harassing him in the hallways, in his classes, it was getting ridiculous.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be hanging out with me, Vic…” Benji said quietly to him one day at the school library. They were silently eating their lunch, not many people were around them but they still whispered just in case. “It’s just giving them ammo to be assholes to you.”

Victor sighed, he looked at Benji from his place across the table. “I won’t stop hanging out with you. I’m not going to let them win.”

“I just want you to stop being so upset.” Benji ran his hands through his hair.

“I’m okay,” Victor said quickly, sending a tired smile to Benji.

“Come on, you’re not even convincing at this point.”

Victor walked around the table and sat down beside Benji.

“Hey, it doesn’t matter what they think, it’s not even a false rumor. I am gay, and I do like you, so… Yes, it’s getting to me a little but as long as I’m able to spend time with you, I’ll be okay.”

“Remind me why we’re not dating, yet?” Benji said, scrunching his face adorably.

Victor chuckled. “Honestly, I don’t even know, people are talking about us already, maybe we should just embrace it. Fuck them.”

“Yeah, fuck them.” Benji repeated with a slight chuckle.

“I’m being serious, Benji. I think I’m ready, I was scared of being with you because I didn’t want to hurt you by hiding you or lying about our relationship… But I’m starting to realize the only way we can come out of this unscathed is if we do it together.”

“Vic, are you sure? I want to be with you more than anything but I don’t want you to feel pressured, I can wait, I’ve-”

“I know.” Victor put his casted hand on top of Benji’s tentatively. “I want this, I’m sure.”

Benji put his other hand on top of Victor’s. He looked around, at some point they had been left alone, no other student was around. Benji looked back at Victor.

Victor stared at Benji’s lips, those same lips he had kissed so many weeks ago, those lips that had been haunting his dreams for months and months. He leaned forward, closing his eyes and closing the gap between them. 

They moved together, in sync; hands and mouths connecting like pieces of a puzzle falling together seamlessly, designed to be together.

Victor pressed his forehead against Benji’s, both letting themselves get lost in the other for a moment. The bell signaling the end of their lunchtime sounded far away and Victor reluctantly got up.

He offered his good hand to Benji and he gladly accepted it, squeezing it lightly.

“Are you sure?” He asked one last time.

“I’m ready.” 

They walked out of the library hand in hand, a few people in the hallway raised their eyebrows at them and a few others immediately started whispering in between them. Victor ignored them, he focused on Benji’s hand holding his own, keeping him grounded as an anchor.

“Was Mia so bad she turned you, Salazar?” A guy from the basketball team yelled with a laugh.

Victor blushed furiously, his first instinct was to let go of Benji’s hand and run, run until he could escape the mocking glares of his classmates. But he didn’t, he stayed rooted in place with Benji standing firmly by his side.

“Hey, one more comment like that and I’ll get you expelled from the team,” Andrew said, appearing out of nowhere. “The same goes for everyone else. Grow up, people.”

The guy from the basketball team sent him a death glare before muttering “whatever” and walking away.

Victor stared at Andrew, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I kind of did. I want you to feel safe to come back to the team once your arm is healed.” Andrew shrugged. “If anyone else says something, let me know.”

Victor nodded. “Thank you.”

“No problem, you guys make a cute couple,” Andrew said before walking away.

“Well, that was unexpected,” Benji whispered, and, after a brief pause, he added. “We should get to class, come on.”

Victor followed Benji, not letting go of his hand. And he felt happy, the sensation bubbling all throughout him. He smiled, remembering what Bram had told him at Simon’s house, how it all had been worth it with Simon by his side and he finally understood. He would survive this without Benji but it’d so much more bearable with him by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VENJI IS ENDGAME.  
> I hope the wait for this was worth it! <3


	19. Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vic gets his cast off and the Salazars start getting ready for Pilar's Quinces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This is a bit of a shorter chapter but the next one is the longest one yet so I hope that makes up for it. We're getting closer to the end!

“One, two, three.”  _ Snap. _

Victor stared at his arm in wonder, the cast that had become a part of him was now sawed in half. The nurse cut through his bandages with a pair of scissors and then unwrapped everything, leaving his arm bare.

“There you go, move your fingers around, please.” He asked Victor while inspecting his arm. Victor complied, wiggling his fingers in a stiff manner, the movement felt foreign after spending so many weeks immobilized. “Alright, looks good to me.”

The nurse filled in some more of his paperwork and asked Isabel to sign some of the forms before letting Victor go. He thanked the nurse and left the hospital, feeling relieved to have finally gotten his cast off. 

He stared at his arm, trying to familiarize himself with it again, he moved his wrist slowly, it didn’t quite hurt, it just felt… rigid.

“How are you feeling?” Isabel asked him once they were in their car.

“It’s so weird. I will not miss the cast though.” Victor said.

“Even if it means you have to take notes in class again?” Isabel teased.

Victor groaned. “I guess I will miss having someone else taking notes for me. That was one of the very few perks I got from my broken arm.”

“At least, you’ll get to play basketball again.”

“Yeah, and on Monday I have my first shift back at Brasstown. I’m glad I have some money saved because otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to get anything for Pilar’s birthday next month.”

“You’re such a good brother, Victor.” Isabel smiled at him. 

“Well, it’s her Quinces, it’s a big one.”

“Yeah, I’m so glad she agreed to have a party, I’ve been looking forward to this since the day she was born.”

“Yes, mom, we know, you’ve only mentioned it every single year on her birthday.”

Isabel swatted his leg and laughed. “Well, it’s true!”

Victor snapped a picture of his bare arm and sent it to Benji.

> **Victor Salazar:** I’m free! [unamed01.jpg]
> 
> **Benji Campbell:** Hey, looks great! I’ll finally be able to hold your hand properly.
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** I know, so exciting!

“Who are you texting?” Isabel asked in a teasing manner.

“Um…” Victor faltered, he could tell his mom that he had a boyfriend now, but he kept thinking about what Armando had done, what if his mom did the same? “Just Benji.”

“Just Benji?” She repeated in an amused tone.

“Yeah…”

“Look at that smile!” Isabel kept teasing. “I know you’ve told me you’re just friends, but I’m glad he seems to make you so happy.”

Victor could tell she was being genuine, and he  _ wanted  _ to tell her so he decided to take a leap of faith, he trusted her. 

“Actually, he’s my boyfriend.”

Isabel had never been happier to be at a stop light. 

“Victor! I’m so happy for you! You deserve this.” She said excitedly. “You have to bring this boy over for dinner, I need to meet him.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll tell him.” Victor felt the relief pouring out of him. 

Pilar and Adrian had gone to spend the afternoon with Armando. It seemed like he always decided to visit or have them over whenever Victor had something else to do: while he was with his therapist or when he had a doctor’s appointment; at first Victor had been relieved, not really wanting to see him, but now he just felt angry.

By the time they arrived at their apartment, Pilar and Adrian were back, with no trace of their father left behind.

They had dinner and everyone parted to their rooms, except for Pilar who followed Victor to his.

“Hey, how much do you love me?” Pilar asked.

“Uh… a lot?” Victor answered, unsure of what she wanted from him.

“Enough to kill me before my Quinces and spare me from the inevitable trauma it will leave me?”

“No, not that much.”

Pilar threw herself into his bed with a loud groan.

“Why did you even agree? You hate people and you hate having fun. This is basically your own version of hell.”

“Well, mom’s been talking about this for my entire life, after the year from hell we’ve had I thought it’d be devastating if I took this away from her.” She explained. “But she is making me dance in front of everyone so… Maybe I should’ve taken this away from her.”

Victor laughed. “I think this is really nice of you, but if it’s making you feel that miserable then you shouldn’t do it.”

“This is the first time I’ve been grateful that I have no friends here, at least no one will have to witness this trainwreck,” Pilar groaned, again. “And they’ve paid for like half of it already so it’s too late anyway.”

Victor laid down beside her. “If it makes you feel any better, mom is making me and Adrian take dancing lessons for our waltz with you. I’m thinking of breaking my leg this time so that I have an excuse not to.”

Pilar hit him with a pillow. “You’re not leaving me alone on this one.”

“Ouch! I was just joking, you psycho.” He said, grabbing another pillow and hitting her back.

They threw pillows back and forth, laughing and screaming. Adrian joined them a moment later, everyone fighting for pillows and trying to avoid being hit. Laughter rang all throughout the apartment, an apartment that hadn’t seen joy like that in weeks.

* * *

Victor walked up to his locker when he spotted Benji leaning against it casually.

“Hey, love.” Benji greeted him.

“Hi, B. What’s up?” Victor asked, trying his best not to sound flustered, they had only been dating for a week but he already knew he’d never get tired of hearing Benji call him ‘love’.

“So, Pilar just invited me to her Quinces in a couple of weeks.”

Victor hid his face by opening his locker. “Oh, did she? What did you say?” He asked, sounding panicked.

“I said ‘Thank you, I’ll talk about it with your brother who hasn’t mentioned this to me at all’.”

“I haven’t? Huh, must have slipped my mind.”

“Vic…”

“Fine, I was going to tell you soon, I just…” Victor closed his locker and turned around. “Come on, let’s talk about it on our way to Brasstown, I can’t be late, it’s my first shift back.”

Victor held out his hand for Benji, and he gladly took it.

“Hey! No cast! This is a whole new experience.” Benji said with excitement.

Victor laughed and shook his head, Benji was ridiculous, in the best way possible.

They both walked out of the school hand in hand, a few people were still sending them glances but Victor couldn’t care less, he felt proud of being able to hold Benji’s hand and he wasn’t about to give it up.

“So, why hadn’t you told me about Pilar’s Quinces?” Benji asked, Victor could sense some hurt in his voice.

“I’m sorry, I was going to. I’m just really freaked out by my whole family coming to Atlanta for this party, I don’t want them to be rude to you… To us, but judging by Tito’s reaction on my birthday, I think they will be and I just didn’t want you to deal with that.”

“Victor, I don’t have to go to this party if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just… next time, talk to me?” Benji stopped walking and turned himself to face Victor, he put his hands on Victor’s shoulders gently. “You don’t have to deal with this on your own.”

Victor looked at Benji’s eyes, so full of concern and… love. They were together, a team, and even if his family didn’t like it, Benji was his person and Victor wanted him at the party.

“Benjamin Campbell, would you be my date to my sister’s Quinces?” Victor finally asked. Benji’s smile could have lightened up the entirety of Atlanta.

“I’d love to but, are you sure?” 

“I’m not, I should warn you that things might get ugly, but if you’re there holding my hand then I think I’ll be fine.” Victor admitted.

“I won’t let go, then.”

* * *

Victor’s first shift back at Brasstown was a breeze, Sarah and Benji made sure that he was taking things easy and not pushing himself too hard, which meant he was mostly on cashier duties, he didn’t mind.

Working with Benji had always been effortless, they always seemed to anticipate each other’s movements, working like a well oiled machine. And now that they were dating, they seemed to be even more in tune, sneaking flirty glances and coy smiles in between coffees.

“I’m glad you’re back, things weren’t the same without you.” Benji said when the last client of the day had left, Sarah had also left already so they were all alone.

“Yeah, I weirdly missed the awful music.”

“Oh, is that all you missed?”

“Yep, can’t think of anything else.” Victor said, smirking.

Benji stuck his tongue out at Victor. “You’re so funny.” 

“I know, that’s why you like me.”

Benji approached Victor and bumped his shoulder against Victor’s. “Yeah, that’s part of it.”

Victor closed the gap between them, kissing Benji and trying to convey just how much the other boy meant to him. Benji returned the kiss eagerly, threading his fingers with Victor’s hair and pulling a little, Victor tightened his hold on Benji.

“Come on, we have to close up.” Benji said, taking a step back.

“Alright, but I’m changing this music, I lied, I did not miss it.”

* * *

“... not okay! I won’t let you hurt him like this, Armando.”

Isabel was on the phone when Victor got home, she sent him a tight-lipped smile and a small wave as a greeting, he did the same. She ran her hands through her hair, exasperated.

“Everything okay?” He mouthed to her.

She nodded, not looking convinced. “He’s your son, too! You either take them all or none.” She said angrily before looking back at Victor and flinching. “I’ll call you back.” She said quietly before hanging up the phone.

“Was that…?”

“Your dad, yeah. He wants to take Pilar out for dinner to celebrate her birthday but…”

“He doesn’t want me to come, does he?” Victor asked, already knowing the answer.

“I’m so sorry, mi amor, I won’t let him do this to you. If he wants to have dinner with Pilar and Adrian then he’ll have to take you, too.”

Victor shook his head. “No, you should let him, Pilar deserves a celebration dinner and I won’t feel welcome even if he ends up accepting to take me, too.”

“Victor, I don’t-”

“It’s okay, mom. I promise.”

“I know you’d be okay, but I can’t allow this. He needs to understand how wrong he is.” Isabel said, burying her face in her hands.

“It’s okay, though, I have you and Pilar and Adrian and… Benji.” He said with a shrug. “I don’t need him.”

Isabel looked at him sadly, her little boy had had to grow up so much in the last weeks, she wished she could protect him, fight all of his battles for him but she knew that was impossible.

“I love you, Victor. I’m really proud to be your mother.”

Victor gave her a half-smile. “Thanks. I love you, too.”

Isabel stared as Victor walked away to his room, she knew he’d be fine, he was the strongest person she knew, she just wished there wasn’t a need for that. She dialed her husband’s number back, she wouldn’t back down, not this time.


	20. Portrait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Pilar’s Quinces!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so excited about this chapter! I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it!!

“So, how do I look?” Pilar asked, twirling around in a big red puffy gown, with a big exaggerated smile on her face.

Isabel put a hand over her mouth. “Ay, Pilar! You look so beautiful, I wish I’d had a dress as pretty as this one for my Quinces.”

Pilar gave her a tight-lipped smile.

“It’s very pretty, Pilar,” Victor added from his place on their living room couch.

“Don’t you think it’s a little too much?” She said looking down at her dress with a frown.

“Of course not!” Isabel exclaimed. “You’ll see, once you get your hair done and you put on a little bit of makeup, it’ll all come together.”

Pilar nodded reluctantly. “If you say so.”

“I can’t believe my little girl is turning into a woman.” Isabel cried out. “It feels like it was just yesterday when I was carrying you everywhere in my arms, changing your diapers and breas-

“Oookay,” Pilar interrupted. “Please stop that, I’m going to go change back into my normal clothes.” She said, already walking back to her room.

Isabel sighed and sat down beside Victor. “I can’t believe her Quinces will be this weekend, I’m just bummed that her birthday fell on a Thursday this year, it’d have been too perfect if it was on the weekend and it all synced up...”

Victor tuned his mom out, he was pretty sure Pilar didn’t want a party, especially without her friends from Texas, and the fact that their whole family was coming to Atlanta for this made him very uneasy… But his mom looked so excited, and he missed seeing her happy, so he stayed quiet.

“Have you thought about telling the rest of the family?” Isabel asked gently.

Victor shuddered. He still remembered his grandparents’ reaction to Benji and Derek back at his birthday party and he wasn’t looking forward to having those hateful thoughts directed at him but he knew it was inevitable at this point.

“Well, I invited Benji so… I think I’ll have to.”

Isabel nodded. “Okay, just know that no matter what happens I’ll be there by your side, I’m sorry I allowed your dad to take you away and tell you such hateful things, it won’t happen again. I’ll defend your right to be happy and in love even if it kills me, okay?”

“Thank you, mami.” Victor laid his head on Isabel’s shoulder.

“I’m also really excited about meeting your boyfriend.” Isabel giggled, making Victor blush.

“Yeah, I’m excited, too. I think you’ll like him.”

“I’m sure I will.”

* * *

“Okay, keep quiet. We don’t want to wake her up.” Victor whispered to Adrian; he was carrying a big box, while his younger brother held a cupcake with a candle propped on top. 

Isabel tip-toed in front of them, she opened Pilar’s bedroom door gently, making a face when it creaked loudly. Pilar grunted in her sleep.

“Come on, guys.” She whispered, ushering them inside. Everyone got in their positions and Isabel started a countdown. “Okay. One. Two. Three.” 

“ _Éstas son las mañanitas que cantaba el rey David, a las muchachas bonitas se las cantamos así…_ ” The three of them sang together. Pilar jumped up from her bed alarmed but started laughing when she realized what was happening. “ _Despierta, Pilar, despierta, mira que ya amaneció, ya los pajaritos cantan, la luna ya se metió._ ” 

Victor and Isabel cheered, Adrian jumped into Pilar’s bed whilst holding the cupcake, making his mom scream. 

“Make a wish, Pilar!” He said trusting the cupcake towards her.

She closed her eyes and blew out the candle.

Adrian gave her the cupcake before jumping up and down in her bed. “Happy birthday, Pilar!”

“Thank you, creature.” She said affectionately.

“We got you something!” He screamed, still jumping on the bed.

Victor laughed and put the big box he was carrying in front of her.

“We know you’ve been wanting this for a while now, and since you’re turning into a woman,” He mocked her. “we thought you would be able to use this responsibly.” He winked at her.

Pilar rolled her eyes at him and started to unwrap the box carefully, first taking the bow off and then removing the paper wrapper that had a cake pattern all over it. She stared at the box in shock before taking out the contents in a frenzy.

“Oh my god!” Pilar squealed. “A guitar?”

“It was all Victor’s idea, I’m still a little scared about giving you something else to make noise with,” Isabel teased her.

Pilar put the guitar aside carefully before throwing herself into her mom’s arms.

“Thank you!” She turned and gave Victor a hug, too. “I love you, Vic, thanks.” She whispered to him.

“You’re welcome, hermanita.”

* * *

“So, I was thinking, I want a new suit for Pilar’s quinces.” Benji mused out loud, leaning against the locker beside Victor’s.

“You don’t have to do that, B,” Victor said while grabbing one of his books from his locker. “The suit you used at the Spring Fling would be just fine.”

“No, I know, but I’m meeting your family for the first time and I think it’d be nice to get something special for that.”

Victor shrugged. “Only if you want to, but it’s not necessary at all.”

“I’ll go look for one this afternoon, are you free? I’d love to have your opinion.”

“Oh! I have an appointment with Dr. Joyce, my mom insisted that I should go see her before the quinces, just ‘in case’.” He said, making air quotes. “Sorry, I’d have loved to go with you.”

Benji pouted slightly. “That sucks, but I understand. I can send you pictures of the suits and then you can help me choose one?”

“Sure,” Victor said before grabbing Benji’s hand. “Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

“Okay, mom, I’m leaving to see Dr. Joyce now,” Victor announced.

Pilar came out of her room, close behind him.

“Mami? Can I go to the movies with some friends?” Pilar asked, fidgeting, and fiddling with the hem of her shirt

Victor and Isabel exchanged a look.

“Of course, it’s your birthday, go have fun,” Isabel said, surprise evident in her voice.

Pilar nodded. “Thanks, bye.”

“Don’t you need money?” Isabel shouted after her.

“No! They’re paying, birthday privileges,” Pilar shouted back before shutting their front door behind her.

“Huh. It’s nice to see that she’s finally opening up at school.” Isabel said. “Do you know who she’s going with?”

Victor shook his head. “No, but I haven’t been seeing her at school that much.”

“Well, it’s a birthday miracle,” Isabel said leaning back on their couch.

Victor grabbed his jacket and left, mentally preparing himself for a difficult therapy session.

He arrived 15 minutes early at the doctor’s office, he sat down in the waiting room, thankful that there was no one else around. He wasn’t as nervous as the first time he had been there, but the fact that he would be discussing his grandparents and extended family made him uneasy. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he dragged it out.

> **Benji Campbell:** [suit01.jpg] [suit02.jpg] 
> 
> **Benji Campbell:** What do you think? Which one says ‘I’m a respectable young man that will do his best to make your son happy’?
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** I think… 
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** I think you should wear a suit more often <3
> 
> **Benji Campbell:** Victor Salazar, you flirt! I’m taken.
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** Oh, are you? Is he cute?
> 
> **Benji Campbell:** The cutest.
> 
> **Benji Campbell:** And the most unhelpful. Pick one!
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** Right. I like the 2nd one, the flowers are nice.

“Victor? You can go in now.” The girl at the front desk told him.

He sent one last quick text to Benji before getting up and walking the now-familiar path to Dr. Joyce’s office.

“Hello, Victor. How have you been?” She asked.

“Hi, good. No. Sorry.” Victor shook his head, he knew Dr. Joyce was expecting a truthful answer but his mind automatically went to ‘fine’ or ‘good’ whenever someone asked him how he was. “I’ve been really anxious, Pilar’s quinces have me on edge.”

“Have you decided if you will come out to the rest of your family?”

“Yeah… I will, I want Benji to be there, and I’m not going to hide him. I know it might be a bad idea but if my dad has taught me anything with this is that I can’t control anyone’s reaction to me being gay, it just sucks that now I’m holding my breath expecting the worst from everyone.”

“Why do you expect the worst in this situation?”

“Because my grandparents have been homophobic towards Benji before, and I don’t think they’ll react any better than my dad did. If anything, I think they’ll be worse.”

Dr. Joyce wrote something down before looking back at Victor. “Have you talked to your dad?” 

“No, I don’t think he wants to talk to me.” He said, crossing his arms. “It’s like I’m dead to him, I think he’d rather pretend that I’m dead than accept that I’m gay… And he’s not only hurting me, but he’s also hurting my mom and Pilar and Adrian.” Victor felt his eyes getting watery.

“Why do you say that?”

“I overheard my mom talking to him, he was trying to convince her to let him take Pilar and Adrian out for dinner to celebrate her birthday… Without me, obviously.”

“You seem very upset.”

“I’m trying to be strong and not let him get to me but I’m… I’m so hurt.” Victor sniffled. “I wish he would see that I’m still the same person I was before I came out, I’m still his son. I can’t shake the image of him locking himself in his room unable to even look at me.”

“Tell me more about that day.”

Victor proceeded to recall the events that led to him being kicked out by his dad, it seemed like a lifetime had passed since the last time he had seen him, but the whole scene was burned inside his brain, being repeated over and over, in a hellish loop.

“I’m scared that he might never come around, everyone keeps telling me to give him time and be patient and whatnot… but what if he never changes his mind? It’s been over a month since I last saw him.”

“Victor, he’s the grownup in this equation, he’s the one that should be tolerant and patient with you. I keep hearing you putting all this responsibility and blame on yourself, you said something very important earlier: you can’t control people’s reactions, you can only learn how to live with them.”

“Yeah, I guess I’m just clinging to the idea that I won’t have to live without him.”

“Maybe you won’t, but you need to prepare yourself for both outcomes. With your dad and with the rest of your family.”

“Do you think it’s a bad idea to come out to them?” Victor asked quietly, he had been scared to ask that question but now that he had put it out there, he found himself hoping that the answer was no.

“I think if you’re ready, then you shouldn’t hide yourself from them. It’s your decision.”

Victor nodded, deep in thought. He had no idea if he was making the right decision, but it was his, and he felt ready, he felt completely ready to be himself, to be out to everyone he cared about and if they didn’t like it then he’d learn to live with that, just as he was learning to live with his dad’s rejection.

Victor arrived back home to find Pilar and Isabel curled up on the living room couch, his sister sobbing hysterically into their mom’s shoulder. Isabel was stroking her back and whispering shushing noises into her hair, trying to comfort her.

“What’s wrong?” Victor asked, alarmed at the scene.

Pilar looked up to him and started crying louder. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t- I’m sorry.” She sobbed.

“What happened?” Victor asked again, getting angry at whoever had hurt his sister.

“She didn’t meet with any friends, Victor. She went to have dinner with your dad. He made her lie to us and- Lo voy a matar, se los juro.” Isabel explained, anger coating all of her words.

“I was just trying to help, I thought I could change his mind and make him understand. I’m so sorry, I really thought I could do it.” Pilar said through her tears.

“It’s okay, I know.” Isabel cooed, stroking her hair.

“Why are you crying? What did he do?” Victor asked, raising his voice angrily.

Pilar shook her head and buried it against Isabel’s shoulder. 

“He just said some really hurtful things to Pilar, she uninvited him to her party but we don’t know if he’ll show up.”

Victor pulled at his hair, he wanted to scream and punch something and run, all at the same time. Instead, he took a deep breath, sat down beside Pilar, and hugged her.

“You shouldn’t have done that, this is my battle to fight,” Victor murmured.

“I don’t want him there if he’s not going to accept you, he’s an asshole and I’m ashamed that he’s my dad.”

“I won’t even tell you off,” Isabel said.

Victor smiled despite himself. “It’s going to be okay, whether he accepts me or not, he’s the one missing out, and I just… I feel sorry for him.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t change his mind, Vic,” Pilar said, wiping the last of her tears.

“That’s on him, Pilar, it’s not your fault.” And he finally realized what Dr. Joyce, Benji, Simon, Bram, and even his mom had told him at some point. If he could clearly see how Pilar wasn’t at fault in this situation, then he’d be a hypocrite to keep blaming himself.

It was all on his dad, and maybe he would change his mind about him someday, but in the meantime, he had an amazing sister, a mom that fully supported him, and the most loving boyfriend he could ask for. He would be fine.

* * *

Victor adjusted his black tie by holding the knot with one hand and pulling on the narrow end with the other. He pressed the fabric against his shirt and contemplated his handiwork in the mirror. 

He could see Pilar sitting in front of her vanity from his room, she huffed and groaned trying to get her tiara to sit right on top of her hair, which cascaded in curls down her back. Isabel was also there, all dressed up, trying to get her daughter to sit still.

“Do you guys need help?” Victor called out.

“No, just go help Adrian with his bow tie, please,” Isabel answered, finally getting the tiara in the right place and starting to secure it with bobby pins.

Victor checked himself out in his mirror one last time before going to Adrian’s room.

“Hey, buddy.”

“Look, Vic! I got it!” Adrian said, proudly showing him a perfectly tied bow tie around his neck. Victor stared at him shocked.

“Wow! How did you do that?”

Adrian rolled his eyes at him. “Youtube, duh.” 

“Oh, duh, obviously,” Victor answered, trying his best not to laugh. “That looks great, are you ready?”

Adrian nodded enthusiastically. 

“Alright, we’ll be leaving soon. Pilar’s almost ready and Benji will be here any minute now.”

“Victor has a boyfriend! Victor has a boyfriend!” Adrian sang, running circles around him.

“Hey, um, are you okay with that?” Victor asked him, crouching down and stopping him by the shoulders.

Adrian shrugged. “Yeah? I liked when Pilar had a boyfriend, Eric always played with me. Do you think Benji will want to see unboxing videos with me?”

A burst of relieved laughter shook Victor’s shoulders, but before he could say anything there was a knock on their front door. “That must be him. Why don’t you ask him?”

Adrian ran out of the bedroom, Victor allowed himself to breathe in relief for a moment, he knew Adrian kind of understood what was going on, but hearing him actually approve of him having a boyfriend felt like a breath of fresh air, he was thankful that their dad’s comments hadn’t influenced Adrian.

“...and then you can pretend they’re your hands! Like Christmas!” 

Benji was carefully listening to Adrian’s babblings. “That’s genius, man. Of course, I’ll watch some with you.”

Victor watched their interaction silently, smiling at how cute they both were. Benji was wearing a blue jacket that had a silver and burgundy floral pattern all throughout it, a white shirt with a skinny black tie, and black pants and shoes that complimented the jacket but didn’t pull attention from it. He looked stunning.

“Hey.” Victor finally greeted.

Benji looked up and his face broke out in a huge smile that showed his pointy canines.

“Hey.”

“Um, you look… wow, I mean, you look amazing,” Victor said softly, before adding. “I definitely chose the right suit.”

Benji laughed and walked towards Victor. “Thanks, love.” He grabbed Victor’s hand and eyed him up and down. “I think I’ve never seen anyone rock a suit quite as you well as you do.”

Victor smiled at him and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

“Okay, is everyone ready? The venue is-” Isabel said, walking out of Pilar’s room and stopping mid-sentence as she spotted Benji.

Victor grabbed Benji’s hand and gently pulled at him to follow him.

“Mami, this is my boyfriend, Benji.” Victor introduced him to Isabel, suddenly feeling nervous. “Benji, this is my mom, Isabel.”

“Hello, Mrs. Salazar,” Benji said, extending his hand for her to shake. “Thanks for having me.”

Isabel shook his hand. “Of course, anyone that makes my son smile as much as you do is welcome here. Please call me Isabel,” She said with a grateful smile directed towards Benji, which he promptly returned. 

Pilar came out of her room, in sweats and a hoodie, carrying her ball gown in her arms.

“Oh, hi, Benji, you made it. If you post any of this on any social media, I’ll murder you.” She greeted him with a fake smile plastered on her face.

“Happy birthday, Pilar.” Benji said, giving Pilar a small box with a bow wrapped around it.

Victor thought he’d die, right then and there, his heart was so full of love for all the people surrounding him. If he hadn’t been sure about coming out to his family before, now he was certain since, no matter what the outcome was, he’d still have them.

“Pilar, you can open it later, we’re going to be late, come on, everyone, let’s go.” Isabel said, clapping her hands and motioning for everyone to follow her.

It was time.

* * *

The music beat loudly in Victor’s ears. Isabel zig-zagged across the venue trying to make sure everything was ready, their guests would be arriving any minute now.

Victor sat down on a big round table with Benji right by his side, holding his hand firmly and not letting go.

The first ones to arrive were his cousin Mimi and her parents, Omar and Amelia. Victor had always liked Mimi, he thanked whoever was watching over him for sending him some easier people first.

Victor took a deep breath, calming himself down, and trying to stop himself from having a panic attack, just like Dr. Joyce had advised. Benji rubbed circles in his hand with his thumb, comfortingly, noticing how worried Victor was.

“Hey, we don’t have to do this, you can still change your mind.” 

Victor shook his head. “No, no, I’m doing it, I just need a moment.”

“Take as long as you need.”

Victor focused on Benji’s hand, holding him firmly in place and keeping him grounded. Whatever happened that hand would still be there, drawing gentle circles in his hand. And at the end of the day, most of these people would return to Texas in the next couple of days so really, it would be okay.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Victor muttered.

He stood up, still not letting go of Benji’s hand, and walked towards the newcomers.

“Hi, Mimi, tía Ame, tío Omar, long time no see.” Victor cleared his throat before adding. “Um, this is my boyfriend, Benji.”

His uncle and aunt shared a discrete look but stayed quiet.

“Hi.” Mimi, who was a year older than Victor, was the first to speak. She hugged Victor, tighter than she would normally do, and whispered. “He’s very cute.” Before moving on to hug a startled Benji. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” Benji answered, squeezing Victor’s hand.

She smiled one last time at them before turning around and dragging her parents away to their seats. “Save me a dance for later.” She mouthed, and then she was gone.

“That went better than expected,” Benji whispered.

“Yeah, I could do that again.” He said, trying to convince himself.

Felix and Mia were the next ones to arrive with their plus-ones, Lake and Andrew. Pilar had asked Victor for permission to invite Mia since they had become quite close while Victor was dating her, and of course, he said yes.

Pilar had made sure that the four of them were seated at another table, far from Victor and Benji, which hurt Victor a little, but he understood.

A while later, when most of his family had arrived and been introduced to Benji with no major incidents, Victor allowed himself to relax. Yeah, his grandparents hadn’t arrived yet, but everything had gone so well he allowed himself to let a little bit of hope into his heart. Maybe they’d be okay with him being gay, too.

Well, not okay, not really, he could still feel the looks and the whispers around him, but at least no one had said anything mean to his face and most people were just ignoring him, which worked for him.

“Hey, I’m going to go to the bathroom, will you be okay?” Benji whispered in his ear.

Victor squeezed his hand before letting go. “Yeah, I’ll survive.”

Benji kissed his cheek before getting up and disappearing through the crowd.

Victor looked around, feeling awkward now that he was on his own. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, Adrian was running around the deserted dance floor with a few of their younger cousins, Isabel was stopping by at every table, greeting and chatting with all their family. He wondered when Pilar would make her entrance.

A moment later, Victor felt his heart dropping as his grandparents, Natalia and Tito, approached him. _No, no, no. Benji, come back._

“Victor! You look so handsome, mi vida!” Natalia said before squeezing his cheeks.

“Cómo has estado?” Tito said as a greeting. “Your dad told us you had broken an arm, I’m glad to see you’ve healed.”

“Y-yeah, I’m good now.” He said with an awkward chuckle.

“And where’s that lovely novia of yours?”

“Uh, actually… Um, about that… There’s something I’d like to tell-” 

A loud voice coming from the speakers interrupted him.

“And now, give it up for the birthday girl: Pilar!” 

Everyone turned around to look at the dance floor, where an obviously uncomfortable Pilar was waving around at the guests. Victor saw Benji coming back but stopping at the other side of the dance floor, unable to cross while Pilar and Isabel were there.

Benji noticed Victor’s grandparents and sent him a panicked look. Victor gave him a thumbs up, indicating that everything was okay.

Isabel stood beside Pilar, holding a microphone and looking a bit nervous. 

“Hello, everyone! First of all, thanks for coming, I know most of you came all the way from Texas to be here and I really appreciate it.” Isabel began. “Fifteen years ago I held Pilar in my arms for the first time, I remember that day perfectly. She was so tiny but so loud,” Isabel joked and turned to her daughter. “And that hasn’t changed. You’ve always been so strong, so determined, you know what you want and you don’t back down.”

“You’ve taught me so much, Pilar. I’ve learned to be more understanding. I’ve learned that screaming at each other often accomplishes nothing except pain. I’ll probably still get upset and frustrated with you. I’ll probably still lecture you simply because I am your mom and that’s what we do. But I need you to know that I’m so proud of you, I’ve always been. Watching you grow has been the biggest pleasure of my life and I’m so lucky to be your mom.” Isabel fanned her face, trying to hold back her tears.

“Thank you for agreeing to this part and this reminds you of how loved and cherished you are to all of us. You are becoming a woman now but you’ll always be my spunky little girl, Adrian’s biggest hero, and Victor’s greatest confidant. We all love you so much.”

Everyone clapped loudly and Pilar hugged her mom, loud music started blaring from the speakers and Isabel left Pilar on the middle of the dance floor for her to perform her big dance.

Pilar danced to a Billie Eilish song, much to the horror of his grandparents and some uncles and aunts, and to the delight of Victor and all of their friends. Victor cheered loudly, and since everyone was jumping around and screaming, Benji took this chance to run across the dance floor and back to Victor’s side.

Victor’s grandparents glared at Benji, not understanding what he was doing there. Victor prepared himself to grab Benji’s hand again and finally tell them the truth but before he could say anything, Pilar approached them.

“Hi, abuelos.” She said with a smile, she seemed more at ease after the dance.

“I can’t believe your mother allowed you to dance like that. How shameful!” Natalia said, clutching her necklace in her hands. Everyone ignored her. 

“Where’s your papi, Pilar?” Tito asked, looking around.

“Um, I…” She looked at Victor for help.

“He's not coming, Tito,” Victor said, avoiding his grandparents’ eyes.

“What are you talking about? Cómo que no va a venir?” 

“He was uninvited,” Pilar said, firmly.

“What do you mean uninvited?” Tito exclaimed. “Es tu padre! Desde que se vinieron a Atlanta han perdido el control.”

“Tito, my dad made his decision, so I made mine. I don’t want him here if he’s just going to ruin this for everyone.” Pilar said, crossing her arms defensively.

“De qué estás hablando, niña?” Natalia frowned, her anger coloring her words.

Victor took Benji’s hand, who had been watching the exchange quietly by his side. 

“Tito, abuela Nati, I’m gay.”

Everything happened in slow motion.

In any other circumstances, Victor would have laughed at his grandparents’ faces. He considered yelling ‘You’ve been punked!’ and retracting his last statement but Benji held his hand tightly, proudly, and how could he not reciprocate? So he stayed put, watching a myriad of emotions crossing their faces.

“Where is your mother?” Tito said, seething with rage.

As if on cue, Isabel walked to the center of the dance floor, microphone in hand. “Alright, everybody, we’ll be eating soon but first, settle down for one more thing. Sadly, Pilar’s dad couldn’t join us today for the father and daughter dance, but instead, Pilar will dance with her brothers. Enjoy!”

A soft ballad enveloped the place, a spotlight was directed at them, highlighting the miserable scene. 

Pilar forced a smile on her face with ease, having practiced all day long, and walked to the center of the dance floor. Adrian joined her after Isabel gave him a little push. 

“I knew something was wrong when you defended them at your party. Ya sabía yo.” Tito inhaled sharply. 

“Your sister with her satanic worship and now you with… _this_ , we told your father Isabel wouldn’t be a good mother,” Natalia said, looking at Benji and Victor with disgust. “She ruined our grandsons.”

“Vámonos, Natalia.” Tito grabbed Natalia by her shoulders and started leading her out of the room.

“Tito…” Victor reached out and tried to grab him by the arm, but Tito shrugged him off.

“No me toques.” 

Tito and Natalia left, not looking back at Victor and taking a piece of his broken heart with them. He knew this would be the most likely outcome but it still hurt.

The spotlight turned to him, and he faintly heard his mother calling him to the dance floor for his turn to dance with his sister. He let go of Benji’s hand and walked toward Pilar, moving by pure muscle memory.

He felt every single person in the room staring at him.

He finally reached Pilar and put one of his hands on her shoulder and the other one on her waist. They swayed back and forth.

“They left?” Pilar asked quietly. Victor nodded. She looked away, her eyes getting watery.

“You know what’s funny?” She said after a while. “I was kind of hoping dad would show up, that he would regret everything and just put his pride aside for my birthday.”

“I’m sorry, Pilar. I feel like I ruined your birthday.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be working on not blaming yourself for everything?” Pilar muttered sharply. “They ruined it, dad ruined it. Even mom by forcing me to do this. You didn’t do anything wrong. Now shut up and keep dancing.”

The dance felt eternal, Victor just wanted it to end. He wanted everyone to stop staring at him. He hated this song.

As it came to an end, Victor twirled Pilar one last time before stepping away, drifting like a magnet back to his boyfriend.

Benji was right there to catch him as he collapsed.

“Victor, I’m so sorry.” He whispered, holding him and stroking his hair soothingly. Victor wasn’t crying, he didn’t have it in him, he didn’t want the 100+ people in the room watching him have a breakdown so he breathed, and breathed, and breathed some more.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Benji whispered against his hair.

“Please.”

Benji put his arm around his waist and led him out of the room, across a hallway, through some doors, to a garden. In the time they had been at the party, the sky had darkened, a few street lamps were the only thing illuminating the scene. The music from the party barely reached them.

They sat down at the nearest bench.

“I’m okay, you know?” Victor said quietly, after a couple of minutes. Benji didn’t answer. “I knew this was going to happen. I hoped it wouldn’t but…”

“It’s disappointing, yet not surprising. I get it.” Benji nodded. “It’s fine if you’re not okay, that was… a lot, it took everything in me not to step in.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. It’d have probably made things worse.”

“Yeah, I figured.” Benji sighed.

Victor rested his head on his shoulder, and they wrapped themselves in the silence of the night, only a distant melody disrupting it. 

“Thank you,” Victor whispered eventually.

“For what?”

“For coming, for being here with me.” Victor looked at their interlaced hands. “For not letting go…” 

Benji kissed Victor’s head. “There’s no place I’d rather be. You don’t have to thank me.”

Victor looked up at him and pressed his lips against Benji’s. Once. Twice. Each of them a wish and a promise.

“This is nice.” Victor whispered, pressing their foreheads together. “Let’s stay here and never go back.”

Benji chuckled. “Anything you want.”

“Victor? We saw what happened, are you okay?” Felix said approaching them, with Lake, Mia, and Andrew behind him.

Victor smiled at them. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? Because that looked like you coming out to your grandparents and them leaving right after.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what happened,” Victor confirmed.

“And you _are_ okay?” Felix asked again.

“Yes.”

“Sounds fake.”

“It’s not.”

“Fine.” Felix finally conceded.

“Hey, um, can I talk to Victor for a moment?” Mia asked everyone, they nodded but nobody moved. “Alone?”

“Oh! Sure.” Everyone scattered off.

Benji looked at Victor, a question in his eyes. Victor nodded and Benji followed everyone but Mia back to the party.

“I’m sorry that happened,” Mia said, sitting down beside Victor.

“Thank you.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot… About us.” Mia sighed. “I’m still mad at you, but you _are_ my best friend, and I’m here for you if you need to talk.”

“You are my best friend, too,” Victor said, relief in his every word.

“So… Benji seems to be head over heels for you.” She said tentatively.

Victor chuckled. “You don’t have to do this.”

“No, it helps,” Mia reassured him. “Tell me about him.” 

“Um, well, he’s… he’s amazing.”

“Is it better than it was with me?” Mia asked, immediately frowning. “No, don’t answer that, tha-”

“No, it’s not better. It’s just different.” Victor answered anyway.

Mia nodded. “I guess I should tell you that I’m seeing Andrew.”

“Yeah, I figured.” Victor smiled at her. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks…” She said, and then added. “We’re gonna have to keep working on this, it’s far too awkward.”

Victor chuckled. “Just a little, I’m sure we’ll get there.”

“We should head back. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

They walked back to the party in full swing, most people had started dancing at some point and the bodies on the dance floor moved along a popular pop song.

Pilar was dancing with Benji, while Lake and Felix screamed the lyrics to each other. Andrew towered over them awkwardly, his relief was obvious when he spotted Mia.

She walked over to him and moved his arms around trying to get him to dance with her. Benji spotted Victor at that moment, his eyes glinting. Victor walked over to them and the three of them danced together, soon being joined by the other two couples, they danced and screamed and jumped.

Victor forgot all about his grandparents, his dad, none of it could ruin this night for him.


	21. Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Benji go on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays and Happy New Year guys!!! We're getting closer to the end of this fic and I couldn't be more excited. Posting has been once a week because this last couple of chapters are taking me longer to write but we're almost there!!! Thank you for all your patience! Enjoy!

Victor tapped his fingers against the counter impatiently; he looked over at the clock on the wall and sighed, his shift was almost over but it felt as if time was passing slower than usual.

He looked around, the place was pretty much empty since it was late for most people to be getting coffee. Victor grabbed his phone and checked for messages; the last one was from several hours ago: Benji letting him know that The Sticky Beaks rehearsal was starting.

And he had missed it. Again. 

Benji had invited him to every single rehearsal they had had but the world seemed to be against Victor because something always got in the way. This time it had been his work schedule; since he had missed so much time because of his broken arm, he was trying to get all the extra shifts possible.

Victor heard the front door opening and quickly tucked his phone away. He felt his heartbeat increasing and a smile overtaking his face when he saw who it was.

“Hi,” Benji said, dragging the word out. “You come here often?”

Victor raised his eyebrows but played along. “Yeah, apparently I’ll be coming here every day until the end of time. Or that’s what I was told by the cute guy who hired me.”

Benji giggled.

“What can I get you?” Victor asked him with a smirk on his face.

“Um…” He tapped his chin, “I’m craving a latte.”

Victor grabbed a paper cup, “Alright, a latte coming up for… Sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”

They didn’t usually ask for the customers’ names but since there was no one else in line… 

“Benjamin.”

Victor scribbled down the name carefully. “A latte for Benjamin coming up.”

“Thank you.” Benji trusted some bills into Victor’s hands but he refused to accept them.

“Don’t worry, it’s on the house.”

“Oh? Won’t you get in trouble?”

Victor shook his head. Sarah was in the back room solving an issue with a shipment and he  _ was  _ planning to pay for Benji’s coffee so he was sure everything would be fine. He looked over at Benji, beautiful, wonderful, patient Benji, who was making him the happiest person alive. He wanted to give back just as much as Benji was offering him.

Victor grabbed the paper cup with Benji’s name scribbled on it and added one more phrase below it.

He went through all the motions to make a latte, he steamed the milk carefully and poured it in the espresso quickly, remembering all the latte art lessons Benji had given him.

He admired his work and nodded to himself. Was it perfect? No, but Benji would still appreciate it, or at least he hoped so.

“A latte for Benji.” He said loudly, gently putting the beverage down at the counter. Victor gave Benji the cup with an expectant look on his face.

“Thanks, love.” Benji grabbed it carefully and went to sit on an empty table, not looking at the cup much to Victor’s disappointment.

“Victor, hey, can you close up? I need to go sort this out.” Sarah said, looking as distressed as always.

Victor looked around the coffee shop, it was mostly empty except for Benji and an old man who was grabbing his stuff, ready to leave. “Yeah, go ahead.”

“Thank you, see you tomorrow.”

“Bye.”

The old man followed Sarah out, leaving Victor and Benji all alone at the shop. Victor leaned against the counter and propped his head on his hands, staring at his boyfriend unabashedly.

Benji was writing in a notebook, his coffee cup untouched. He wrote something down with a concentrated frown on his face and grabbed the coffee cup absentmindedly; he was about to take a sip when he finally noticed a latte art heart decorating his beverage.

He looked up at Victor and smiled showing all of his teeth before saying loudly: “That’s really good.”

Victor bowed down with a flourish.

Benji turned the cup around and fixated his eyes on what Victor had written on his cup. He looked up at Victor again with a shocked look on his face; he stood up, not letting go of the cup, and walked up to him.

“Really?”

Victor nodded, blushing slightly. “Yeah. If you want to.”

“Of course I do.” 

Benji reread the words Victor had written on the cup.  _ ‘Would you go out on a date with me?’ _

Victor bit his lip, trying to control his smile. “Friday?”

“Friday sounds perfect. It’s a date.” Benji said, barely able to contain his excitement.

“It’s a date.” Victor echoed.

He got on his tiptoes and put his arms around Benji, the counter in between them pressing against his hip uncomfortably.

Benji pushed his forehead against Victor’s and tangled his hands in his hair. Victor closed the gap between them and pressed his lips firmly against Benji’s.

“I can’t wait,” Victor muttered against his boyfriend’s lips.

* * *

“Victor, can you sit down? You’re driving me insane.” Pilar asked, annoyed.

Victor stopped pacing back and forth and sat down beside her. “Sorry.”

“What’s got you so worked up anyway?” 

“I’m taking Benji out on our first date and I want it to be epic but I don’t know…” Victor sighed. “Nothing I come up with seems good enough.”

“Fine, what ideas do you have?”

“Um, I thought about a picnic, or maybe a romantic candle-lit dinner, or going to the movies, or-”

Pilar groaned. “All of those sound boring as hell.”

“Excuse me? It’s called being romantic.”

“The picnic is the only one that sounds decent. Scrap the other two.” Pilar said, looking at her nails unbothered.

Victor sighed loudly. “Do you have any other ideas then?”

“Of course, millions.”

“Like…?” Victor prompted.

“Like you giving me twenty dollars and then I’ll tell you,” Pilar said with a proud smile on her face. Victor crossed his arms, scowling at her.

“Seriously? You’re profiting off of my suffering?”

“Billie Eilish’s new merch won’t be cheap, I need money.”

“Fine, I’ll give you ten dollars,” Victor said.

“Fifteen.” 

“Twelve and that’s my final offer.”

“Fine.” Pilar conceded, she opened her palm and Victor reluctantly gave her a couple of crumpled up dollars from his wallet.

“These ideas better be good.”

Pilar rolled her eyes before standing up and looking at Victor straight in the eyes. “Just borrow stuff from movies.”

“Huh?”

“What’s Benji’s favorite movie? Just recreate a cute date on it or something.”

“What?” Victor frowned before understanding what Pilar was saying. “Oh. Pilar, you evil genius. That’s perfect! Thank you!”

“Don’t thank me, pay me the twenty dollars I need.”

Victor was so excited he just nodded and gave her the remainder eight dollars.

Pilar accepted them and walked away before exclaiming: “It was a pleasure doing business with you!”

Victor shook his head and laughed. Benji was going to lose it.

* * *

Victor spotted Mia running along the running track, he took a deep breath before running at full speed to catch up with her.

“Hi!” He exclaimed a little breathlessly.

Mia gave him an amused look. “Hey.”

“What are you doing?” Victor asked, falling into rhythm beside her.

Mia faltered for a second. “Uh… running?”

“Cool.” Victor nodded, unsure of what else to say. The tension between them was still palpable.

They jogged together for a little bit before Mia stopped to drink some water.

“Aren’t you on your free period? What are you doing here?” Mia asked in between sips.

“I just wanted to talk to you. I really miss you.” Victor said softly.

Mia gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Okay, let’s catch up… If you can keep up.” Mia took off jogging again and Victor followed her chuckling.

“Have you talked with your grandparents?” Mia asked first.

“No, they flew back to Texas the day after the quinces and they won’t answer my calls. I’m a little bit hurt but between my mom, Pilar, Benji and my therapist, they’ve softened the blow.”

“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

“Thanks,” Victor smiled softly at her. “So, is Andrew treating you well?” Victor asked, smiling. Mia blushed and nodded.

“Yes, he’s really trying to be a better person and… I don’t know, he makes me happy.”

“Yeah, I can see that. I’m happy for you, both of you.” Victor said honestly.

“Thank you,” Mia muttered, the tension between them dissipating a little. “How are things going with Benji?”

Victor hesitated and Mia noticed. “I already told you we can talk about this, Victor. If we’re going to be friends, I don’t want this to be awkward.”

“Okay, um, things are pretty good. He’s the best,” Victor said biting his lip, before adding. “Actually, I kind of wanted to ask you for your help with something, if that’s okay.”

Mia raised her eyebrows. “Oh?”

“Um, I’m planning our first date  _ date.  _ We’ve gone out a couple of times, and then we went together at the quinces and all that but we’ve never gone out just to spend time together and such, so I want to make this really special for him, you know?”

Mia nodded.

“I had an idea but I’m not sure how to make it happen and, since you’re into art and sculpture, I thought you might be able to help.”

They jogged quietly for a moment, Victor started feeling out of breath.

“Okay, I’ll help you. Tell me what you need.” Mia finally said, firmly. Victor tried to detect any hesitance in her voice but found none, she seemed like she genuinely wanted to help. The tension between them was almost gone and Victor felt like he could breathe a little easier.

It seemed like he was close to getting his best friend back.

“Thank you, Mia. Seriously.” Victor said with all the gratitude and emotion he could convey. “So, here’s the plan…”

* * *

Victor checked his phone and groaned. He had totally pulled a Felix, arriving half an hour earlier to pick Benji up for their date. He stared at himself in the rearview mirror, his reflection looking just as nervous as he felt.

“Pull yourself together, man. This is Benji, it’ll be fine.” He muttered angrily to himself.

Since he had some time to kill, he grabbed his phone and opened his conversation with Simon.

> **Victor Salazar:** Hey, Si! I’m currently outside of Benji’s house about to take him out on our first date, any advice?
> 
> **Simon Spier:** Oh, that’s so exciting! I remember my first date with Bram… A really long time ago. Wow, we’re getting old. Anyway, advice: Don’t forget to pack gum and have fun!
> 
> **Simon Spier:** Where are you taking him?

Victor bit his lips and typed out his entire plan.

> **Simon Spier:** I’m literally about to cry, that’s so cute and romantic. Bram says good luck and we love you both.
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** Thank you, guys! I love you both, too <3

Victor checked the time again, still ten minutes to go, but as he was debating with himself on whether to wait or just go and ring the doorbell, the Campbell’s front door opened and Benji came out.

Victor got out of the car immediately and waved at him. “Hi!”

“Hey, love! You’re early, I saw you outside and decided to… just come out.” Benji winked at him. Victor put his arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, Benji kissed him back eagerly.

Victor blushed. “I guess I’m just excited about this.” 

“Well, good. I’m excited, too. Will you tell me where we’re going?” Benji asked against Victor’s lips.

“Not yet.” Victor smirked and pulled away.

Benji pouted. “Fine, you’re lucky I love surprises.”

“I know you do… honey…?” Victor cringed at the nickname. “No, no, I hate it, let’s forget about that, I’ll try again later.”

Benji giggled. “You’re cute.”

Victor shook his head and opened the car door for Benji, they both got in and Victor started driving to the first location.

Benji rolled down his window and closed his eyes, enjoying the air messing up his hair. Victor looked at him from the corner of his eyes. 

_ ‘God, how can someone be that adorable? I love him.’  _ He thought.

He pressed the brakes a little too hard at this realization. He loved Benji. He  _ loved  _ him.

Benji gave him an alarmed look. “Hey, are you okay?”

Victor nodded quickly, unable to contain his smile. “Yeah, sorry, everything’s perfect.”

“Okay… Just be careful, I don’t want to die before knowing what you’ve planned.”

Victor shook his head and concentrated on the road. Benji turned on the radio and ‘Adore You’ by Harry Styles started playing; Benji sang along to it excitedly, serenading Victor with it.

“Honey, I’d walk through fire for you, just let me adore you!” Benji used his hand as a microphone and pointed towards Victor.

Benji was so lost in the song that he didn’t realize when they pulled into a parking lot. Victor let him finish the song.

“Just let me adore you like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do.” Benji sang at the top of his lungs. He sighed loudly. “Man, Harry Styles, am I right?”

Victor chuckled. “He has nothing on you.”

“Oh shut up! That’s so not true. Wait, where are we? A park? Are we going on a picnic?” Benji asked full of wonder.

“You’ll have to wait and see…, cutie.” He scrunched up his face. “Nope, I don’t like it either, that’s even worse than honey, oh god.”

Benji gave him an amused smile and they both got out of the car. 

Victor walked up to him and grabbed his hand. “So, any final guesses on what we’ll be doing today?”

Benji hummed. “I’ll stick with a picnic.”

“We literally don’t have a basket or anything that a picnic requires, B.”

Benji shrugged. “Maybe you’re trying to throw me off.”

Victor chuckled and led them both through a path, they both admired the trees and flowers all around them, it was all so full of life and color and Victor felt so lucky to be alive and holding Benji’s hand. He squeezed it tightly and Benji returned the gesture a couple of times.

“Okay, over here.” Victor led him to a wooden dock surrounded by paddle boats and kayaks.

“Oh my god! Are we renting a paddle boat?” Benji said jumping up and down a little. “Victor, please tell me we’re renting a paddle boat.”

“I hope you’re ready to paddle for an hour straight.”

“Oh, love, you should know by now, I don’t do anything straight.” Benji winked at him.

Victor laughed and pulled him to the rental booth where he paid for an hour on a paddle boat; the man instructed them to grab any of the ones by the dock.

Benji ran to a pink one and Victor followed suit, it took them a couple of tries but they finally got in sync and paddled away from the dock.

“This is nice.” Victor said, enjoying the feeling of the sun in his face.

“This is perfect, love.” Benji said happily. “Will you be mad if I pretend for just a second that you’re Heath Ledger?”

“Hmm… So, what’s your excuse?” Victor said in a deep voice.

“Oh my god.” Benji muttered; his eyes widened comically, he turned a little on his seat to face Victor. “For?”

“Acting the way we do.” Victor quoted, still using a deep voice.

Benji bit his lip trying to keep his cool. “I don't like to do what people expect. Why should I live up to other people’s expectations instead of my own?”

Victor nodded, pretending to be thoughtful. “So you disappoint them from the start and then you're covered, right?”

“Something like that.”

“Then you screwed up.” Victor said, smiling.

Benji giggled. “How?”

“You never disappointed me.” Victor said cheekily. They shared a conspiratorial look before bursting out laughing.

“Did you memorize that entire scene just for this?” Benji asked, still laughing.

“Well, I wanted to impress you and I know for a fact that you know that entire movie by heart.”

“Of course I do, it’s a classic.” Benji said matter of factly.

“It’s old, sweetheart.” Victor said before frowning at the nickname. “Nope.” He muttered.

Benji looked at him offended. “It’s not.”

They stayed quiet for a couple of minutes, paddling along the lake and enjoying each other's company. They went in circles, not really caring about their destination.

Benji looked up at the sky and closed his eyes, a small smile playing on his face. “I’m so happy right now.” He said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Victor reached over and kissed his cheek. “Good, that’s all I want.”

_ I love you,  _ he wanted to add but he bit his tongue, keeping the three words to himself. Instead he grabbed Benji’s hand and drew the words in it with his thumb. If Benji noticed, he didn’t say anything.

Victor looked at the time and realized they had to head back to the dock and leave for their second destination, so they paddled back and got off the boat.

“That was awesome! How did you know I’ve always wanted to do that?” Benji asked, full of giggles and excitement. Their hands dangled together in between them. 

Victor shrugged and smiled at him, not wanting to reveal it had just been luck. 

“Victor? Hi!” A brunette girl approached them.

Victor squinted his eyes, trying to remember who she was. He recognized her from his math class. “Hey, Violet.” He said, hoping he had gotten it right. She smiled at him.

Benji looked between them, trying to decide what to do. Violet looked at them expectantly.

“Um,” Victor cleared his throat after a prolonged silence. “This is my boyfriend, Benji. Benji, this is Violet from math.”

Violet giggled. “Yeah, I know who he is. I didn’t know you guys were together, I’ve heard the rumours but I wasn’t sure, y’know?”

Benji sensed Victor discomfort and stepped in. “Well, Violet, it was lovely to meet you but we are kind of in a rush. See you at school.”

“Okay, bye! It was nice running into you, you’re both really brave.” She gave them a clearly fake smile before they walked away.

“Brave?” Benji rolled his eyes once they were out of earshot.

Victor chuckled humorlessly. “I think she was just trying to be nice.”

They walked back to the car, Victor opened Benji’s door for him and waited for him to get in before walking around to the driver’s seat.

“Vic?” Benji gave him his cutest puppy eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Can you give me a clue?” He batted his eyelashes dramatically. “Pretty please?”

Victor turned on the car and pulled out of the parking lot, he bit his lip. “Nope, wait and see.” 

“What if I try to guess?”

“Okay, sure, go ahead. You only have 3 chances though.” Victor said, fully knowing he would probably not get it right.

Benji hummed along with the song on the radio, as he thought about it. “We’re going to the movies?”

“No.”

“Damn it.” Benji muttered. “We’re going bowling.”

“What? No.”

“I don’t know, I think it’d be fun, we should do it someday.” Benji shrugged.

“Alright, we’ll go bowling next time.” 

“Yay! Um, my last guess is… We’re going… To… The aquarium.” Benji said, already knowing he hadn’t guessed it right.

“So, the bad news is that you lost, you didn’t guess it right, sorry. The good news is that we’re here.” Victor said, looking at Benji sideways.

Benji looked out the window frowning. “What? What are we doing here? Is this a joke?”

“No, why would it be a joke, boo?” Victor turned bright red at the new nickname. Benji stared at him trying not to laugh. “Don’t. I know it’s bad. I was just trying it out.” 

They both chuckled and Benji put his arms up and made a ‘boo’ noise pretending to be a ghost.

“Stop it.” Victor said in between laughter. He got out of the car and Benji followed reluctantly.

“Okay, but seriously, why are we at school?” Benji asked.

“Do you trust me?” 

Benji nodded without hesitation. “One hundred percent.”

Victor grabbed Benji’s hand and they entered the vacant school, it seemed weird to be there with no other people around. They walked through the hallways, past the gym and the cafeteria, to the art classroom.

Victor opened the door and waited for Benji’s reaction. In the middle of the room there were a couple of potter’s wheels and a bunch of tools and different kinds of clay were on a table beside them.

Benji looked around with his mouth agape, “What is this?”

“Well, I know how much you love art and creating stuff and I just thought it would be nice for us to make something together,” Victor explained.

“Oh.” Benji stood in the middle of the room, he turned towards Victor and whispered, “I don’t even know what to say, this is… more than perfect.”

“Yeah?” Victor asked nervously, not knowing what to do of Benji’s reaction.

“Vic…” Benji walked up to Victor and threw his arms around him. “I- Thank you. I really lucked out with you, someone that actually listens to me and cares about my interests? Sounds like a dream.”

Victor frowned. “Benji, you deserve this and more.”

Benji shrugged still in Victor’s arms, “If you say so.”

“Hey, listen to me,” He grabbed Benji’s arms and made him look straight into his eyes. “I’m serious. You’re the most wonderful person I know, you deserve the world.”  _ and I love you. _

Benji smiled at him, “ _ You  _ are the most wonderful person I know.”

“Come on, what do you want to do?” Victor led Benji to the potter’s wheel and they both sat down around it.

“Oh god, I don’t even know where to start.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll teach you.”

“You know how to do pottery?” Benji asked sceptically.

“Yeah,” Victor shrugged. “I’m full of surprises.”

Mia and he had been staying after school every day that week, she had taught him the basics of pottery until he was ready to do the same for Benji. 

“Well, consider me surprised.” Benji rubbed his hands excitedly and tilted his head. “Can we make a little pot for my coffee plant? It needs a new one.”

Victor nodded, he grabbed some of the clay and positioned it on the center of the potter’s wheel making sure that it was firmly in place.

“Okay, so, we need to get this wet first. Come here,” Victor grabbed Benji’s hands and he submerged their hands in a bowl full of water. He then threw some of the water onto the clay and made sure that it was wet enough.

Benji bit his lip and stared at the blob of clay completely enamored by it, his eyes glistened with excitement and Victor decided right then and there that he’d do anything to keep that look on his face forever.

“Okay, that looks good, now we need to start shaping it, give me your hands again.” Victor guided his hands to the two points of pressure where they needed to be. “Okay, now press the pedal and it’ll start rotating, don’t move your hands, just apply a small amount of pressure where I put them, yeah?”

Benji nodded and pressed the pedal hesitantly, the wheel moved a little too slowly so Victor asked him to press the pedal a little harder, which Benji complied.

The clay started to change shape in their hands, dripping a little on them. Victor kept moving their hands to get the desired shape. 

When Victor plunged down into the clay, Benji’s mouth turned into an open mouthed smile, “Oh my god, this is so cool!”

Victor chuckled and shook his head. “God, I love you so much.”

Victor froze and Benji pressed his hand a little harder than intended making the clay collapse on itself. Neither of them cared.

“Oh my god. Did you mean that?” Benji asked quietly, his voice tinged with hope.

Victor looked at the mount of clay on his hands before nodding slowly. “Uh, you don’t have to say it back, I’m sorry.”

“Victor, I- I love you, too. I’m not just saying that, I promise.”

Victor looked up at Benji, his smile wider than ever. “I love you, babe.” His eyes widened. “Wait, I actually like that one. It suits you… babe.”

Benji closed his eyes and laughed, throwing his head backwards. Victor felt like screaming at the top of his lungs how much he loved his boyfriend.

“I love it. I love you.” Benji said, happily. Victor grabbed his face with both of his hands and kissed him, they were both smiling so much it was nearly impossible but none of them pulled away.

Victor looked at Benji and laughed, “Oh! I’m so sorry, babe.”

“What?”

“You have just a  _ little _ bit of clay on your face.” Victor said between giggles.

Benji didn’t attempt to wipe it off, he just shrugged. “Well, I’ve heard clay is great for your skin.”

Victor raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Yup.” Benji raised his hand to Victor’s cheek and wiped some of the clay on him. “For your skin.” He explained, biting his lip.

Victor stared at him in shock, before grabbing some of the destroyed clay and trying to smear it on Benji’s forehead. Benji attempted to dodge it but it ended up all over his hair.

Victor covered his mouth, getting more of the clay on his own face. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Oh you didn’t mean to do that? I guess it’s okay then.” Benji said sarcastically. He threw some of the clay at Victor and they both ran around the classroom, clay flying everywhere.

“Truce!” Victor shouted eventually, “Don’t you need a pot? If we run out of clay we won’t be able to make it.”

Benji looked at the clay on his hands and attempted to put it back on the wheel. “Fine.”

They sat back down and Victor fixed a bit of the mess they had made, he grabbed Benji’s hands again and directed his movements in order to create the small pot he wanted, he taught him how to use some of the tools and Benji paid close attention the whole time. They ended up making two pots and Benji promised to get Victor a coffee plant for his.

“Okay, do you want to paint them?” Victor asked once they were done.

“Not really, I like them just like this.” Benji shrugged. “Wait, I just had an idea.” He grabbed some of the paints and brushes and got to work. Victor just let him do his thing, choosing to stare at him dreamily instead.

Benji smiled at him mischievously. “They’re done.” He turned them around and showed Victor.

Benji had scribbled both of his names along with the date in cursive on both of them, Victor couldn’t help the big smile taking over his face.

“They’re perfect!” Victor exclaimed. 

“They really are. I’m so happy, my coffee plant will be so happy.” Benji stood up and walked around, stretching his legs. “This was so much fun, love.” 

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, and now we’ll have our little pots to remember this day by.” Victor said, before walking over to Benji and putting his arms around his neck; Benji put his arms around his waist and kissed him.

* * *

> **Benji Campbell❤️:** Thank you for today, I love you!!! <3 <3
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** I love you, babe! <3 <3 <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so cheesy, I'm a little embarrased but hey, I just wanted a nice little date for the boys!   
> Just a quick note: I'm aware that pottery takes way longer and needs to be in the kiln for hours and such, just ignore it and humour me with this, let me have this Ghost moment and imagine Unchained Melody on the background the whole time, please and thank you <3 <3 <3


	22. Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Victor, shoot him!” Lake screamed._   
>  _Victor ignored her and just kept his gun pointed at Benji._
> 
> The gang goes to play paintball and The Sticky Beaks have their first gig with Nora

**CHAPTER 22**

Victor walked down the hallway with a spring in his step after his last exam of the school year, he felt glad that it was over and he felt ready for the summer break. He spotted Lake walking towards him and waited for her.

“So, apparently we’ve forgiven you because Mia is too good for this world.” Lake started. “So she asked me to tell you, and I’m only doing this for her, that you’re invited to play paintball with us on Friday after school to celebrate the end of the school year.”

Victor felt a wave of excitement take over him. “Yeah, I’m in. Sounds fun.”

“Good…” Lake faltered for a second before adding: “You can invite Benji and Pilar, too. The more the merrier.”

“Who’s going?”

“Felix, Mia, Andrew, and you, so far.” 

“Cool, I’ll let Benji and Pilar know.” 

“Cool.” Lake waved at him and walked away. 

Victor kept walking to his next class, wanting more than ever for the week to be over. Good thing that his next class was Spanish and he got to be with Benji because otherwise, he would just explode.

He entered the classroom and Benji was already there, saving a seat beside him for Victor.

“Hey, babe.” Victor greeted him before sitting down. “So, Lake invited us to play paintball this Friday after school, are you in?”

“Yeah!” Benji said immediately. “Who else is going?”

“Lake, Mia, Felix, Andrew, you, and me. Maybe Pilar but I’ll have to ask her.” Victor told him.

“Yeah, okay, sounds like a plan!” Benji smiled at him. “Oh, before I forget, how many-”

“Silencio, clase!” Their Spanish teacher, Mr. Barton, said loudly from his desk at the front of the classroom.

Benji immediately stopped talking and sat down correctly on his desk. Victor watched him as he ripped a piece of paper from his notebook and scribbled something down before folding it and discreetly passing the piece of paper to him.

Victor opened it, making sure that Mr. Barton wasn’t paying attention to him.

_ don’t forget this Sunday is our first gig with Nora, you will be able to make it, right? _

Victor wrote his answer down and passed the note back to Benji.

_ of course! <3 I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Besides, it’ll be my first pride event, I’m really excited _

Victor observed Benji as he read the note, his boyfriend smiled at him before jotting his answer on the paper and giving it back to him.

“Página 78, y vamos a leer en voz alta.” Mr. Barton instructed. Both Benji and Victor opened their books on the indicated page. Victor hid the note on the book and read it.

_ okay, good. I really want you there, I need my number one fan at the front row <3 <3 <3 _

Victor bit his lip, trying to contain his smile.

_ is that all I am to you? a groupie? _

He slid the piece of paper back to Benji careful not to be caught by their teacher.

“Mr. Salazar, por favor comience a leer el capítulo.” Mr. Barton asked.

Victor started reading aloud with ease and as soon as he finished and Mr. Barton went on to the next person, Benji gave him the paper back with an answer.

_ well, as Lady Gaga would say “I live for the applause, applause, applause” _

Victor read the paper and tried to hide his giggles.

_ Okay, weirdo, I’ll be there with the whole fam cheering loudly <3  _

Victor was about to pass the note back to him when Mr. Barton asked Benji to read aloud next, so he waited patiently for him to read his paragraph and then gave Benji the paper. 

_ Thanks, love! <3 Also, let me know how many tickets you’ll need! _

Benji tried to give him back the paper but it fell to the floor; Mr. Barton almost caught them but Victor managed to hide it on time.

_ Ah, right! It’s just going to be me, my mom, and Pilar. Adrian is staying over with /him/. _

Victor was still coming to terms with his dad’s absence from his life, but lately, he just felt weird mentioning him and Benji was aware so they just referred to Armando as  _ him _ .

_ okay, I’ll get you three tickets, then! Nora told me Simon and Bram will be in town so they’ll be coming, too. Should be fun. _

Victor had been talking to all of the New York gang so he already knew of this, not all of them were coming back, only Simon and Bram, but it was still really exciting to see them again.

_ yeah, I’m really excited about that but I’m more excited to see you perform. I’m sorry I couldn’t go to your rehearsals :( it seems like the universe was conspiring against me. _

Benji smirked and jotted down something before sending the piece of paper flying back to Victor.

Victor caught it with ease and opened it up. 

_ well, I love the universe because now I get to surprise you. <3 <3 <3 _

Victor scribbled down an answer and slid it back to Benji.

_ I can’t wait <3 _

* * *

Victor tapped his feet impatiently against his desk’s leg, he kept trying not to look at the clock but still found himself sneaking glances at it and waiting for the final bell that’d signal the end of the school year.

Ms. Thomas sat silently at the front of the classroom, reading ‘All The Bright Places’ in silence, all of the students were fidgeting and talking in whispers, waiting for their last class of the year to be over.

“Why the hell are you wearing so many layers of clothing?” Victor whispered to Felix. “It’s 80 degrees outside.”

“It’s for protection,” Felix explained.

Victor frowned. “What?”

“The more layers between me and the paintballs, the better. What if I get a paintball to the groin? I can’t become nostones, lonestone was already bad enough.”

Victor chuckled quietly and patted him on the back. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“How can you be so sure? I think I might throw up. Oh god, what if Lake breaks up with me?” Felix whispered in a frenzy.

“What? Why would she break up with you?”

“Aren’t you listening? Once my nickname changes to nostones it’ll be too much for her. She’s barely getting used to dating lonestone, she will never date nostones.”

“Felix, calm down. It’s going to be fine. If it makes you feel better, I’ll be on your team and we’ll have each other’s backs.”

Felix nodded, still looking frazzled. “Yeah, okay, but we also need Andrew on our team-”

“No way, Mia will never allow th-”

“That’s the only way to save me from total damnation!”

Ms. Thomas looked up from her book and stared at them. “Shh!” 

They both nodded slowly and shrank a little on their seats.

“Felix,” Victor lowered his voice. “I promise it’s going to be okay. Calm down.”

“How do you know?”

“Lake won’t break up with you, she really likes you. I can see that.” Victor said firmly. “And Andrew is our friend now, plus he’s with Mia and she’ll never let him hurt you. There won’t be any new nicknames or… paintballs to the groin.”

Felix crossed his arms. “I hope you’re right.”

Victor shook his head with a quiet laugh and jumped when the bell rang. Everyone around them cheered and papers flew everywhere. A stampede of teens overtook the halls of Creekwood High, you could feel the whole building vibrating with excitement.

Felix and Victor grabbed their stuff and walked out of the classroom to find Lake and Benji already there, waiting for them.

Felix squealed and threw his arms around Lake, earning a chuckle from her.

Benji waved at Victor, a smile playing on his lips. “Hey, love. Ready?”

Victor felt his heart doing somersaults inside his chest, threatening to jump out. “Yeah.” He said before grabbing Benji’s hand. “Let’s go.”

* * *

The paintball facility was huge; it was divided into several sections, both indoors and outdoors. They chose to play at one of the outdoors’ maps since it was bigger, full of obstacles and hiding places; all made out of wood, metal and old car parts, and tires.

They were given a coverall and gear upon arrival, everyone huddled up to get ready and slipped into the coverall on top of their clothing. Felix jumped around struggling to put it on.

“Why are you wearing so many layers, dude?” Andrew asked before putting on his helmet.

“It’s for protect-” He managed to exclaim before getting his leg caught and falling to the floor with a thud. “-ion.”

“Are you okay?” Mia asked.

Felix stood up with a big smile on his face. “I’m more than okay, that barely hurt, my layers work!” 

Victor chuckled and helped Benji zip his coverall up.

“Be honest, love. How does my butt look in this?” Benji asked and twirled around.

“Looking good, Benji,” Lake smirked.

“Hey!” Felix and Victor both exclaimed at the same time. Benji attempted to hide his smile.

“What? He does.” Lake shrugged.

Victor rolled his eyes and turned back to face Benji. “She’s right, you do look amazing.”

“Thanks,” Benji said quietly and looked at his boyfriend up and down. “You, too. Camo is not it, but you make it work.”

Victor tilted his head and smiled at him.

“So, let’s choose our teams,” Mia said walking to the middle of their circle. “I think it’d be fair for both me and Lake to be team captains.”

All the guys shrugged in agreement.

“Alright, Lake, come on.” They stood facing each other and put their hands forward. “Rock, Paper, Scissors.”

“Rock, Paper, Scissors.” Lake chanted at the same time. Lake won with paper against Mia’s rock.

“I choose first,” Lake said proudly. Mia rolled her eyes but stepped aside. “Andrew, you’re on my team.”

Mia gasped quietly. “Seriously?”

“Sorry, I want to win.” Lake shrugged.

“Fine, then I choose Felix,” Mia said crossing her arms. Felix chuckled and didn’t move. “Felix? Come on, you’re on my team.”

“Oh, you’re serious?” He asked.

Mia looked at him exasperated. “Yes, I’m serious, come one.”

Felix jogged to his place beside Mia. “Woah, I’m always the last one to be chosen.”

“Well, she chose my boyfriend. I’m choosing hers.” Mia shrugged.

“That’s fine by me, I choose Victor next,” Lake smirked. Victor raised his eyebrows before walking up to her. “Don’t look so shocked, I need the two most athletic guys in the group in order to win this.”

“Whatever, Benji, Felix, and I will annihilate you guys,” Mia said. “We might not be the fastest or the strongest, but we are the smartest, baby. We’re going to win this.”

“Hey! I’m pretty strong.” Benji pouted. “I work out.”

“Bring it on,” Lake exclaimed, ignoring Benji.

“Wait, let’s make this even more interesting,” Andrew smirked. “The losers have to take their respective partners to dinner.”

“Deal,” Mia said, ignoring her teammates’ protests.

Everyone put on their helmets and glasses. The person that was helping them gave them a flag for each team and proceeded to explain the game.

“Gather ‘round, kids. The game begins when I say ‘Game On’, both teams have a flag they must hide in their zone. The point of the game is finding and retrieving the other team’s flag. Once you get shot, you need to raise your arms and go to your team’s base. You can keep having new rounds as long as you still have paintballs. And as soon as I say ‘Game Over’ you need to cease the fire and retreat to your team’s zone. Understood?”

They all nodded and each team went to their zones to hide their flags.

Once they were ready, the two teams went to their respective bases.

“Alright, I’m not playing around, we need to win this. Understood?” Lake said firmly.

Both Andrew and Victor nodded nervously. Lake squinted her eyes and pointed her finger at them. “Here’s the plan: Andrew, you will take them out while Victor covers me and I get to their zone. Once we’re in, if Andrew has done his work right, they should all be gone and we can get the flag. Got it?”

Victor gulped, suddenly full of adrenaline and excitement. “Let’s do this.”

* * *

“Okay, nerds. This is a game of strategy, do not be intimidated by their muscles and strength, we can easily win this.” Mia said.

Felix nodded. “Hell yeah!”

“Well, yeah but we’re also pretty strong, I could take Andrew…”

“Yeah…” Mia bit her lip and looked away.

“This is just like Settlers of Catan, as long as we have a good strategy we’ll be able to conquer!” Felix said.

Mia gave him a look. “Sure. So, if I know them as well as I think I do, they’ll start attacking us immediately, but we won’t allow that.” Mia smirked. “Benji, you and I will approach their zone stealthily, try not to be spotted, we need to use our size to our advantage.”

“Yeah!” Benji said before realizing what she had said. “Hey! I’m not that small.”

“You’re small enough! So, identify key hiding spots and make a plan to get over there. I’ll go through the left side and you can go through the right.”

“Fine,” Benji said begrudgingly.

“Felix, how good is your aim?” Mia asked, turning to him.

“Uh...”

“Okay, just don’t stop moving and protect the flag, alright?”

“Alright! I’ll protect it with my life, if they want to take it, they’ll have to go through me first.” Felix gave her a mock salute.

* * *

“Teams to your bases. Game On!”

Victor and Lake crouched down into position and he made sure his gun was ready to be fired. Andrew stayed hidden behind one of the wooden structures.

“Okay, go, go, go!” Andrew urged them.

Lake and Victor kept their backs to each other and walked toward their enemies’ zone going from cover to cover, not spotting any of the members from the other team.

“Where are they?” Lake whispered loudly.

“I have no idea, I haven’t heard any shots being fired.” 

Victor could hear his heartbeat loudly in his ears, a rush of adrenaline pumping all throughout him. He kept his eyes open, ready to attack.

He heard a branch crunching nearby and flinched at the sound, he pointed his gun towards the sound. Lake seemed to hear it, too, immediately looking around in alert.

“If Andrew doesn’t take them out soon… I swear to god.” Lake huffed.

They heard shots being fired and ran for cover in opposite directions. Victor was on his own.

“Damn it, Lake. This was not the plan.” He muttered once he found shelter. He looked around at his new surroundings, trying to spot anyone, either from his team or the others.

There was a flash to his left and he blankly aimed towards it and fired. Victor didn’t look back as he ran across the field, looking for a new place to hide.

A set of paintballs followed him, he could hear the shots behind him and his legs burned with the effort but he didn’t stop. Once he found cover, he checked on himself, there were little splatters of paint on his coverall but no shots had hit him.

He was about to sigh in relief when he spotted Mia aiming her gun towards him, hiding behind a tree. _ Pop, pop, pop, pop. _ Victor barely had time to curl in on himself before a rainbow of paint covered him. 

Mia ran quickly away from him, going to hide at another location. It took Victor a few moments to recover, but once he did, he put his arms up indicating he had been shot, and walked to his team’s base. 

Andrew was there, sitting down with paint all over his chest and a scowl on his face.

“Hey, Mia took me out,” Victor explained.

A ghost of a smile appeared on Andrew’s face. “Of course she did.”

“Who shot you?”

Andrew mumbled something unintelligible.

“What?” Victor asked.

“Felix shot me.” He muttered, looking everywhere but at Victor.

Victor pursed his lips trying not to laugh.

“I don’t even know how he did it, he was so far away.” Andrew shook his head. “It must have been luck, that shot was nearly impossible.”

They stayed silent for a moment before several gunshots were heard followed by Lake screaming. Victor leaned his head backward. “She is going to kill us.”

“Yeah.” Andrew sighed with resignation.

* * *

“What do you mean there’s a tie?!” Lake shrieked.

“There cannot be a tie!” Mia exclaimed at the same time.

They had played 4 rounds already and were currently tied, 2 games won by each team.

“Quickly, who has any paintballs left?” Lake asked everyone.

Andrew shook his head no, Victor showed her the three he had left, Benji had one left, and so did Felix. Mia had two left and Lake five.

“There are twelve paintballs left. Let’s distribute them, each of us gets two.” Lake said while handing out her paintballs.

“Let’s do a tie-breaker. Whoever wins this round is the ultimate winner.” Mia agreed.

“With only two paintballs? That’s insane,” Victor whined.

“Well, I suggest you don’t waste them,” Mia said with a shrug.

The teams went to their positions at their respective bases.

“Okay, we have to think before shooting, we don’t want a repeat from the last game.” She said looking pointedly at Victor who had shot her by mistake on the last round. 

Victor winced. “Sorry. Don’t sneak on me next time.”

“I think we should go all out, let’s just run for our lives to their zone and retrieve that freaking flag.” Lake proposed fiercely.

“Fine, I just want this to be over,” Andrew rolled his eyes.

“Game On!” They heard the scream indicating the game had begun.

“Let’s go,” Victor said, he crouched down and went to the left side of the field, tip-toeing around and trying to blend with his surroundings.

He spotted Andrew running down the center of their zone, not caring to take cover because he was easily spottable anyway. He had a good view of the field from where he stood, so he managed to see Mia waiting for Andrew behind a small mountain of tires.

He was about to scream for Andrew to watch out when Mia did a forward-roll and attacked him. Andrew had been ready though, so he attacked her at the same time, and they both raised their arms in defeat.

“One down. Two to go.” Victor sighed. He threw himself to the ground and crawled to the next cover.

He made eye contact with Lake before she raised her gun and pointed it towards a clueless Felix, Victor winced as the paintball missed him. Felix jumped and turned towards Lake, raising his gun in her direction but not spotting her yet.

Lake cursed under her breath and aimed towards Felix again, she pressed the trigger and screamed when a paintball hit her out of nowhere at the same time.

Victor looked around for Lake’s attacker and spotted Benji a few meters away from him. They made eye-contact and raised their guns against each other.

Lake and Felix both raised their arms in defeat. 

“Victor, shoot him!” Lake screamed.

Victor ignored her and just kept his gun pointed at Benji.

Benji lowered his gun and raised his free hand. “Hey, love.” He said slowly, trying not to startle his boyfriend.

“Don’t ‘hey, love’ me,” Victor said without lowering his gun but taking his finger off the trigger.

Benji laughed softly. “I can’t believe we are the last two standing. We’re single-handedly stopping the ‘bury your gays’ trope.”

Victor tried to mask his laugh with a cough.

“I really don’t want to shoot you,” Victor admitted, lowering his gun just a couple of inches.

Benji walked slowly towards him, his arm still raised. “Yeah, me neither.”

“What the hell are you guys doing?” Felix shouted from his position next to Lake. Both ignored him.

Benji sat down next to Victor. “Would they make us play another round if we just refuse to kill each other?”

“I don’t think so, we don’t have enough paintballs left.” Victor tried to count how many they had left but gave up.

Benji pushed his shoulder against Victor’s, “This is just like the Hunger Games, I’m Katniss, of course.”

“I think you have Peeta’s artistic abilities. And I have better aim. I should be Katniss.”

“Victor, what the hell? Shoot him!” Lake screamed. Again, they ignored her.

“Fine. Makes sense.” Benji sighed. “Should we pretend we’re about to eat the paintballs? We don’t have any poisonous berries.”

Victor made a face. “Let’s just scream that it’s a tie.”

“Okay, I guess that works, too.”

Victor tossed his gun to the side and showed his hands to Benji, “Let’s do it.”

Victor could see Benji smirking through his headgear, he barely had any time to react before Benji grabbed his gun in a swift motion and shot him with his last paintball, hitting him on the leg.

“You traitor!” Victor cried out.

“Sorry! I had to prove that we could beat you!” Benji said, already running away towards Victor’s team zone to retrieve their flag. 

“That wasn’t fair!” Victor screamed.

“All’s fair in love and war, love!” Benji shouted back.

“Don’t ‘love’ me, you ass,” Victor muttered before raising his arms in defeat.

* * *

“I can’t believe you let him trick you,” Lake said, crossing her arms.

The six paint-splattered teens were changing out of their coveralls and pads, three of them looking defeated and the other three dancing around and basking on their win.

“Told you we were going to win, you should have let me pick Andrew.” Mia shrugged.

“Well, in my defense, I had no idea Benji was such a little cheat!” Lake exclaimed.

“I didn’t cheat!”

“He didn’t cheat.” Felix and Mia said at the same time.

“And I didn’t know that Felix had such good aim.” Lake frowned.

“If it makes you feel better,” Felix started. “I didn’t know either.”

“Don’t be a sore loser, Lake,” Andrew said. “They won and we have to buy them dinner, it’s fine.”

Lake opened her mouth to say something before regretting it and frowning instead. “Fine, whatever.”

Victor watched as Benji finished getting out of his gear, his hands and a bit of his face were still covered in neon paint.

“If Lake ends up murdering me, I hope you know it’s on you,” Victor whispered to him, feigning anger.

Benji saw right through his act and chuckled. “I take full responsibility. I’m sorry for tricking you but you had more paintballs than me and I freaked out.”

“It’s okay, you can admit that you just wanted me to pay for our next date.” Victor joked.

“You got me.” Benji winked at him.

* * *

“Stop moving, Victor!” Pilar admonished him.

“Sorry,” Victor whispered. “Is it almost done?”

“Almost, now shut up.” She squinted her eyes and stuck out her tongue, fully concentrated on the task at hand. She applied some finishing touches before taking a step back and admiring her work. “Okay, done.”

Victor turned around to face the mirror in Pilar’s room and stared at himself, a glittery rainbow adorned his cheek, the same one Pilar had on hers.

“Wow, it looks awesome!” Victor said, unable to look away from his reflection. “Thank you, Pilar.”

“Should I add more glitter?” Pilar mused out loud.

“No, it’s perfect. I love it.”

Pilar smiled a little and nodded. “You should go see if mom’s ready, we need to leave soon.”

Victor stood up and hugged his sister before leaving the room and going to look for Isabel.

“Mami? Are you ready to go?” Victor asked, looking at his mom impatiently. She was sitting on her bed, holding a box in her hands.

“Almost,” Isabel said.

“Almost?” Victor repeated.

“Come here, mi cielo,” Isabel said and tapped on the bed beside her, Victor walked into the room and sat down, his legs moving up and down impatiently. “This is for you.” She placed the box on his lap.

Victor stared at it surprised. “What is it?”

“Well, open it and you’ll see.” 

Victor opened it slowly, not sure of what to expect. A soft fabric slipped out of it; and Victor grabbed it between his hands, looking at it through teary eyes.

“Do you like it?” Isabel asked nervously.

“Mom…” Victor took a deep breath, not wanting to ruin his makeup with tears. “It’s… Thank you, it’s perfect. I love you so much. Thank you.”

Isabel fanned her face with her hands, not wanting to cry either. “I’m glad you liked it. Benji helped me pick it out.”

“He did?” Victor asked, his voice shaking with emotion. He looked at the fabric in his hands, a simple white t-shirt with a pride flag embroidered on the breast pocket. 

“Yeah,” Isabel nodded. “He’s a really good kid… Which is why I made a poster for him.” She grabbed a big piece of paper from behind her and showed it proudly to Victor.

‘The Sticky Beaks’ was written in neon rainbow colored letters, each of them carefully written with acrylic paint and coated with glitter.

“He’s going to love it.” Victor felt his heart swelling. He hugged his mom tightly, overwhelmed with love for her. “Thank you, mami.”

* * *

Victor stood on his tip-toes and craned forward to look through the crowd; an ocean of rainbows and flags surrounded him. A hand on his shoulder startled him and he turned to see Simon and Bram followed by Simon’s parents.

Simon was wearing a tie-dye rainbow t-shirt with jeans and red converse while Bram wore a gray wide neck sweatshirt with a rainbow stripe going across it and through the sleeves, black joggers, and white sneakers. There were big chunks of rainbow glitter all over Bram’s hair and face.

“Victor!” Simon exclaimed gleefully. “We were looking for you everywhere.”

“Hey, guys!” Victor screamed and hugged them, he had missed them. “ You look amazing!”

Bram twirled. “Thank you! Likewise, I love your makeup!”

“Thanks! Pilar helped me with it,” He put his hands under his chin and batted his eyelashes. As if on cue, Pilar and Isabel appeared right beside him. “Guys, these are my mom and my sister. Mom, Pilar, these are Simon and Bram.”

Bram curtsied and Simon waved. “Pleasure to finally meet you!”

Emily and Jack Spier were also introduced and the parents started talking amongst themselves. Simon, Bram, Pilar, and Victor made their way through the crowd to the front of the stage in order to watch The Sticky Beaks’ performance.

Simon and Bram had bought small pride flags for the four of them and they gave them to both Pilar and Victor as soon as they reached the front of the crowd.

“Have you seen Benji or Nora?” Simon asked.

“No, they’ve been here all day doing sound checks and had to stay backstage until after their set. They should be able to come out right after though!”

Simon nodded and directed his attention to the stage. The band currently playing finished their set earning a wave of applause and screams.

“Happy Pride everyone! Our next performers are a local up and coming band, let’s give it up for The Sticky Beaks!”

Benji, Nora, Sabrina, and the infamous Jamie entered the stage, greeted with more enthusiastic cheers. Benji ran to the center of the stage and grabbed the microphone while Nora, Sabrina, and Jamie settled behind their instruments.

Victor put his hands around his mouth and screamed loudly. Benji was wearing a loose tank top with a UFOs rainbow beams design, black joggers with a rainbow stripe down the sides, white sneakers, and a rainbow bandana keeping his hair back.

“Hello,” Benji started, “is everyone having a good time?” 

The crowd screamed something completely unintelligible and Benji chuckled. 

“I’m glad, that’s what today is all about!” He paused briefly before continuing, “Coming out for me was not easy, there were so many times I felt angry and… lost, but being here today, surrounded by my community makes it all worth it… We hope you enjoy what we’ve prepared for you today!”

Jamie started playing a familiar tune on the keyboard at the same time Benji started singing, and soon after Sabrina and Nora joined, the crowd screamed the lyrics of ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ by Queen along with Benji.

Victor jumped up and down, singing loudly and not caring about the people around him pushing him against the fence that separated them from the stage.

At some point, Emily, Jack, and Isabel joined them; Isabel raised her poster above her head and shook it along with the music.

Halfway through the song, Benji kneeled down and reached out his hand to the crowd, his hand found Victor’s for a couple of seconds and he squished it; a bolt of electricity coursed through Victor’s arm.

Benji moved swiftly across the stage, connecting with the crowd and singing his heart out. Victor had never seen him more on his element than at that moment.

Nora, Sabrina, and Jamie sang the harmonies flawlessly, Victor could see how much their rehearsals were paying off. It all seemed effortless.

Simon filmed the whole thing with his phone, a proud smile on his face.

“I don’t wanna stop at all! Yeah!” Benji finished the song with a flourish. “Thank you, everyone! You’re such a good crowd! This next song is for all of you!”

Benji grabbed his acoustic guitar and put the strap on his shoulders. Sabrina and Nora got closer to their respective mics and began vocalizing a melody and snapping their fingers to the rhythm. Jamie played a simple melody on the keyboard.

Benji started singing with his eyes closed. “And I can’t change, even if I try, even if I wanted to.” He opened his eyes and made eye-contact with Victor. “My love, my love, my love.”

Everyone started playing their instruments, including Benji this time. Victor recognized the song; Benji had been listening to it non-stop in the prior weeks, he braced himself to hear Benji rapping. 

“When I was in the 3rd grade I thought that I was gay…” Benji sang softly, surprising Victor, they had changed the rap to singing and it sounded surprisingly nice.

Everyone raised their hands and moved them to the song’s rhythm, Bram got his phone out and turned on the flashlight, a few people followed his lead.

“No freedom 'til we're equal, damn right I support it.” Benji sang, his voice full of emotion. “And I can’t change…”

Victor sang the chorus of the song loudly; he could see Pilar singing it, too, bopping her head along with the music, waving the flag Simon had given her. He felt so lucky that she was his sister; he put his arms around her shoulders and they moved from side to side, singing the lyrics right back to Benji.

“She keeps me warm…” Benji sang; the rest of the band joined and the four of them sang: “My love, my love, my love.”

“I had no idea he was such a good singer,” Isabel whispered to Victor. He turned to look at her and smiled, a sense of pride expanding on his chest.

“This has been so much fun, we’re so happy to be here!” Benji exclaimed, before grabbing a bottle of water and gulping it down quickly. “Our next and last song is very special to me, I danced to this with my boyfriend months ago, when we were just friends.”

Victor felt his heart racing and all his blood rushing to his face; Benji looked at him with an excited smile on his face.

“That day, I went home and immediately started working on a cover for it. I told myself it was just a really good song but, in reality, I just wanted to have something to remember that day by. Something that represented… us. This is for you, Vic.”

Isabel squealed behind Victor and hugged him, “Ay mi vida, this is so romantic! Right out of a movie.”

Victor was speechless, he had never asked Benji about the song. He had sort of convinced himself that it had just been a coincidence, but how could it be? Benji had arranged that cover just for him.

Benji started playing the guitar softly, just how Victor remembered it. He felt glad that Simon had been recording the whole thing because he never wanted to forget this moment, this feeling.

“I threw a wish in the well, don’t ask me I’ll never tell.” Benji began singing softly, a strand of his long hair sticking to his forehead. Victor wanted to climb on stage and pull it back into place, instead, he stayed rooted to the spot and whispered the lyrics that he knew by heart.

“Isn’t this that song you used to dance to when you were little?” Isabel asked. “I remember all that spinning and rump-shaking, you were hilarious.”

Victor chuckled. If only he had known back then how much this song would end up meaning to him.

“Your stare was holdin'; ripped jeans, skin was showin'; hot night, wind was blowin'. Where you think you're going, baby?” Benji sang, not looking away from Victor. 

“Hey, I just met you and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe?” The crowd sang along with Benji. He winked at Victor at the end of the chorus and Victor decided right then and there that he was, indeed, a groupie.

Victor had never been more proud of calling Benji his boyfriend; he screamed loudly, trying to get it out of his system and also create more noise for The Sticky Beaks. Pilar stared at him but joined him soon after, both of them screaming their lungs off.

Simon placed his free hand on Victor’s shoulder before saying: “Guys, I love the energy but please shut up or this recording will just be of the two of you screaming.”

* * *

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop being impressed by how confident and relaxed Nora looks onstage,” Simon says, looking through the pictures and video he took.

“I’m so proud of her,” Bram put his arm around Simon and sighed. “Remember when she surprised you at her first gig with Emoji? She’s come so far.”

A pair of arms surrounded Victor from behind and lifted him for a few seconds before putting him down, Victor turned around and crashed his lips against Benji’s. 

“You were so amazing, babe!” Victor gushed, pressing his forehead against Benji’s.

“Were you surprised?” Benji said with the ghost of a smirk on his mouth. 

Victor nodded. “Not by your talent though, I already knew you’d be amazing. I was just surprised when you sang ‘Call Me Maybe’ and dedicated it to me.”

“Well, it’s our song! Was that okay? I should have asked you…”

“It was perfect, I loved it… I love you.” 

“Okay, good. I love you.” Benji kissed him again. He pressed his thumb softly against the rainbow on Victor’s face. “I love this, you look so good.”

“Thank you, you look very cute yourself.” 

Pilar cleared her throat beside them. “Congratulations, B. I have to admit that that was pretty cool.”

“Thanks, Pilar!” Benji said before hugging her. Pilar returned the hug, looking just mildly annoyed.

“Anyway… Would you teach me how to play guitar? I’ve been trying to figure it out but-”

“Sure!” Benji said quickly. “I’d love to.”

Isabel put her arm around her daughter. “I’m still upset that you’d rather play guitar than piano.”

Pilar rolled her eyes. 

“Thanks for coming to this, it was really nice seeing you in the audience. And that poster is incredible.” Benji said, pointing to the poster on Isabel’s hand.

“You like it?” Isabel looked at her poster, frowning. “I wanted to come up with a pun but it was just not working, we should discuss changing your band’s name because ‘The Sticky Beaks’ is just not very pun friendly.”

Nora, Sabrina, and Jamie arrived next. Nora was laughing with Jamie and Victor had never been more confused.

Victor threw his arms around Sabrina. “You are so cool, ‘Brina! That was awesome!”

“Thank you, love,” Sabrina answered in a fake British accent, mocking Benji’s nickname for Victor.

“Oh no, you didn’t,” Benji said slowly, Sabrina immediately ran away and Benji took off behind her, both of them squealing and laughing.

“Hey, um, thank you for coming,” Jamie said to Victor awkwardly.

Victor raised his eyebrows. “Uh, sure. You guys were great.” He said politely.

Victor let Simon, Bram, and the Spiers hug and congratulate Nora before walking towards her and hugging her.

“You’re a freaking rockstar, Nora Spier!”

Nora laughed. “Thank you, Vic!”

“Now, tell me… What’s going on? Are you friends with Jamie now?” Victor whispered to her. “I thought he hated you. Us.”

“Oh! Um, yeah, it’s… um.” Nora stumbled over her words. “Come on, let’s go get some kettle popcorn and I’ll explain.”

“We’ll be right back!” Victor told everyone and walked away with Nora.

“So…” Victor prompted.

“I don’t know… Last week, I was waiting for my dad to pick me up after rehearsal but he got a flat tire. So, I was stuck at Creekwood and Jamie felt bad leaving me alone so he stayed with me and we talked…”

They reached the front of the line and ordered 3 bags, Victor grabbed two of them and Nora got the remaining one.

“Turns out he wasn’t even aware of the full story, he has just known Derek since they were kids and wanted to be there for him. I told him what had happened and he seemed legitimately angry at Derek.”

“Huh,” Victor said.

“I don’t know. He seems really nice and sweet now that he knows what happened.”

Victor tried to hide his conflicted emotions. “Um, okay, well… I trust you and your judgment…”

“As you should.”

They arrived back to the group and Victor gave Benji one of the popcorn bags, “Hey, I bought you these.”

“Thanks!” Benji grabbed the bag and kissed Victor’s cheek.

“So we were just talking, I invited everyone over to our house for dinner,” Isabel said. 

Benji put his arm around Victor. “Are you okay with all of us going?”

Victor nodded and looked around at the group, everyone had helped him get to where he was now at some point or another. He had lost some members of his family throughout the past few months, but he had gained so many more: Simon and Bram guiding and helping him, Nora always willing to listen, the Spiers offering their unwavering support, and Benji, Benji who stood by his side patiently and never pressured him for anything.

He loved them all so much, they were his family, alongside Felix, Lake, Mia, and even Andrew. 

He had been telling himself he would be fine someday, everyday it was the first thing that went through his mind.  _ I’ll be fine.  _ But that day, Victor felt like he could finally breathe. He wouldn’t be fine because he  _ already _ was. 

“Hey, love? You okay?” Benji whispered to him.

Victor smiled at him. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs that The Sticky Beaks played are (in order):  
> -Don't Stop Me Now by Queen  
> -Same Love by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis ft Mary Lambert (Kodaline version)  
> -Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen (Love, Victor's version, ofc)


	23. Happiness

Victor looked out the window; it was raining. Pretty ironic for the last day of summer break.

As much as Victor tried to hold on to it, the summer came and went, slipping right through his fingers. Most days were spent with Benji, some days were spent with the whole gang, an entire week was spent with the New York gang, a few others with his family. 

He was rarely alone, which he felt grateful for. Most days he felt fine, he barely thought about his father or his grandparents, but it was in those few and far in between quiet moments where he found himself missing them, thinking about them.

“Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene…” Benji sang quietly. “Please don’t take him even though you can… Jolene, Jolene...” He looked up at Pilar. “Okay, did you see that? Now join in, we’ll go a little slower.”

Pilar sighed with annoyance. “I don’t understand why I have to learn this song, first. You promised to teach me how to play ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’.”

“Well, yeah, and I will… But first, you need to learn the classics.” Benji shrugged and strummed his guitar. “Plus this song is only three chords, ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ is a bit more ambitious.”

“If I hear the name Jolene one more time…”

Benji pouted. “Vic, back me up on this one. Your sister has no taste at all.”

Victor didn’t move, still staring intently out the window. Benji called out his name again. “Vic?”

“Victor, tell him his country music sucks.”

“Vic!” Benji said a little louder.

“What?” Victor jerked around. He shook his head. “Sorry, I was- Nevermind, what’s up?”

Pilar huffed. “I’m done playing Jolene, Benji!”

Benji gasped dramatically. “Rude!”

“Whatever. I need a breather, I’m going to get a snack.” Pilar rolled her eyes and walked away.

Benji stood up, walked up to Victor, and put his arms around his waist. He kissed his cheek and said against it: “You okay? You seemed far away.”

“I’m fine, just thinking,” Victor answered softly. “I haven’t tried calling my dad in weeks. I guess I was just wondering if… I don’t know, I just… I miss him sometimes.”

Benji held him tighter and got on his tip-toes to kiss Victor’s head. “I’m so sorry, love.”

Victor bumped his nose against Benji’s. “I’m excited to meet your parents, though.” 

Benji closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, should be fun.”

“Don’t look so excited.” Victor joked. “Fun fact about me: I’m great with parents. In fact, I’m so good they will want to adopt me by the end of dinner. The tough part will be telling them I’m not up for adoption.”

Benji chuckled softly, “It’s not you I’m worried about.” He sighed. “They are great parents, I have no complaints at all. It’s just… They can be weird about this stuff; Derek avoided them at all costs so they only met him a handful of times… I don’t know, just ignore me.”

“Hey, these are all very valid concerns, but it’s going to be fine. I’ll charm their pants off. Just like I did with you.”

“You are pretty charming, that’s true.” Benji smiled. “You’re also right, it will be fine. I’m just being ridiculous- oomph.”

Victor interrupted him with a kiss. “Shut up. You are not being ridiculous.”

Benji grabbed his hair and pulled him in for another kiss.

“Oh my god. I leave this room for 5 seconds.” Pilar grunted.

“You said you were getting snacks, I was getting mine, too.” Benji shrugged before sitting back down on the couch.

“I hate your boyfriend, Victor.” Pilar deadpanned, throwing a Fruit by the Foot™ at Benji. Victor threw his head backward, laughing until another bag of the candy hit him in the head.

Benji opened the candy and began unrolling it, he unrolled the whole thing before smashing it together and eating it. Pilar and Victor stared at him in shock.

“You know what? I hate him, too.” Victor said, frowning.

“What? Why?” Benji said with his mouth full of candy.

“That’s not how you’re supposed to eat it, you monster.” Pilar opened her candy and unrolled it a little before biting off the bit she had unfurled. “See?” She pointed at him. “You can’t even enjoy it like that.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, babe. I’m with Pilar.” Victor said; he started to eat the candy the same way as his sister.

“You can’t even enjoy it like that,” Benji repeated with a high pitched voice, imitating Pilar. He then added in his normal voice: “I enjoyed it just fine, thank you very much.”

Pilar stuck her tongue out at him.

Benji ignored her and grabbed his guitar. “Alright, I guess we can move on from Jolene since you have zero taste.”

“Yes!” Pilar put her candy aside and grabbed her guitar. “Okay, am I learning ‘Smells like-”

“Not yet, young padawan, not yet,” Benji stopped her while strumming his guitar mindlessly. “ _ Working nine to five, what a way to make a living-” _

Pilar groaned. “Another Dolly Parton song? God damn it, Benji.”

* * *

Victor grabbed his jean jacket and put it over his new shirt; Benji had picked it out for him on their last mall trip but he felt a bit weird wearing it even though he did like it. He was trying to step out of his comfort zone clothes-wise so he ignored the uncomfortable feeling and looked away, searching for his backpack.

He could hear his mom and Adrian talking, he followed the noise to the kitchen. Isabel was cooking breakfast while Adrian sat patiently at the table.

“Good morning, everyone.” Victor greeted them.

“Morning, m’ijo. Grab some food.” Isabel pointed to the table.

Victor sat down in front of Adrian. “Hey, bud. Ready for school?”

“Yup! When the teacher asks us what we did this summer, I’m going to show everyone the magic trick that Justin taught me.” Adrian said proudly. The New York gang had visited him over the summer and Justin ended up bonding over magic with Adrian. It was quite cute.

“Sounds awesome.”

The doorbell rang and Victor went to get it. Felix smiled at him rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. 

Victor looked at his clock. “6:40 on the dot.”

“You know it.”

“Pilar! Felix is here, let’s go!” Victor screamed down the hallway before turning to his mom. 

Pilar came out of her room with her backpack dangling behind her. 

“Bendición!” Victor told her mom and Adrian. 

“Que Dios los bendiga! Happy first day of school!”

Pilar closed the door behind her and the three of them left the apartment complex. Benji was sitting at the front steps with a cup holder propped on his legs.

“Hello, everyone,” Benji said. He got up and offered each of them a cup of coffee.

Victor kissed him good morning and grabbed his coffee. “Thanks, babe. Ready for school?”

“Not at all,” Benji grabbed his hand. “Let’s do this.”

They walked hand in hand with Pilar and Felix by their side.

“So, get this, I was with Lake yesterday. Just enjoying our last day of summer, right? And as we’re watching a movie, she gets a comment on her Instagram from an anonymous account calling her Mrs. Lonestone.” Felix said with his eyebrows raised. “You should’ve seen her face! I thought she was about to break up with me on the spot.”

Pilar put her hand in front of her mouth, trying to hide her laughter. “And then what happened?”

“Well, I had to talk her down from deleting her account but overall I’d say she took it pretty well,” Felix said happily. “This is a great character development for my period novel because the widow-”

“Hey! No spoilers.” Victor interrupted him.

“Fine, I’m close to the end, either way. So you’ll all be receiving copies of it soon enough.”

“Can’t wait,” Benji said before taking a sip of his coffee.

They arrived at Creekwood just as the first bell rang; they split up and Victor walked Benji to his locker.

“I have math first period. Last year was P.E. so I guess this is an improvement. Although, on second thought, it might be a downgrade. We’ll see.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry but I do not envy you.” Benji chuckled, he checked his schedule. “I have AP Lit, not too bad.”

“Lucky,” Victor pouted.

Benji grabbed Victor’s hands. “I am pretty lucky, yeah.”

Victor bit his lip and squeezed his hands.

“See you at lunch?” 

“Yes, I’ll save you a seat.”

“Okay,” Benji said quietly. 

Victor squeezed his hand one last time before walking away to his own locker.

The hallways of Creekwood High were vibrating with the excitement of the new year, old friends catching up on gossip and new students trying to find their place at the school. Ms. Albright walked around, ushering the students to their classes and trying to get some semblance of order in the halls.

Mia and Lake were chatting at their lockers when Victor finally got to his, “Hey, Victor.”

“Hi, girls,” Victor said, opening his locker and starting to sort it out.

“Can you believe I have math for first period?” Lake groaned. “It’s so unfair, at this point I’m barely awake, how can they expect me to do math?”

“Oh me, too,” Victor said. “At least it’s not P.E.”

“I could argue that math is worse than P.E.,” Lake said with a sigh. “Anyway, have you seen Felix?”

At that moment, Victor spotted Andrew and Felix down the hallway and walking towards them.

“Behind you.” Victor pointed.

Andrew hugged Mia from behind and kissed her head. “Good morning, cutie.”

Mia giggled before grabbing her stuff and Andrew’s hand. “Well, guys, have fun at math. I’ll see you later.”

Felix, Lake, and Victor waved goodbye. The bell rang again.

“Alright, guys, our first day being juniors, here we go,” Felix said, grabbing both Lake’s and Victor’s hands. “I have a good feeling about this year.”

Victor half-smiled. “Yeah. Me, too.”

* * *

Victor and Mia walked side by side to the cafeteria, they had had the last class before lunch together and were now rushing to meet with their friends. Felix and Lake were already sitting at one of the tables, saving seats for the whole group.

Victor looked around, searching for Benji but he hadn’t arrived yet. Instead, he noticed Pilar sitting down with a couple of people that he recognized were on her year, he knew one of them was called Cyrus; she wasn’t talking much and seemed a bit awkward but she had the ghost of a smile on her face and Victor thought that was a start. 

He sat in front of Felix with Mia beside him.

The doors to the cafeteria opened and Benji walked in, followed by Nora. Benji laughed at something she said before running his hand through his hair and messing it up a little; Victor’s throat went dry, just like every time before; he wondered if it’d ever stop happening. 

Benji looked around until he spotted Victor and waved at him, he said something to Nora before walking away from her and towards Victor.

“Hey, love! How’s it going?” Benji asked as he sat down beside him.

Lake frowned. “Why do you call him that? You’re not British.”

“What the bloody hell are you on about, mate?” Benji said, faking a  _ horrible _ British accent.

“Stop.” 

Victor bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to laugh. 

“But-”

“Stop,” Lake repeated. “I’m sorry I asked, you can go on being your weird little self just stop it with the accent.”

“Blimey, someone’s miffed,” Benji muttered.

Before Lake could say anything else, Andrew joined the group and sat down in front of Mia.

“You guys are not going to believe what just happened in Mr. Davis’ class.”

They all ate slowly, sharing stories from their classes and whatever gossip had already been posted on Creek Secrets that day.

“So, Salazar, ready for the big game?” Andrew asked Victor about their upcoming basketball game that Friday, it was going to be Victor’s first game back after his broken arm.

“Yeah, I’ve been working on getting my strength back all summer long, I’m ready to be back.”

“Good, we need you if we’re going to win this thing.” He turned to the others on the table. “You are all coming to the game, right?”

“Of course, we’ll be there,” Mia said, grabbing Andrew’s hand across the table.

“Lake and I are coming, too. I need to be there to support my best buddy.” Felix winked at Victor.

“Oh I’ll be there,” Benji smirked. “I’m going to make a poster and everything. Mrs. Salazar is convinced that it won’t be better than hers but I have something planned.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, B,” Felix said. “Mrs. Salazar is a pun wizard.”

“Just please don’t start competing about who can cheer the loudest mid-game. I’d hate to see you both getting expelled.” Victor joked.

“Fine, but it’d be no competition, I definitely cheer the loudest.”

* * *

“Alright, Salazar, is time to prove that you can actually play,” Andrew said. He fixed his uniform and closed his locker.

Victor worried his lip. He had been training during the summer and he had stayed every day after class during the past week but he still felt nervous; he didn’t want to let his team down again.

“Ready?” Andrew asked, clapping his back.

Victor finished tying his shoelaces and nodded weakly. “Ready.”

They walked out of the locker room and stood outside the gym with the rest of the team, waiting for their cue to enter. 

“You seem nervous,” Andrew whispered to Victor. “Is this about your other, arguably better, half watching the game?”

Victor rolled his eyes. “I’m fine,” He shrugged. “I just don’t want to screw things up.”

“Well, focus. I want to win this and I don’t want a repeat of your meltdown last year.” Andrew muttered to him.

“It won’t happen again. I’m fine.” Victor frowned.

Andrew sighed. “Sorry, I just really want to win this. We haven’t won a single game in months.”

“I know, don’t worry. We’re going to win.” Victor told him, feeling some of his confidence returning. 

Coach Ford opened the gym doors and the team entered the gym amongst cheers and applause. He looked over at his family and saw Benji and the whole gang sitting together with them; even Nora, Jamie, and Sabrina had made it.

“Here we go, Victor, here we go!” They all chanted. Isabel and Benji waved two big posters in front of them. Victor squinted trying to read them to no avail. “Here we go, Victor, here we go!”

Coach Ford made the team form a circle. “Alright, guys, this is the first game of the year and I need a win. This was a rough summer for me, I’m barely holding it together. I need this. Please.” Coach Ford said desperately, he looked around the circle. “Can I count on you?”

Everyone nodded slowly, feeling a mixture between scared and amused.

“Come on, put it in.” Coach Ford said.

Andrew put his hand on the center of the circle and everyone followed him.

“Grizzlies on three! Grizzlies on three! One, two, three!” Andrew shouted.

“Grizzlies!” Everyone answered. The team disbanded and went to their places.

Victor looked at his friends and felt something warm spreading on his chest. Now that he was closer to them, he managed to read the posters; his mom’s poster said ‘ _ You can’t spell VICTORY without VICTOR’  _ and Benji’s said  _ ‘#12 on the court, #1 in my heart’.  _

Benji waved at him, almost dropping his sign, and Victor waved back ignoring his face heating up. Everyone started chanting again, being led by Isabel. “Here we go, Victor, here we go!”

Kieran and a member of the opposing team stood in the middle of the court with the referee. A whistle indicating the start of the game resounded in the gym and Kieran snatched the ball and passed it to Teddy easily.

Teddy bounced the ball as he ran, looking for someone to pass it to. Andrew raised his arms and Teddy threw the ball at him. 

Andrew caught it and ran across the court; someone from the opposite team attempted to block him from going past him and to their side of the court, but Andrew dribbled past him effortlessly.

“Andrew, pass!” Victor screamed at him. Andrew looked at him briefly before making a chest pass at him.

Victor could hear both Isabel’s and Benji’s screams. 

“Go, m’ijo!”

“You can do it, Vic!”

Victor caught it and bounced it a couple of times; a member of the opposing team tried to get the ball from him but before he was able to, Victor shot and scored the first points of the game. 

The crowd erupted into cheers.

“Yes, Salazar, yes!” Coach Ford screamed.

Andrew ran up to him and clapped his shoulders. “Good shot, man.”

The game moved forward with both teams fighting for the lead, just when the Grizzlies had overtaken, the other team managed to score several points that gave them the upper hand.

The game was coming to an end, there were just a couple of minutes on the clock and Creekwood needed a three-pointer in order to win. Coach Ford called a time-out, and the game clock paused.

“Alright, guys, I know it’s tight but we can do this!” He started. “Give the ball to Salazar, he’s our safest bet to score a three.”

It looked like Andrew was about to complain before he shook his head and nodded. “Alright, let’s do this.”

The game resumed with the opposing team in possession of the ball.

Victor felt the sweat dripping down his face, his muscles aching and begging him to slow down for a bit but he pushed forward; they were so close to winning.

His eyes were fixed on the ball, Kieran managed to snatch it and quickly did a bounce pass to Andrew, the crowd cheered when he caught it.

Andrew ran forward, bouncing the ball with ease. Victor ran forward as quickly as possible, ignoring the painful throbbing on his shins.

Andrew made eye-contact with him and signaled for him to run forward. A guy from the opposite team noticed this and went to block Victor’s run. The guy pushed him forcefully and Victor toppled, cushioning the fall with his hands, and fell onto the floor. He winced in pain.

Victor could have sworn he heard his mom gasping despite the buzzing in his ears. The referee and Coach Ford ran up to him immediately.

“Son, are you okay?” Coach Foard asked.

Victor flexed his wrists and made sure they were okay before nodding. “Yeah, I’m good.”

The referee ruled it a foul and awarded the Grizzlies three free throws. Victor got up and positioned himself on the line. The rest of the players positioned themselves around the key.

“Here we go, Victor, here we go!” He could hear his friends chanting.

The referee passed the ball to Victor; he drowned out the voices and people around him. Victor bounced the ball a couple of times without taking his eyes from the basket. He took a deep breath before grabbing the ball and shooting.  _ Swish. _

The crowd cheered around him and a few of his teammates shouted and clapped.

Victor wanted to jump in excitement, too, but he knew that he needed to keep his cool and concentrate on getting the other two points, if he got them, they’d win.

The second free throw went in the same fashion as the first one. Victor could practically feel everyone holding their breaths. They were now tied with the opposing team.

“Vamos, flaco!” 

Victor felt the world coming to a halt. He looked around searching for the source of that familiar voice. Victor gasped softly upon spotting Armando, who stood beside the bleachers with his brow furrowed in concentration and staring directly at him.

Victor could hear his heart beating frantically in his ears, he briefly wondered if everyone else could too. His dad was watching him, cheering for him. Was he dreaming? He must have been dreaming. 

“Shoot it!” A scream from the crowd brought him back. Victor shook his head and threw his last free throw. The ball went through the hoop and the game resumed with only a few seconds left.

Victor looked at his dad, unable to move. Everyone else around him screamed and ran for the ball but he didn’t really notice.

The referee blew the whistle one last time, signaling the end of the game. Creekwood had won. Victor took a step towards his dad, had he been there the whole time?

Victor yelped in surprise as he felt the ground disappearing beneath him; Andrew and Kiernan carried him across the court, throwing him in the air effortlessly. Victor kept his eyes trained on his dad.

“Victor! Victor! Victor!” His teammates shouted, over and over.

Armando looked around nervously, he took a step towards the court before shaking his head and turning around. He was leaving.

Victor tried to get down but his teammates held him firmly in place. “Put me down!” He said loudly. They either ignored him or didn’t hear him. Victor could see Armando walking out of the gym; he scrambled to get down and Andrew finally loosened his grip on him.

As soon as his feet made contact with the ground, Victor took off running.

“What the hell, Salazar?” Andrew screamed after him.

Victor could feel his family and friends staring after him but he had no time to explain, he had to find his dad, he had to.

“Victor!” He heard Benji screaming after him.

His legs burned from the effort, he ran through the hallways hoping that he wasn’t too late, that he would be able to find him. Victor was about to give up when he found him, about to walk out of the school.

“Dad?” He said, his voice shaking.

Armando stopped dead in his tracks before turning around, his eyebrows raised in surprise. “Victor.” He whispered.

“What are you doing here?” Victor asked, his voice full of anger.

“I-”

“You don’t get to do this.” Victor continued. “You don’t get to disappear for months and then come waltzing back into my life.” But wasn’t that what he had been hoping for?

“I’m not trying to do that.”

“Then what are you doing here? Why did you come?” 

Armando stayed silent. Victor heard some footsteps behind him, he knew it was Benji, but he didn’t turn around. He couldn’t risk looking away from Armando.

“Vic? Everything okay?” Benji asked softly. Victor nodded, almost imperceptibly.

“I always thought you looked the happiest while playing basketball,” Armando said after a few seconds of silence.

Victor shrugged, “It was one of the few times where I didn’t feel like I was lying to myself and to everyone else. I could just play and forget the rest.”

A chorus of cheers reached them from the gym.

“Mom is taking us out to celebrate. We’re getting dinner and maybe even a cake.” Victor said slowly. “Please come with us.”

Armando shook his head. “I’m-”

“Please!” Victor raised his voice. “You always celebrated with me after a game! You always told me how proud of me you were! I’m still that kid! I’m still trying to make you proud!”

Armando sighed. “I’m sorry, I- I can’t. But I can see that you’re not the same kid. You seem stronger, happier. I want you to know that I’m trying, I’m seeing someone and I’m starting to realize how much I hurt you. I don’t want to just come back and pretend nothing happened. That’s not fair to you or your mom or your siblings.” Armando explained. “I won’t ruin your celebration, go with them.” He added staring at Benji.

“No! Why are you here then?” Victor asked, hating how small he sounded. “How do I know you won’t just disappear again?”

“I’ll be in touch, we have a lot to discuss,” Armando promised. “That was a great game, flaco.” He said as an afterthought before turning away and leaving.

Victor turned around and collapsed against Benji, his full weight on his arms. Benji held him tightly, frantic sobs coming from Victor and shaking them both.

“Shhh, shhh,” Benji whispered against his head, softly caressing Victor’s hair. “You’re okay, I’m here.”

Benji maneuvered them to sit against the wall without letting go of Victor.

Isabel and Pilar found them like that a few minutes later, Victor’s sobs now just faint hiccups every few seconds.

“What happened?” Isabel asked, quickly crouching down beside Victor and wiping away his tears. Victor shook his head and hid it against Benji’s shoulder.

Benji held him tighter. “Armando was here.” He mouthed to Isabel.

Isabel frowned. “What the hell did he do?”

Victor shook his head again. “Nothing.” He whispered. “He just… He told me that he’s getting help and that he would be in touch. I- I don’t know if he meant it.”

Another set of cheers erupted from the gym. Isabel sighed.

“Do you want to go home?” She asked gently.

Victor frowned. “No.” He cleared his throat and wiped his tears. He took a couple of breaths. “Let’s go back to the gym, I want to celebrate. Creekwood just won its first game in months.”

Benji kissed his head. “And it was all because of you.”

They walked back to the gym and, as soon as they entered, the crowd surrounded Victor in cheers and applause. “Salazar! Salazar!”

Victor chuckled and high-fived everyone who put his hand forward for him.

“Are you okay, Salazar?” Andrew asked him quietly.

Victor nodded. “Yeah.”

“Why do you always end up storming out of the games?” He joked, pushing Victor’s shoulder with his own.

Victor rolled his eyes and laughed.

They went to sit on the bleachers with the rest of their friends. They all took their turn to congratulate Victor and Andrew on their win.

After everyone had settled down a little, Victor grabbed Benji’s and Isabel’s discarded posters and looked at them up close.

“This is a good one, mami,” Victor exclaimed. 

“Thank you, m’ijo. I’m quite proud of that pun.”

“I’m still under your spell, Mrs. Salazar.” Felix joked.

Victor looked at Benji’s poster and went over the words with his finger. “This is… So corny. I love it.” He chuckled.

Benji cracked a smile. “Corny? It’s genius! You’re not appreciating it enough.” He pretended to take away the poster.

Victor hugged it to his chest, not letting go of it. “Fine, it’s brilliant, you’re amazing.”

“Better.”

Victor sighed and put his head against Benji’s shoulder. He felt better, as angry as he was at his dad, he had missed him; there was time for them to fix things, there was time for Armando to make things right. There was time.

“I’m glad you stopped me that night at the bridge.” Victor whispered to Benji. “I’m glad I’m here and we won and my dad came. I had no idea how much stuff I’d be missing, I had no idea how much would be happening. I know things aren’t perfect but they’re better. It’s like I got a second chance, you know?”

Benji kissed him. “I think, at the end of the day, you saved yourself. You’re so much stronger than you think.” He told him, his voice barely above a whisper. “And I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”

“Okay, everyone, I don’t know about you but I’m ready to eat dinner and celebrate! Who’s coming?” Isabel told the group. Everyone agreed.

“I guess we’re all coming if that’s okay with you Mrs. Salazar?” Mia asked.

“Of course it’s okay!” Isabel exclaimed. “Let’s celebrate!”

* * *

“Are you sure you don’t want to take my car?” Isabel asked for the 10th time.

Victor rolled his eyes. “I’m sure. I want to walk, I need to work out my nerves somehow.”

“Alright, but when you arrive there all sweaty and gross… I don’t wanna hear any complaints.”

“I’ll walk slowly, it’ll be fine.”

“Well, you should leave now or you won’t get there on time.” Isabel ushered him out the door. “You want to make a great first impression so don’t be late and don’t forget your manners, okay m’ijo?”

“Yes, mami.”

“Que Dios te bendiga!”

Victor shook his hands, trying to get them to stop shaking. He walked down the stairs and almost collapsed with Felix who was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

“Oh! Hey, man!” Felix greeted him. “Looking good! What are you up to?”

“I’m meeting Benji’s parents tonight.” 

“Ohhhhhh…” Felix dragged out. He raised his eyebrows suggestively. “Well, good luck with the Campbells.”

“Thank you…” Victor smiled. “What are you doing down here?”

“Just waiting for my mom, I convinced her to come to the movies with me and Lake, she should be arriving any second now,” Felix said, Victor could see how excited his friend was. 

“That’s nice, Felix!” Victor exclaimed.

“Yeah, she almost never leaves the house so this is really good.”

“I’m glad,” Victor said before feeling his phone buzzing in his pocket. “You can tell me all about it tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah! See you later, Vic.”

Victor took out his phone and felt a smile overtaking his features.

> **Benji Campbell❤️:** I made your favorite for tonight. My mom might have helped a little. (JK she cooked it, but I was an excellent sous-chef) [chili01.jpg]
> 
> Victor felt his heart doing cartwheels inside his chest, a picture of Benji smiling and holding a plate of chili stared back at him. He looked adorable.
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** Tell your mom ‘thank you, looks delicious.’
> 
> **Benji Campbell❤️:** She says ‘you’re welcome, he looks like me’
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** BENJI NO, I meant the chili!!!!
> 
> **Benji Campbell❤️:** I was just kidding :P she says she can’t wait for you to try it!
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** I’m on my way… TO MURDER YOU.
> 
> **Benji Campbell❤️:** See you in a little bit, love! <3

Victor chuckled and put his phone away. The wind ruffled his hair a little and he tightened his jacket around him; it was a nice day for a walk, as long as you had a jacket on.

Victor felt the nerves coursing through his body at the thought of Benji’s parents. Benji had talked about them several times, Victor knew that they were mostly accepting even if they still acted a bit weird when talking about Benji’s sexuality.

Victor had met them a couple of times while picking Benji up, they had always been nice to him; so really, he had nothing to worry about, did he?

And he hadn’t lied to Benji, he was really good with parents. Well, as long as they weren’t his own. His dad hadn’t contacted him, yet. Victor took his phone out and his finger hovered over his dad’s contact name. He hadn’t tried calling him in months.

Victor took a deep breath and pressed the ‘call’ button. He regretted it immediately, what was he doing? He was about to hang up after the first ring but a voice stopped him.

“Hello?”

“D-Dad?”

“Victor.”

Victor flinched upon hearing his name. “You hadn’t called. You said you would.”

“I’m sorry,” Armando said quickly. “I was going to. I promise.”

Victor stayed quiet, not really knowing what else to say.

“How was your celebratory dinner?”

“It was fine.”

“That’s it? It was fine?”

“Well, I wanted you there,” Victor muttered.

“I didn’t want to ruin your big night.” Armando sighed. “Look, I need to ask your mom first but… Would you like to get dinner sometime next week? We should talk.”

Victor thought about it. He had been waiting far too long for this, a part of him wanted to hang up and never talk to Armando again. How could he forgive him? He had talked with Dr. Joyce about it many, many times. What would she say?  _ This is your decision to make  _ or maybe she’d say:  _ Weigh the pros and cons, think it through, and don’t rush. _

“I think we should get mom’s permission first,” Victor said finally. “And I’m not sure about this week. I want to talk to you at some point, just… I need time.”

“Victor… I-” Armando stopped himself, he sighed, again. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me, too,” Victor said. “I’ll… talk to you soon?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye, flaco.”

Victor hung up and looked around. His breath caught in his throat; his stomach lurched with the realization of where he was: the car bridge.

The last time he had walked through it had been months ago on his way to Benji’s house. It looked exactly the same as the night of the Spring Fling.

He walked over to the railing and leaned against it. It was a nice view. 

So many things had changed in the past few months. His dad had been right the day before; he wasn’t the same kid as the one that had been ready to put an end to everything the night of the dance. He wasn’t the same scared kid that thought he’d never find his place in the world.

The sky changed right before his eyes, the sun setting on the horizon bathing the lake with an orange tint. The memories that the car bridge held no longer took his breath away, they kind of did the opposite.

His phone buzzed again.

> **Benji Campbell❤️:** If my mom mentions anything about showing you some ‘old photos’, please ignore her or say ‘no, thank you’. Please.
> 
> **Victor Salazar:** What’s that? You want me to say ‘yes, please’? Will do! See you in a little bit, babe! <3

Victor felt giddy, his nerves taking a step back. He put his phone in his pocket and resumed his walk, he didn’t want to be late. He felt light, no weight threatening to crush him. At last, he could be sure of one thing. No matter what happened next, it was going to be fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's it! The end of this project that has seen me grow and evolve throughout the last few months. I'm about to get a little sappy but bear with me: I'm really proud of this but the best part has been getting to know people because of it and I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this, whether you left a comment or kudos or just quietly supported it, you have no idea how much it meant to me, so THANK YOU.
> 
> The end is a little open-ended, I do have a clear idea of what would happen after this but I think this was a good point to end it. If anyone wants to discuss this with me feel free to drop by my tumblr (callmevenji) or twitter (callmevenji_)! I will also be posting some one-shots in this universe (mainly about stuff that happened throughout the summer but if anyone has some prompts I could also do that!) and have a lot of ideas for future fics so keep an eye out for those! 
> 
> This has been such a rewarding experience and I couldn't be happier right now, thank you everyone for all the support because you all inspired me and helped me finish this story <3 Also, no matter what happens in season 2, Venji is endgame in this universe!!!!!!


End file.
